Motivation

4 Steps To Become Better Than Your Best You
4 Steps To Become Better Than Your Best You 1280 800 Nadir Keval

How many times throughout elementary school and high school, and maybe even today, do we hear people say, “Be the best you can be!”? I remember seeing those posters and banners all over the place, and felt a great amount of motivation towards becoming a better person. Well, that was the case, until I asked myself the simple question: how exactly am I supposed to do that?

During talks with a few clients and friends lately, I’ve noticed many people struggling with the same question, whether they recognize it or not. It’s both incredible and upsetting to see how many of us negate this aspect of our lives as being of crucial importance because we’re too busy living up to norms or expectations, or because we don’t really know how much we are truly worth.

“Live your life striving to become the best you can be. Then, once you’ve become the best, become better.”

Define Your Goals

Often, because of the situations or circumstances we’re in (whether we put ourselves there, or were coerced into doing so in some way or the other), we lose focus on our goals and visions. Just the other night, I asked a couple in their 40-50’s about what their goals were in life and if they ever accomplished them. One responded saying that she had a dream but never followed through because she didn’t think she would be able to succeed, and because “life got in the way”. The other said that he never really had a dream or goal, because it was just about living every day with the hopes of survival. Now, if he lived in a place where survival was a daily struggle because of war, famine, disease, or anything like that, I would commend him for having achieved his goal of survival. But, he has lived the majority of his life in a comfortable setting, and in a place that hasn’t been hit with any of those tragedies. Hearing him say that he lived a life without goals or dreams saddened me, and the first words that came out my mouth were, “A person with dreams is a person simply existing. He hasn’t even lived yet.” And his response, with an expression of disappointment and submission, was simply, “I know. That’s my life.”

This is a condition that I don’t want to see any of you being in. And if you feel you are already in that state, then it’s time to make some changes, and develop some goals. It is NEVER too late to set goals and to have dreams.

Ask yourself what kinds of things interest you, and what impact you want to leave on the world. It’s about leaving behind a legacy. When I say that, I don’t mean that you should go out and make some major project or anything like that. Some may want that, but some may just want to open up a small coffee shop, or some may just want to learn how to speak a specific language. Goals are personal, and in no way are they limited to the expectations and limitations of others or of “reality”.

Recognize Your Potential

“Being realistic is one of the most commonly travelled roads to mediocrity.” – Will Smith

Truth be told, this is exactly what it is that holds people back from achieving their potential. We apply limitations on ourselves by thinking “realistically”, but had it not been for people thinking beyond reality, we wouldn’t have things like light bulbs, airplanes, or elevators. Think about it. Had it not been for the inventors of these innovations thinking outside of what was considered truth, we would be sitting in candlelight, would take weeks/months (I googled it) to travel from Vancouver, BC to Toronto, ON by foot/horseback/car instead of the 4-5 hours it takes by plane, and imagine getting to your apartment on the 15th floor of your building every single day without an elevator…you’d be in ridiculously great shape, but you’d be furious if you walked all the way down the stairs of your building only to later remember that you forgot the stove on.

Life is filled with blessings of innovation and creativity, and it’s upon us to determine how far we go with that. Your goals and ambitions are your own, and so, no one (besides God – i.e. if it’s haram or forbidden, let it go) can tell you how to address them. I believe we ALL have potential to be great, but what makes the great differ from the rest is that they are willing to put in the work and effort, whereas the rest are busy being satisfied with “just enough”. Live your life in a way that is focused around you thriving – not just surviving.

Write It Out

One of the things that has truly helped me in working towards and achieving my goals has been writing them down. I know it sounds like something minute, and you may think to yourself, “I’ll just keep it in my mind,” but honestly, it helps. In a day, we think about so many different things, that running the risk of losing your brilliant idea or your profound thought is just not worth it. In addition to being helpful in that sense, writing out your thoughts also helps in reminding you of your passions, your goals, and what lead you to choosing to aspire towards those ambitions. Far too often, we get swept up in the ups and downs of life that we forget what it was that inspired us towards doing things in the first place. Writing these things down helps you when you start to lose focus.

When writing down your goals, try to break them down into long-term and short-term goals as well, to give yourself milestones to reach on your path towards accomplishing your ultimate goal. Doing this will inspire you and help you to stay motivated on your path towards fulfilling your dreams. This too may seem like an insignificant thing, but I assure you that it works wonders and helps immensely!

What I personally do, is look at the things I’ve written down about the visions behind my projects, and the short-term and long-term goals I have for each one. Then, I start my day by setting daily goals on what I hope to accomplish for the day for each project.

Take Action

“We will not change the condition of a people until they change that which is within themselves.” – Quran (13:11)

This is perhaps the hardest, yet most difficult step in this process. Often, we have an incredible plan or idea, or we have goals that would inspire even the most successful of people, but we delay or even give up on following through because we fear taking that first step. We over-think and over-plan everything to the point that we end up scattering the thoughts in our minds, and ultimately just lose who we are and what made us aspire towards our goals.

Get the ball rolling by just starting. Seriously, JUST START. I know, its easier said than done, but it’s important to take that leap of faith and learn to fly as you go along. Every morning, look at your list of goals, and promise yourself that you will do SOMETHING today towards fulfilling that goal. Even if you fail that day, try again the next day. What’s most important is that you keep trying until your goal becomes a part of you. An example would be something like overcoming an addiction, or making prayer a part of your life, or trying to get in shape. Wake up every day with the intention of taking a step towards making progress towards your goals. No matter how many times you fall, get back up and keep trying. Some goals may be easy to fulfill, and others may take years, or even a lifetime, but the key is to never stop trying.

If there is a change you want to see, be proactive in becoming better. Don’t let the limitations of norms and realities hold you back from reaching the heights of your potential. The beauty of your potential is that its height depends on your efforts – the more you strive towards becoming better, the better you will become. Fight laziness, and tell those voices in your head that are making excuses for you to shut up, because you’ve got the potential to become better, and you have no intention of letting anything or anyone hold you back!

“Don’t tell me the sky’s the limit when there are footprints on the moon.” – Paul Brandt

Escape Your Inner Prison
Escape Your Inner Prison 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

This is a concept and topic that I’ve noticed a lot recently, during my mentoring sessions, and in the lives of the people I care for. We are so often compelled to make decisions towards what will suffice our current conditions, instead of pursuing what we want. We’re okay with settling with “just enough” because we’re not willing to put in the extra work to follow through on our dreams and on what our hearts truly want. This is truly a depressing condition to be in, and eventually, it will eat away at you. I know this sounds harsh, but it’s a true reality that I’ve experienced myself.

For years, I lived my life following things by the book; go to school for the degree everyone wants me to get but I’m not at all passionate about, go to work to make money even if you hate your job, listen to your elders without ever asking questions, do everything you can to make others happy. Through all of that time, there was always one major thing missing: my own happiness. It began to eat away at me, and I began to resent those people who encouraged and pushed me towards doing those things, even though I knew that their intentions were good and sincerely because they believed it to be what was best for me. Sometimes, I even resented those who were simply a result of or a part of that life, even if they had no role to play in making the decisions I made to please others over myself. I had convinced myself that I was doing the right thing, when deep down, my heart couldn’t let go of what I truly wanted, despite the fact that I didn’t even completely know or understand what it was I wanted, because I had never put myself first.

Don’t get me wrong. At first, I loved everything I was doing, because it made everyone happy, and I felt comfortable and content with that. But, as time progressed, things changed. Not externally, but internally. Externally, everything was the same, and I had as much reason to be happy then as I did when I began working towards the happiness of others. But internally, I felt like I was dying. I felt like my soul was being ripped away from me. I felt as though I was no longer my own person, with dreams, ambitions, and a sincere smile. Instead, I was like a robot, living for others because it was what seemed to be the easier and smarter way out.

That’s when someone gave me some advice that changed it all: “You have to be selfish when it comes to your happiness, but you have to seek out that selfish happiness through pleasing Allah in everything you do. Please Him, and the others around you will be pleased with you. Displease Him, and not only will He be displeased with you (which is scary enough as it is), but those people will in fact never be pleased with you. Focus on Allah’s Pleasure and seeking out your happiness, and He will handle the people around you. This concept is based on the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). The point is, you have to account for your own happiness and the decisions you make. Ten years from now, if you look back at your life, you want to feel the sense of contentment and satisfaction in knowing that you did what made you happiest. You don’t want to be resenting your parents for insisting on you choosing the career you did. You don’t want to resent your spouse for not living up to the kind of person you wanted to marry. You don’t want to resent your parents, siblings, or friends for the decisions YOU made. Ultimately, on the Day of Judgment, YOU will have to answer for your decisions, and you can’t pass that blame on to anyone else. If you are unhappy, it’ll lead to misery, and the one we know to be most miserable is Shaitaan. And as we know, misery loves company. Personal happiness is a major part of Islam, because when you are happy, you are more satisfied with life, and when you are more satisfied with life, you’re more inclined to be grateful to Allah, and more inclined to do things that will please Him. Being happy doesn’t come easy. It takes hard work. The world is filled with content people, but very few are truly happy, because very few are willing to put in the work, pain, suffering, difficulty, and struggle it takes to truly be happy. As they say, ‘Nothing worth having in life comes easy,’ so you have to ask yourself if the actions you take and the decisions you make will truly make you happy in the future, and if it will help you in fulfilling all of your dreams and ambitions. Don’t settle for anything less than what you want, as long as it’s halal. The people around you, your family and friends (if they truly love you and care about you), simply want one thing for you: to see you happy. So, follow your dreams, don’t settle for less than what you want, and surround yourself with those who will help you make every single one of those dreams a reality. The people who truly love you and care about you will not only understand, but they’ll be happy for you as well. You have to put in every ounce of your being into your dreams and passions, be it towards your career, school, the person you’ll marry, your health…everything! What comes from your efforts is in Allah’s Hands, but you have to do your part by not resting until you get what you want.”

During these times, I was afraid that I would upset my family, or that I would hurt the people I love and care about, or that I would lose all of my friends. But, I decided that I would trust in Allah and do my best to fulfill my dreams and goals. I knew that He wouldn’t overburden me with anything in life, and that my solutions will come through pleasing Him. The process was difficult. I upset family members, friends became distant, and I was constantly reminded of how I was a disgrace for taking the steps I took. For once in my life, I truly did something just for me, and it upset almost everyone because they expected me to never do anything outside of what they wanted. These people included those closest to me and those I hardly even spoke to, amongst both family and friends. They would try to make me feel bad by showing me how hurt they were, or by distancing themselves from me. They would try to use the love I had for them towards doing what made them happy. They may have thought that they were doing what it took to make me happy, but it was doing the complete opposite. They didn’t fully understand how important it was to my sanity and survival in the future, for me to do what made me happiest. It was a major struggle, perhaps the greatest struggle of my life thus far, but it made me who I am today: strong, confident, focused, determined, ambitious, and ultimately, happy. Alhamdulillah.

Today, I look back and have no regrets. And all those people who were upset with me? Well, some drifted away, others stayed (including my direct family, and quite literally 2-3 friends), but that was fine with me because it meant that I had filtered out the cream of the crop when it came to the companions I had in life. Sure, since making that decision, I have gone through more downtimes than up, but ultimately, I felt good knowing that I worked hard towards my dreams and ambitions, and that the decisions I made were to please Allah and to fulfill my own happiness. I look back and realize that I wasn’t being selfish. I was doing what I needed to do in order to truly be happy, because it’s only when I’m truly happy that I can be at my best for those I love, and can live life without any resentment towards anyone.

So, take a look at your life. Look at the decisions you are making or have made. No matter how far along you’ve come with that decision, ask yourself if you’re truly doing this for yourself and Allah, and if what you’re doing will help you towards fulfilling your dreams. If you want to get into medical school, work hard towards it and don’t rest until you’re in medical school. If you want to get married, solidify yourself as an individual and marry that person who will help you fulfill all of your dreams and ambitions, and settle for nothing less than that. If you have any goal or dream, do not rest until you get it, and then once you do, set an even bigger goal.

Now, I won’t tell you that this is all easy. It will perhaps be the most excruciatingly difficult thing you will ever do. But you HAVE TO follow through on your dreams and what makes you happiest. Don’t make that happiness dependent on the happiness of others, because you can’t rely on others to help you survive. Happiness is a major component of survival. You may live the most lavish life, but if you aren’t happy, it will always be a unrelenting source of depression until you make a change.

“Do what is required of you, and remain a slave. Do more than what is required of you, and become free.” – Marcus Garvey

Don’t worry about those around you, or who you feel will be influenced or hurt by your decisions or actions. Do what makes YOU happy. Cut everyone else out of the equation. What makes YOU happy? How can YOU fulfill YOUR dreams? Don’t rest until YOU get that internal happiness. Don’t let others determine YOUR happiness. The people who truly care about you will be happy just knowing that you’re happy. Sure, they might be upset for a little while, but as time progresses and they see how happy you are, they’ll be happier for you than you are for yourself.

This is honestly such an important idea and concept to understand, that I can’t express it in enough words, and I’m not sure if I’ve even touched the tip of the iceberg in expressing how huge of a component this is to you living happily in life. Happily ever after exists, but people think it’s a fairytale because they fail to recognize that there are a lot of bridges to cross, trolls to outwit, and dragons to slay, in order to achieve it.

Holding Expectations
Holding Expectations 1500 1004 Nadir Keval

Many of us strive towards working hard in our endeavors, be it in our careers, marriage, health, volunteering, faith, or anything else for that matter. We hope to be the best we can be, and try to live up to expectations we create for our selves.

These expectations can be the beneficial, but can also be very destructive. I remember a conversation I once had with a friend of mine, Baba Ali, where he told me:

“Nadir, if there’s one major piece of advice I can give you about marriage, it’s to never hold expectations of your spouse. That will only lead to disappointment with each other. Instead, try to grow together and accept things as they come, instead of expecting them to be a certain way.” (paraphrased)

This can be applied to every type of relationship, including the one you have with yourself. Expectations and goals are two very similar, yet different things. When we expect ourselves to be a certain way, or to react in a particular manner, we end up running the risk of disappointing ourselves. When we replace the mindset of expectations into goals, we find that we’re more at ease in continuously trying to become better.

Take for instance, the expectation you may have of being a certain weight. If you hold it as an expectation, you will constantly feel disappointed in yourself until you are at that weight. But, in truth, your disappoint will most likely hold you back from having the motivation to do something towards getting to your ideal weight. Whereas, if you held a goal to be a certain weight, you will continuously work towards it without the pressure and burden of not having reached your ideal weight yet. This allows for you to find motivation to continue working towards your ideal weight, and helps you maintain a positive and optimistic attitude in the process.

It’s best to go easy on yourself and find peace with pursuing things at your own pace. There is no cookie-cutter solution to any goals, because every person is different, and everyone develops at their own rate. Don’t let your own expectations hold you back from pursuing your goals and seeking out happiness. Go with the flow of things. Recognize that things sometimes won’t go your way, but that’s the beauty of it all – you get the opportunity to get back up and try again. Never stop striving towards your goals, regardless of what comes in your way.

The expectations others hold of you shouldn’t be treated any differently. Instead of looking at them as expectations, consider them to be suggestions. The truth is, in the end, it’s YOU that has to stand for yourself, and be proud of who you are. It’s YOU that has to maintain your happiness. No one will give that to you. Be respectful, be understanding, be reasonable, especially towards those who matter most like God, your parents, and your role models. But, remember that you have to make sure you’re happy. As long as what you’re doing doesn’t go against your faith, your beliefs, and your values, pursue it if it’s what makes you happy. But know that whatever you pursue will take hard work and effort beyond what’s normal.

To work against the norm of your life takes courage, strength, faith, and patience. Hold strong to those things as you pursue your goals, and as you break down the weights of expectations of yourself and others. Stay strong and keep moving forward. As a friend reminded me yesterday, “What comes easy won’t last. What lasts won’t come easy.” Keep going, my friends. It’ll be worth it in the end.

Facing Your Greatest Opponent: YOU
Facing Your Greatest Opponent: YOU 1680 1050 Nadir Keval

In my experiences, I’ve found there to be two major types of competitors: those who compete with others to be the best, and those who compete with themselves in order to constantly better themselves. Personally, I have always found that those who were of the latter category were the ones who were happier and more successful in the long run.

Eventually, everyone gets defeated at something or the other. More often than not, this leads to disappointment and a sense of weakness overwhelming the mind and body. Sometimes, this defeat inspires you to try harder at becoming better, and even if you beat your last opponent, eventually, you will be defeated again, if not by that same person, then by another. It will be a never-ending cycle.

Let’s say you don’t get defeated and instead, beat everyone you face. Eventually, you’ll run out of opponents. Then what? And now, your heart will have become filled with arrogance and pride for having overcome everyone and being the “best”.

Obviously, this can’t be set as a generalized concept, because everyone reacts to things differently, based on their personality and circumstances. However, I am one to believe in recognizing and planning for the worst, but hoping for and working towards the best.

Resolve: Challenge Yourself

When you face an opponent, you set your standards according to their skill level, their history of success, and so on. Basically, they determine your value in that competition. We may think that by beating that opponent, we would become stronger, but the truth is, we wouldn’t. All we would have proven is that we were able to outdo someone that was perhaps not as fit as we were, physically, emotionally, mentally, or spiritually (depending on the challenge at hand). Instead, if the focus is put on evaluating your own strengths and working on solidifying them, you will find that you will always have a chance to grow.

THAT is the greatest challenge, because it’s about more than just the specific skill or talent at hand, but it makes you tap into facing your own weaknesses, and overcoming your own pride and stubbornness in thinking that by facing this challenge, you would be defeated by your own self. Competing against yourself humbles you.

There is more awareness of your opponent when you are your own opposition. You know your strengths and weaknesses better than anyone else does, so you know what you need to work on and what you need to remove from your life. This, however, can become challenging when we see our weakness as parts of ourselves that can’t be overcome. This is something that won’t help in your future or your growth.

Beating The Old You

Weaknesses should be worked on and overcome. If you struggle with confidence, push yourself to overcome it by waking every morning and telling yourself that you are confident and can overcome your fears. If you struggle with being stubborn, remove it from your heart by doing what you’re stubborn about not doing. If you’re indecisive, take a step towards one of the decisions, and let life flow towards what’s best for you. In all these situations, truthfully, what do you have to lose? Have faith and take a leap! Don’t let fears, pride, or worries cloud your judgment. Be strong in who you are and take a step. God will show you the rest of the way.

Often, the greatest thing that holds us back from succeeding and moving forward with our lives after experiencing something life-changing, is our own soul.

“The greatest Jihad (struggle) one will face is the struggle against his own soul.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

When you are your own greatest opponent, you will always have a challenge to face, because we are human, and humanity is flawed and always in need of improvement. Use this to humble yourself and as your motivation to work harder towards becoming a better person.

As you grow, the challenges you faced in the past become easier to face if they approach you again, and they seem simpler than what you face today. This is beautiful, because it makes you realize that you are capable of overcoming your struggles. It also reminds you that regardless of what you face, God will never burden you beyond your abilities.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned. “Our Lord, do not impose blame upon us if we have forgotten or erred. Our Lord, and lay not upon us a burden like that which You laid upon those before us. Our Lord, and burden us not with that which we have no ability to bear. And pardon us; and forgive us; and have mercy upon us. You are our protector, so give us victory over the disbelieving people.” – Quran (2:286)

As humans, we should constantly be striving towards becoming better as people first before we work towards becoming better in our careers, knowledge, health, etc.

The key to succeeding and finding ease in becoming better as people is through building on our faith and closeness to God. God is the Ultimate Provider of everything, and it’s through Him that we are able to do the things we do. So, it is important for us to worship Him and thank Him for all that He does for us. When we do this, we will find that Allah provides us with what we seek. All we have to do is ask.

“And when My servants ask you, [O Muhammad], concerning Me – indeed I am near. I respond to the invocation of the supplicant when he calls upon Me. So let them respond to Me [by obedience] and believe in Me that they may be [rightly] guided.” – Quran (2:186)

The Prophet (SAW) told us that Allah said:

“My slave does not draw near to Me with anything more beloved to Me than the religious duties I have enjoined upon him, and My slave continues to draw near to Me with supererogatory works so that I love him. When I love him, I am his hearing with which he hears, his sight with which he sees, his hand with which he strikes, and his foot with which he walks. Were he to ask [something] of Me, I would surely give it to him, and were he to ask Me for refuge, I would surely grant him it.” (al-Bukhaari, 6502)

When you challenge yourself, you are facing the greatest challenge you can, which is to overcome your own pride, stubbornness, fears, weaknesses, and more. You become stronger in faith as well, because taking steps towards things that are held back or put aside because of these factors you struggle to overcome is only possible through having more faith and reliance on God. Reflect on who you are and what your strengths and weaknesses are, especially in your faith. Then, take the leap and challenge yourself to become a better you!

And from all of this, you will gain one the greatest victories: inner-peace.

Think, But Don’t Forget To Leap!
Think, But Don’t Forget To Leap! 1095 730 Nadir Keval

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the short period of time I’ve been in the business/entrepreneurial world can be summed up as this:

Think before you leap, but don’t let those thoughts keep you from leaping.

Often in business, we hear stories about how some big percentage of companies fail in the first few years because they didn’t plan. That’s true. Planning is important, but so is taking risks. In fact, the word entrepreneur itself means “a person who organizes and manages any enterprise, especially a business, usually with considerable initiative and risk.”

I remember when I first began venturing into the business world, trying to find my path and what I was really passionate about. Nine out of ten people would tell me that I need to do this before I start my business, and I need to do that after I start to avoid having the company fall apart, and the list goes on. Although many of them had good intentions behind their advice and insight, truth be told, the biggest impact their words on me were negative. I began to get nervous. I lost my confidence in pursuing business, and for a long time was left at a plateau of just starting up my company. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid that I’d lose years of my life working towards something that eventually fall apart, and that other people my age would be so far ahead with their lives, that I’d be the laughing stock of my entire world. I felt frozen.

It wasn’t until I came upon an epiphany, somewhat triggered by someone entering my life and reminding me of the reasons to live up to responsibilities and push hard towards my goals, that I actually broke free from the traps of my own subconscious and took my leap towards my goals. The world around me became a blur, because I was so enthralled with my dreams and ambitions that I felt that nothing could stand in my way anymore. Most importantly, I refused to let myself stand in my own way.

When I was trapped, I also wasn’t very strong in my Deen (Religion) and Imaan (Faith). This was perhaps the greatest weight holding me back from success and a positive mindset. I knew what I wanted to do, but I was too afraid of committing to it. But, as time passed, and as Allah’s blessing of that special soul that helps me find motivation to succeed and work harder came into my life, my Deen and Imaan began to grow stronger. It was at this point I realized that the path I take in my life, the rate at which I reach my success, and the happiness I acquire, will all happen when Allah deems it best for me. So, instead of worrying about timelines and about where others are in there lives, I decided to focus on the present. I focused on what made me happy, and what I hoped to do in order to succeed in this life and the Next.

The Prophet (SAW) said, “A soul will not die until it gets all of the provision that has been apportioned for it.” (Ibn Hibban)

Since then, there have definitely been ups and downs, in business and in life overall, but the lesson I have learned is that preparing and being aware of the realities of business (which are that it requires hard work, passion, and most importantly faith) is crucial to finding success and happiness. That said, it is also important to take leaps of faith, and not worry so much about the future, because as the Arabic proverb states:

“What is destined will reach you, even if it be underneath two mountains. What is not destined, will not reach you, even if it be between your two lips…”

If you’re good at something, or if you enjoy something and are passionate about it, pursue it as a career (as long as it is halal, of course). Always keep a simple mindset towards starting your business, and don’t let your thoughts or the words of others complicate things for you. Get a basic idea of what you want to do, and then just start. As you move forward with your business or project, things will come up that will make you take action and make decisions. Don’t let those overwhelm you. They’re just steps towards your success. If you make a mistake, don’t fret. Instead, learn from it, and keep pushing forward. Too much or too little of anything is dangerous, especially thinking. Just take things naturally, and follow your heart. Pray for guidance and have a positive mindset towards your success. And here’s an extra little secret of mine towards continuing when times get tough: force yourself to smile while you work. Remember, sometimes, all it requires is a little pull upwards on the corners of your lips! 😉

I know all of this may seem daunting, or perhaps you’re still running off of the adrenaline of your passion for your business idea, but know that you will succeed, Insha Allah. I’m still surviving, so you’re sure to succeed! Go catch your dreams! You can do it!

Your Drive Is Your Key
Your Drive Is Your Key 1997 1525 Nadir Keval

As I’ve been trying to figure out what works best for me and my schedule, and trying to get in shape, I’ve been realizing that the most important key to making healthy changes towards a better lifestyle is drive. You can’t eat healthy and follow a nutritious diet without having the drive to. You can’t push yourself to get up and exercise without having that drive to.

In case you weren’t sure, when I refer to drive, I’m talking about that ambition, desire, and discipline to get to your goal no matter what comes in your way. Sometimes, we need to be motivated by external factors, and sometimes what is needed is a sense of motivation from our own selves. I remember once reading a quote by Jason Statham, where he was asked about his motivation towards being so physically fit, and he said, “If you can’t motivate yourself, nothing can motivate you.” I found that really interesting because it made me realize that unless I want to make a change myself, nothing else would be able to convince me to do something. Maybe that’s just me, but I definitely know I can be stubborn about things unless I come to terms with them on my own.

So, after finally coming to this point of knowing what I want and working towards my goals, I decided to set things up so that my morning environment in itself motivates me to do my 6am workouts:

  • I set out my workout clothes, shoes, and water bottle the night before, and place them on my path to my bathroom.
  • I always keep a picture that motivates me towards my goal, and look at it as soon as I wake up.
  • Finally, since I wake up for Tahajjud/Fajr (morning prayers) anyways, Alhamdulillah, I’m already somewhat awake. So, in order to stop myself from going back to bed after prayer, I make my bed as soon as I wake up.
  • I try to keep my bedroom and bathroom as clean as possible, because in my eyes, a clean and organized environment is a sign of success. When clutter builds up, it not only clutters your surroundings, but it clutters your mind as well.

Keeping little things like that in order makes you feel more inclined to get to the gym, because it reminds you of your goals and inspires you towards reaching those goals.

This mentality of focusing on your drive first and foremost is something that can be applied to pretty much any and everything in your life. I just feel my biggest struggle right now is building the drive to get in shape, so I keep pushing myself to remind myself how badly I want this change.

I have to push myself. I have to motivate myself. Unless I’ve reached my goal, I haven’t done enough. Keep moving!

Here’s the current picture I’m using as motivation to get up and work out (it’s from the upcoming movie “The Wolverine” based on one of my favourite characters):

Just Start!
Just Start! 1173 783 Nadir Keval

They say that failing to plan is ultimately planning to fail. Often, we find ourselves in a rut because we’re so busy planning things out and thinking about things, that we end up procrastinating and fall behind. We think we’re being productive, but in fact, we’re just avoiding starting our tasks because we don’t know where to start, or because we’re too afraid or lazy to accept that we have hard work ahead of us.

I always recommend to those I mentor/counsel that they set up a plan towards reaching their goals, and work towards it, recognizing that the plan isn’t written in stone but should be followed with as much precision as possible. That’s all good and well, but what happens when a person finds themselves stranded, going in circles with their planning because they’re completely uncertain as to what steps are needed to reach their goals?

I’ve been in that place before, and trust me, I know it’s as frustrating as frustration can be. There have been times when I would spend hours, days, and sometimes weeks, “planning” out and revising a schedule, and trying to stick to it. The most saddening part about that is that by the time I would have “completed” mapping out my schedule, priorities and responsibilities would have changed, and I would’ve fallen behind with every other aspect of my life. It was INCREDIBLY draining!

Now, to each their own, but my personal foolproof way to stopping that ridiculous cycle is to, as is with every other struggle I face, break it down to the basic core aspects of the matter. I slot things into my schedule step-by-step, following this process:

  1. What are the necessary things in my schedule that aren’t flexible? This could include prayer times, sleep time (the more I research the importance of getting 8 hours of sleep per night, the more I freak out – so sleep is a priority!), class times, work hours, running errands (like having to pick up/drop off someone somewhere at a certain time), meal times, and things like that. I include my workouts in this category, to ensure that I stick to them and take them as seriously as I do my meetings.
  2. What are some things I’d really like to include in my schedule? For me, this includes things like reading a certain amount of Quran every day, doing extra Nawafil or Sunnah (i.e. Salah Ad-Duha, Tahajjud, etc.) prayers, family time, meditating, doing a quick sweep of my bedroom and bathroom to ensure they’re clean, personal studying, learning a new language (I’m slowly working on Arabic right now :D), etc.
  3. Slot in meetings and other appointments weekly, but leave the rest of your schedule open and flexible, as much as possible. I like to leave things really flexible, so that I can concentrate on tasks instead of scheduled periods. I know this isn’t as easy for some because of the restraints of work hours and such, but it’s important to not let yourself get stressed out over deadlines, but rather, to look at them as challenges to overcome. Personally, I don’t look at whether or not I can get something done by a certain time or date, but instead, challenge myself in completing the tasks. For example, I wouldn’t tell myself that I have to complete 20 pages of editing in an hour. Rather, I would challenge myself to see how long it takes me to complete 20 pages of editing, and then would try to beat that the next time I edit, while still ensuring that I maintain the quality of my work. Does that make sense?

One of the greatest challenges I’ve personally faced has been working up the motivation to work on my tasks. This has been a MAJOR struggle for me because everything I do requires that I be disciplined in order for those tasks to be completed: studying online and through personal research, running my own businesses, taking care of my health, running on a disciplined schedule, etc.

During this process of figuring out my ideal way of accomplishing my goals, I found myself a new best friend: To-Do Lists. These things are life savers, and really motivating! The feeling of looking at a list, busting by butt on a particular task, and then crossing out on the list, may seem like a small and measly thing, but I assure you, the feeling is uplifting! Try it out. What’s there to lose? Some say working on the harder tasks first works best. Some say working on the easier tasks first works best. Personally, I just work on the things I feel like working on (on the condition there isn’t something that has a pre-set deadline from someone else, like a client). Find your own ideal.

Next, looking at everything on your list, you may feel overwhelmed. If that’s the case, take this piece of advice that I’ll pass on to you from an old Archie comic I read YEARS ago and have held onto since: “The best way to study is to JUST STUDY.” Take this advice and apply it to everything you do. Sometimes, it’s about just taking that leap, and learning along the way. Actually, most things in life are like that. Going to college/university, a lot of people walk in with a certain mindset and goal, and walk out completely changed with a completely new outlook on life, and on their academic and career goals. Getting in shape, you start by following a basic laid out plan, and then listen to your body and learn from trial and error to see what works best for you. Getting married, you go in trusting in God to guide you because you’ve tried to understand the other person as best you could, prayed and sought Guidance, felt the person had most of what you were looking for in a spouse (because, well, nobody’s perfect, but we can find perfection in imperfections :D), and then grew towards the path that was written for you and your significant other.

The examples go on, but the bottom line is, you have to JUST START. Life is too short to play it safe all the time, and to constantly question every single thought and thing that happens. I know, that’s easier said than done, because I’ve seen all the quotes, Facebook statuses, and tweets about how over-thinking ruins things and makes things more difficult than they are. So, it’s obvious that it’s common to start over-thinking. Shoot! I’m telling you this now, but I sometimes over-think as well! It’s natural. But, who says we have to succumb to it? Overcome your over-thinking! Take leaps of faith! Build up the courage and face your fears! What’s the worst that’ll happen? You’ll get knocked into a different direction with what you sought? Isn’t that great, considering Allah has a plan for you, and wants what’s best for you? Don’t be afraid of failure, my friends. Failure is the fuel of ambition, and ambition is the enemy of fear.

Find Your SELF!
Find Your SELF! 1094 723 Nadir Keval

No, that’s not a typo.

I was discussing the concept of self-identity with a close friend this morning, and it got me thinking about how so many of us are stuck in this whirlwind of personalities, but are never fully focused on ourselves. See, we live our lives with the expectations of others being at the forefront of our minds. Well, not all of us do that, but many do, from what I’ve seen. That can be really detrimental to our self-confidence and self-worth. It’s important to know who you are. I’m sure we’ve all heard it before, about how someone goes to college or travels the world to “find themselves”? Well, those can be expensive options! There are other ways to truly journey the path to finding yourself and figuring out who you want to be and what you want to do with your life, without having to invest thousands, or even hundreds of dollars! Shoot, this probably won’t cost you a cent!

Alright, so there are a few steps that I’ve broken down as the process to finding yourself:

Step 1: Lose Yourself

You’re probably thinking, “Umm..what?! Isn’t that the opposite of what I want??” Well, hear me out. When I say, “Lose yourself,” I’m suggesting that you detach yourself from everything that you are doing or thinking right now. Detach yourself from all of your expectations, and hold strong to nothing except for your faith. Always let your faith be your priority and guiding light.

Step 2: Ask Yourself…

Ask yourself some simple questions to identify what is important in your life. Write these down, if you’d like (I’d recommend it).

  • What are the different components of my life?
  • What impact do I want to make on the world?
  • What kind of person do I want to remembered as?
  • Most importantly, where do I want to go after I die (i.e. Heaven of Hell)?

Asking yourself these questions will not be easy. If you seriously think about them, by digging into the depths of your heart and soul, you’ll find that there is a lot about you that you didn’t know. After you have answered these questions, ask yourself what it is that inclines you towards those answers, and then revise your answers. Your answers may change or may stay the same. But, it’s smart to double-check.

Step 3: Lay Things Out

After you’ve asked yourself the above questions, set up a basic layout of the components of your life. Then, for each component, write down short-term and long-term goals.

Example (I’ve only included details for a couple of the components, to give you an idea):

Components and Goals (Short-Term and Long-Term)

  • Faith
    • (ST) Ensure that I pray every Salah as soon as the Adhan is called (i.e. don’t procrastinate for any reason)
    • (ST) Read one hizb of Quran after every Salah
    • (ST) Read something new about Islam every day, and apply it to my life
    • (LT) Memorize Surah Al-Baqarah
    • (LT) Complete recitation of Quran
    • (LT) Write notes on Tafseer of Quran
  • Family
    • (ST) Spend at least an hour with the family every day without any interruptions from work or friends
    • (ST) Spend more time with my baby sister
    • (LT) Take my sisters out once every 1-2 weeks
    • (LT) Go on family vacation once a year
  • Health
  • Career
  • Seeking Knowledge
  • Community

Step 4: Implementation

You’ve lost yourself, you’ve revised the things that make you who you are and who you want to be, and you’ve set some short-term and long-term goals. Now, it’s time to write out HOW you’re going to reach those goals. So, for example, for my goal to pray once the Adhan is made, I’ve decided to set alarms on my cell phone for Salah times.

A reality that we often don’t recognize is that these reminders and things like that aren’t enough. Without the determination and desire to get up and pray, the alarm will be no more than a sound. So, you have to ask yourself how badly you want to make this change and reach your goal, and must then remind yourself of that every time your alarm rings. If you don’t want it enough, but know that it’s a goal you’d ultimately want, then push yourself to want it more. Push forward, push hard. Keep striving towards these goals.

“Wait…I haven’t found myself yet…”

Patience, young jedi. No, seriously, it really is a matter of patience. No true, long-term growth comes with short-term efforts. As you take these steps, and work hard towards constantly revising and building on these goals, you will begin to discover yourself.

Here’s a little secret I’ll share with you, though: You will never completely find yourself.

The reason is a good one, so don’t panic. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Life is a journey.” Consider that saying and recognize that you will continue your life finding yourself and learning new things about yourself, because you will always be changing and growing. If ever you find yourself believing that you’ve found yourself, lose yourself again, because you probably miscalculated a step in your journey.

Life is filled with ups and downs, and often, you will find yourself afraid or unsure of decisions or steps. But, THAT is when you must take a leap of faith. Seriously! JUMP! Have faith that God will give you the wings to fly. I say this ALL the time, solely because one of the greatest lessons AND challenges I’ve faced in my life has been to realize that I can’t worry about the future. All I can do is work towards it today, and trust that God will show me the rest of the way. Yeah, that rhymed.

As you strive towards finding yourself, and you take that leap of faith, you may worry that you’re leaping towards something that isn’t good for you. When those thoughts come to mind, STOP. Think back to the first thing I said to do in this process. What was left behind when you lost yourself? Your faith. So, have faith as you take your leap, and know that God will guide you towards whatever is best for you. What’s “best” for you doesn’t necessarily include what you want, but instead, includes what you NEED.

Are you working towards a career, but don’t know if it’s right for you? Take the leap, and God will incline you towards the career that’s really best for you (which could be what you always wanted, or something else that you had never even thought of).

Wanting to get married, but are unsure about the person being right for you even though they make you happy and hold all the things you’re looking for in a spouse? Take the leap, and God will lead you towards that person or someone better. And if He leads you to a person, and that marriage leads to divorce, RECOGNIZE that God knew you needed that divorce as part of your path towards reaching your greatest potential.

Struggling with a major step in your life, like moving to a new place that you love and feel would be better for you, but are afraid of hardships that could arise from it? Take the leap, and watch how God protects you and guides you towards what truly is best for you.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

It’s all part of His Plan. We may like some things, and dislikes others, but in truth, we should find peace in accepting that He is the Most Wise and the Most Compassionate, and that He will never lead us astray as long as we hold strong to Him.

And, holding strong to Him is the most important key to finding your self.

Be you. It’s really just that simple.
Be you. It’s really just that simple. 3072 2304 Nadir Keval

That which does not kill me can only make me stronger
(That’s for real)
and I don’t see why everybody feel as though
they gotta tell me how to live my life
(You know?)
Let me live baby, let me live.

– Tupac Shakur

Ask yourself the simple question: “Do I believe that what I’m doing is right and does it pass the tests of my beliefs and values?”

I’m not talking about ethical issues, because this isn’t an ethics class. I’m not gonna talk about things that should be obvious (and because they’re obvious, I don’t need to mention them). But I will speak about the things we face in life, the drama people cause, the struggles we face internally, and externally with others.

In life, you will find that there are going to be a lot of people ready to judge you, to spread negative things about you, and to try to ruin your image. Especially if you are in a more public eye. But, always ask yourself that above question, and believe in yourself.

I find that this is something that we all need to consider in every moment of our lives. Make these things your mindset, in order for you to succeed. I’m not saying this is a law of any sort, but in my opinion, staying true to yourself always keeps you grounded.

This concept and understanding is something relevant to many aspects of life:

Business

In business, you will without doubt, be faced with these sorts of issues, people giving you a variety of opinions on how you should do things, people trying to shut you down before you even get started, etc, etc. But, regardless of what happens, you need to do what you believe is right, what abides to your vision, and what makes you happy. Now, that doesn’t mean you should live life closed-minded. It means to be open to hearing other people’s thoughts when you need a second or third opinion, and to always remember that you should be the one with the final say in your decision. BUT, be careful as to who you ask. Keep a small group of people in your life as your go-to people, that you turn to when you’re unsure of something. For me, I have my two best friends (they know who they are 🙂 ), another friend who’s like a brother to me (he knows himself too haha) my parents and sisters, and well, that’s it. Of course, when I get married God-willing, I’d want to add my wife to that list. But, you get the point.

Also, another point that I would suggest is to not talk about your ideas, or your plans, until after you’re on your way to working on them. For example, if you’re going to start a business, don’t go telling everyone all the details of your idea. That’s how you get naysayers and idea-theives excited haha. Just do your thing, keep it to yourself, and then, when ready, launch your idea. 🙂

Friends

Often, for the sake of keeping someone around, or not losing a “friend”, we sacrifice what we believe in. We change ourselves, just to make sure that we don’t lose someone we think is important to us. But, a true friend – and I speak out of experience of going through many of the so-called “true” friends – is that person that stands by you, and gives you that unconditional love, regardless of what you do. He/She wouldn’t ask you to change. Wouldn’t make you feel bad about who you are. A friend tells you, “I will always be here, to help you through your life, and I’d expect the same from you.” When you think about it like that, you realize, you could filter out most of your friends, and find the few remaining ones that are worth your effort. And when a person makes that effort to be a good friend, let them. Friendship is not a right. It’s deserved. I think most things are, and friendship sure is one of those things.

Relationships

When it comes to relationships, the concept is similar to that of friends (mentioned above). A partner has to be your friend. Otherwise, it won’t work. At least not in my opinion. You have to be able to be best friends. This is that person that you’ll be sharing your most intimate moments with, the person who will make you whole.*

Friendship is the first step, and so, in the same way, the person your soul connects to in that way should be willing to embrace you as you are, no matter how you change. So, be you, work hard towards your visions and work hard towards your relationship. Yes, relationships are in need of compromises at times, but at no cost, in my opinion, should we change ourselves at the core-level.

* Sidenote: Yes, your partner, the person you end up with, should make you whole. But, if God-forbid, things don’t work out between you two, remember that there’s a reason for everything. Also, don’t become dependant on that person. Make them a choice, not the source of vulnerability.

Family

This is that group of people that will often drive you nuts with their input, or will confuse you with their opinions on how you should do things. But, in the end, remember that they are the same people who will stand by you regardless of what happens. (There are very rare situations where this isn’t the case, but trust me, chances are you’re not in one of those situations.) I have personally been through so many struggles in life, sometimes clashing with my family, but in the end, they were the ones that stood by me.

When I speak of family, I’m speaking of your direct family. Not necessarily your extended family. Your direct family knows you best, considering they have probably spent more time with you than other relatives.

When your family suggests things to you, or tells you their thoughts on something, it’s best to consider what they are saying, and then make your own decision. They are saying what they say often out of the goodness of their hearts. Even if you don’t like what they say, thank them for their opinion and then make your decision. Nothing in this world is worth breaking bonds with family, except your religious beliefs. Then to, don’t break the bonds completely, but continue being kind to them.

Personal Growth

This is a major struggle many of us face. As we grow, we develop not only physically, but mentally and soulfully as well. These latter developments are in fact the things that make us who we are. As we grow, we realize that certain things matter more to us than others, and so, we develop an affection towards those things. These things may be inclusive of spirituality, diet, morality, passions, and more. It is important that we take these aspects of our lives and allow them to grow naturally within ourselves. Time is something constant, and so, it is best for us to work with time as it comes. Rushing growth will only stunt it. Instead, take the changes your experiences, the growth you endure, and make the most of them. If you fall in the process of that growth, then so be it. Don’t concern yourself with the pain the fall caused you, because that pain will become your focus. Instead, concern yourself with how you can take that fall and learn from it: What lead to the fall, and how can I avoid that next time? How can I get up from this fall faster next time? etc.

Life will throw you difficulties. Don’t let those difficulties hit you. Instead, catch them and throw them back at life. 🙂

So, in the end…

It’s a simple matter of staying true to yourself. Ask yourself if what you do will result in something that will make you happy and will help you towards your ultimate goals. Ask yourself if who you are will compromised by taking that different step. Ask yourself if you are ready to take on that challenge and make those changes you need to make if necessary, in order for you to reach your goals.

Who you are will without doubt change during your lifetime, but let that change come naturally from within, not from your concerns for the judgments of other people.

The decision is only for God

[Quran, Chapter al-An’aam 6:57]

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