The world within me.

It is so distant.

It is so close.

It is surreal to the degree of leaving me speechless.

Not due to a lack of air, but because this air is beyond my norm.

 

I am not used to this.

I don’t know what to do.

So, I take a risk.

I breathe in deep,

Hoping that my exhale will not leave me dead.

 

I do it once…I’m still alive.

I do it again…I’m still alive.

I do it a third time…I’m still.

 

What is happening?

Am I finally reaching this new, grown phase of my life?

The same phase that I’ve always sought?

To be able to live in my own world, in my own mind,

So that I will not be afflicted by the ignorance and insincerity of the world…

My world.

…in which I will be in control?

 

Nonchalant, I began to build my home, my perfect home.

I drove my dream car, knowing that I’m still dreaming…but what does that matter?

I had the most incredible wife. She was perfect. (I didn’t know that even existed…even in dreams)

Everyone was kind, everyone was sincere.

Love flourished with purity, and everyone’s struggle was seen in an optimistic light.

 

But.

 

All of this lasted merely five minutes, before…

The nature of man infected my dreams as well.

And the people in the world of my mind became people.

I felt as though my eyes must have been beginning to open,

As that made it all make sense.

 

But as I checked my conscience to see if my eyes were really opening,

I learned that they weren’t.

 

This opened my eyes in a different way though.

It opened my eyes to see the truth of life.

That instead of trying to create and live in a world in my mind,

I had to learn that the nature man could never evade me,

Or I it.

But, that instead, I had to learn, in my mind’s world,

How to be the saviour of my own soul.

So that when I truly awoke into this world of pronounced misery and hidden happiness,

I could face it with optimism, hope, and a somewhat faded, yet never lost,

drive towards bringing about peace.

 

Copyright © Nadir Keval