Subhanallah…this week has been somewhat beyond my comprehension. The week began with facing an incredible opportunity to pursue major advancements with one of my goals, wherein things would change completely, hopefully allowing for me to pursue more opportunities at expansion and development, while also finding more time for myself. This was definitely a blessing in disguise, because I knew that in order to make this a reality, I would have to work beyond my levels of comfort. I would have to break barriers of my own routine in order to achieve success with this endeavour. So, being confused and unsure as to what to do, I prayed Isthikhaarah (prayer for seeking guidance in a particular matter) and asked Allah to guide me. The next morning, I was overwhelmed with zeal and confidence in the best approach to take, and went ahead with that pursuit, Alhamdulillah. I took the step, and asked Allah to make it beneficial for me, and to guide me in the matter. That if it is good for me and my livelihood in this life and the Hereafter, then to allow it to happen successfully soon and with ease, and if in His Infinite Wisdom and Knowledge, He found it to not be good for me and livelihood in this life and the Hereafter, then to remove it from my heart and provide me with a better solution and path soon and with ease. I did this because to my understanding, it’s the steps the Prophet (SAW) took during the time of the Battle of Badr, as a reflection of what Tawaqqul is. Alhamdulillah, taking these steps truly did help, as I found solace in knowing that I had done whatever I could (to the best of my knowledge) to do things right by Allah, and to have followed the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). Now, I patiently await Allah’s Decree, to see what He has in store for me, insha Allah.
Not too long afterwards, I began to find a little bit of discomfort with one of the things I was working on for one of my companies, and was completely unsure as to what to do. I worked at it, made dua, and am slowly coming around to recognizing what it is that I have to do. The thing with running companies is that there is ALWAYS something new coming into the picture, and there is rarely an opportunity to step away for a long period of time, especially when your company is just starting out. Though this company has been around for a year or two, it’s still a baby, and like all babies, needs to be watched, attended to, guided, and disciplined, all in ways that will benefit it in its future. And so, I will now be continuing in my efforts towards building these goals and taking the steps needed to reach my ultimate vision for this company. Thing is, that vision might even change. Allah knows best.
In addition to this, I have been so busy, I haven’t had the chance to really stick to my workouts, or even eat properly for that matter. I’ll have maybe one real meal a day, and would just sip on water or munch on fruit, or something like that throughout the day. And those are days I’d consider to be the days I’d eat a lot by my current routine. But, alhamdulillah, I’ve had the opportunity to make the most of this by fasting on alternating days (as is the Sunnah of Prophet Dawud), and it’s really helped me in my Imaan.
Speaking of Imaan, it’s been quite the roller coaster ride. I’ve actually been meaning to write an article on that, about how our Imaan fluctuates constantly, because this is in our nature as humans. I remembered that, at times, Allah allows us to sin so that we can return to Him in worship and repentance. I remember once reading about how Allah breaks us at times, so that we can rebuild ourselves and return to Him stronger than we were before. Allahu Akbar! What a mercy and blessing!
Throughout this week, these things filled my mind and ran laps around my sanity. I was constantly thinking about all of these things, and became numb to them. So much so that I felt like a man who had suddenly become blind, because I had almost felt a loss of knowing where I was or where I needed to go. I struggled to get to this next point, to be honest, but I had to fight my displacement and work my way towards Salah, regardless of how much of urge I had to just give up. As I write this, I feel my heart beginning to shake and my eyes becoming watery, because I remember how, while in Sujood (prostration), I had realized that I was struggling because my faith was weakening. I worked hard towards making a change, and fell more times than I stood, but I refused to accept any less than the best from myself and from my faith in Allah. I knew and still know that Allah is the One that can give me ease, guidance, and clarity in these matters, and so, I’m turning myself in His Path and asking Him to guide me and give me peace in my efforts. I ask that you all make dua for me to find success of this life and the Hereafter in these matters. Jazakallahu khairun.
And then, last night came. I can’t express too many details because it isn’t my place to do so, but a close family friend, who I considered an uncle, passed away last night. As I stood and observed everything happening around me, tears flowing down the faces of loved ones, I thought of this life and the Hereafter. I thought of how fragile life is, and how we have to live our lives towards becoming better Muslims and towards preparing for the time Allah takes us back, because not one of us knows when that time will come. I have spent most of today making dua for the uncle that passed away, and have been trying to learn more about the concept of death in Islam. I ask Allah to make things easy for this brother’s family, and to enter them all into Paradise with His Mercy.
This week has left me in thought of my past. A reminder that sealed the week and resulted in an flooding of emotion and epiphanies. I realized that there is still much to come, and that I still have so much to do in order to gain Allah’s Mercy and Forgiveness, and most importantly, that I can’t delay in it anymore. I have to make Tawba (i.e. seek repentance) more often, and need to address every aspect of my life again by running it through the filter of Allah and His Messenger (SAW). I have to break through my comfort zones and personal barriers to pursue what I believe is best for me in this life and the Next, and have to be the best human being and version of myself I can be. The reason I share all of this with all of you is because I hope to inspire you to make changes towards betterment and happiness just as I am striving towards doing, and ask that if you have any stories or advice to share, to let me know that I can grow as well. May Allah guide us all and bring us peace in our souls, and ambition in our hearts. Ameen.