Question:

How do I cope with heartache?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, this reaches you in the best state of health and Imaan.

Heartbreak and heartache are some of the toughest things to face in life, but it’s also important for us to go through these things in order to grow and become better versions of ourselves for us and for those who are in our lives or will enter our lives in the future.

When it comes to heartache, I’ve personally found that it’s all about setting your mindset a certain way, giving things time, and most importantly, faith. The first step is to accept that it’s best for you to move on, and to have conviction in the fact that if someone is meant for you, that person will be in your life regardless of what happens. That may require you two to go through periods of separation, difficulty, struggle, etc. but if this person is who Allah has meant for you, nothing will be able stop you two from coming together.

“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allaah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.” – Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

With that said, it’s also important to remember that we plan and Allah plans, and He is the best of planners (Quran 8:30). Meaning, there are things we may see as being best for us, or someone we may consider the pinnacle of perfection, but if things don’t work out with that person, it means that Allah has someone even better out there for us. It’s always a win-win situation when you maintain this mindset because either Allah will give you the person you want now because they’re truly the perfect fit for you, OR He will replace that person with someone who’s even better than who you thought was the pinnacle of perfection! Allahu Akbar! How merciful and generous and wise Allah is! 😀

The other aspect of this is time. We’ve all heard the say that time heals all things, and for the most part it’s true. In this situation, there are phases that you’re going to go through as you work towards growing past this part of your life: letting go of the person, healing from the pain the experience of being with and ending a relationship caused, and finally, rebuilding your self into a much stronger and wiser person. These phases will take time, so you must be patient and positive, because at the end of the day, Allah had that person in your life for the time he was there, but now, perhaps him being in your life any longer would have hurt you and your future.

This brings me to my last point: having faith. We have to accept that who and what comes and goes in our lives is all for our benefit. Sometimes, we have to be broken slightly in order to grow. Sometimes, we have to broken greatly in order to grow. Sometimes, we are simply given what we need to grow. Life will always have its ups and downs, and when it comes to heartbreak and heartache, all related to love, one of the most desired and pursued component of our lives, it will take a great deal of effort and discipline to get there.

My remedy for growing past heartache and heartbreak has always been to turn to Allah. To build on my relationship with Him, considering He is the Facilitator of our affairs, and it is with Him that our hearts and lives lie. He is our Master and the One who loves us more than anyone else possibly could, so it is only wise to work on pleasing Him and building our relationship with Him in order to find ease in finding love and happiness in this life and the Next.

I hope this answered your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss your specific experience or situation more in an one-on-one session, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we’ll set something up, insha Allah. Till then, take care! 😀

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)