Q&A

Question: Why are some people tested more than others?
Question: Why are some people tested more than others? 1681 1189 Nadir Keval

Question:

It seems unfair at times as you seem to have it all. May Allah bless you with more inshaAllah, but at times I find it all too much as you really seem to have a great life. A great family, good food, great job… Why are some people tested more than the others. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t envy you but can’t help but wonder. Why you, why not me?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah grant you contentment and satisfaction with Allah, His Decree, and His Provision, and bless you with the heights of happiness and success in this life and the Next. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, I do have a great life, but this should not be misconstrued as being a life without struggle, strife, and challenges. I have experienced many different phases in my life, including health scares, desperation for enough food to eat in a day, heartbreak, family discourse, and more. For all of it, I say, with all sincerity, Alhamdulillah.

What makes my life seem so great is the approach I take towards it, wa lillahil hamd. I believe in being grateful for all that we have and recognizing that there may be some things that happen in our lives that we don’t necessarily want or expect, but those are often the same things we later learn to be amongst the most beneficial towards our growth and happiness.

The question of why some are tested more than others is often asked, and has many responses based on wisdom. The first thing to understand though, before addressing that question, is that tests come in different forms. Just because a person gains wealth, does not mean that they are not being tested. Their test comes in how they use that wealth, and whether or not they show gratitude for what Allah has blessed them with. Just because a person’s life seems to be in order, doesn’t mean that they aren’t being tested in their own capacity.

Some of the many reasons for some people being “tested” more than others include:

  • Allah is protecting you from something. For years, I have wanted to get married, but things haven’t panned out, and often I’ve been left hurt, betrayed, and changed. In situations like that, I am getting tested, and being saved. The test comes in how I deal with the situation, and being saved comes from the fact that I look back at the experiences I had with those individuals, or look at where they are now, and recognize that I have been blessed to have not gotten married to them because of who they truly were then or who they are now.
  • The time for your success is not ideal yet, and Allah is preparing you for that time. It took me many years to see my businesses reach any level of success. During that proves, I was tested with patience, perseverance, and reliance on Allah. It was a trying time, and after hard work and a lot of time spent in prayer and supplication, weeping and seeking the help of Allah, I got what I was looking for. The difference though was that I got what I needed and not necessarily what I wanted, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
  • You are being strengthened. It often takes years for most people before they see success. During this time, they are given the option of becoming stronger or giving up. Those who choose to become stronger begin to work harder, build their patience, and increase their threshold for struggle. Betterment is always a blessing, so it’d be wise to make the most of it.
  • You are being given the opportunity to grow closer to Allah. It was definitely through the hardships and struggles I faced when it came to my health, relationships, and career, that I grew closest to Allah. I knew that I was being tested and that Allah wouldn’t forsake me, because He knows that in the depths of my heart, I know that He is the only One that could ever save me from my misery. And so, I increased my worship, worked harder than ever, and trained my mind to understand and accept that Allah is going to take care of me as long as I recognize Him to be above everything and my closest friend.

Akhi/Ukhti, it’s important to understand that whatever trials and tribulations we go through, as well as any success we may experience are all blessings and tests at the same time. My life is only the way it is not because of an absence of trials and tribulations, but because of a connection with Allah that I have worked a long time to establish, and will be working the rest of my life to completely perfect. I have my down times, I have my moments of despair and desperation, but that is because I am human and capable of error. Not because I have more talent, skill, or even Love from Allah. I don’t quantify those things in my life. Instead, I just work hard at everything I do, and make Islam my core.

So, my advice to you, if you’re going through a tough time and need an out is to remember and apply the lessons from this verse:

“And whoever has cognizance of Allah – He will make for him a way out…and will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

Applying this means building a relationship with Allah so that you become completely cognizant of all that He is capable of, and thus, become patient and content as you strive and wait for your efforts to pay off. Build on your faith and relationship with Allah, work incredibly hard, and be patient. You are in the blessed month of Ramadan, so take advantage of this opportunity to build your faith and make Islam the core of every aspect of your life. I wrote about this in a recent article, which I feel you may benefit from: “The Seed Of All Success”

Finally, remember the hadith of the Prophet (SAW), where he said:

“No soul will die until it has received its provision in full and completed its allotted lifespan.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

So, don’t worry about where you are in life right now. Be grateful for it because Allah has His Wisdom behind it. And take this as an opportunity to grow closer to Allah, to grow stronger in your character, and to take this time to make the most of everything you’ve been blessed with. Dwell not on the things that bring you hardship, but find hope in that which you have been blessed with, good and bad.

I hope this answers your question. Jazakallahu khairun for the admiration and dua. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: Seen enough of what the world has to offer. What do I do?
Question: Seen enough of what the world has to offer. What do I do? 1920 1080 Nadir Keval

Question:

Brother Nadir, I wanted to ask your perception on a certain idea. I feel that Allah has shown me enough of what this limited world has to offer. I don’t think the world can get any more badder from personal experience and observation of others life, and Allah has given us so much things to be grateful for, that it makes me feel guilty of even being a part of this world. Because surely I cannot return. So what would you do? Does it makes sense? :/

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak!

I think I understand what you’re asking, and there are a few points that cross my mind. Your message sparked many thoughts into my mind, the strongest of which was that if you feel that Allah has shown you enough, then make an effort and make dua. If you feel that He has shown you enough good, ask for more. If you feel that He has shown you enough bad, ask for less, ask for strength and guidance, and ask Him to make you grateful. Also, because you have not yet seen what the future has to hold, you don’t really know what is out there.

Look at it this way: as a child, you would look at up the kitchen countertop and wonder what it would be like to see the top of the counter. You would ask your parents to show it to you, so they would lift you up to see, and you would be grateful. Eventually, you grew up, and that countertop was easily accessible to you, so you forgot about how great it was when you got to see it as a child. It became a norm, a thing of no significance. Still, you would go walking in downtown and would see tall buildings, wondering what was in them. Then, you grow up, get a job, and are working in a tall building as well. Eventually, going to work and being in that building would become a norm and routine for you, and if you didn’t enjoy your job, you may even dread going to that tall building you once dreamt about. So, you would begin to wonder what it would be like to be on the top floor of the building, to live life as the boss. So, you’d work hard and eventually would reach the top of the building. There, you would face the challenges of running a business, the responsibilities of leading a balanced life, and trying to continue to build the business. It will have its days of being overwhelming and difficult, and if you were to let those things get to you, you’d begin to dread being the boss, and would hate being at the top of the building, dreaming of going back to your old job as a worker in the middle of the tall building. You may then even tell yourself that you’ve had enough of this life and that want to die. Then, eventually, when it is written for you, you pass away. As you lay in the grave, your soul being asked its questions, you will wish you were alive again, so that you could be grateful for all that Allah gave you. You would wish you were at the top of the building again, so you could take the opportunity to help as many people as you could because you had been blessed with so much. You would try to make life easier for the people that worked below you, because you were once in their position and know what kinds of things would benefit them. Then, you would realize how blessed you were as that teen, where Allah gave you the resources, support, and guidance to do well in your pursuits and get a job in a tall building as you had once dreamed. And you would be thankful to Allah for giving you that sense of curiousity and ambition as a child that lead to you want to always see more. But alas, you will find yourself laying in the grave, no chance of going back to ask Allah for forgiveness or to show Him your gratitude for all that He blessed you with.

So, consider some lessons from this story:

  • There is always more that we have left to see in this world, and there will never come a time when things will be perfect. Instead of being sad over the fact that you feel the world can’t get any worse in your personal life or around the world, step out of sadness and step up into action and start making changes to help yourself and others lead better lives. Don’t be amongst those who complain and fall into depressed solitude when facing struggle. Instead, be amongst those who recognize that Allah has promised us that “Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change that which is within themselves.” (Quran 13:11) Make a change in your own life, and then work towards helping others do the same, while being kind, understanding, and patient.
  • No matter how far you get in life, always look back at how things once were and find lessons and reminders to keep you on track and grateful.
  • Always thank Allah and ask Him for forgiveness, because there is no limit to how much we have to be grateful for, and there is no knowing how much we need to seek forgiveness for.
  • If you are unsatisfied with how things are in life, always remember to make dua and to ask Allah for guidance and help. He is capable of all things, so don’t hesitate and don’t be ashamed to ask Him when you’re down or scattered in thought.
  • Our purpose in life is to worship Allah. This is to be done through prayer and supplication, as well as through our careers, seeking knowledge, building relationships, being a part of charitable pursuits, and more. We don’t know how long it will take for us to fulfill our individual roles in this purpose (i.e. we don’t know long we’re meant to live), but it is on us to take advantage of the time we have been given to fulfill our purpose to the best of our abilities until ALLAH sees fit that we no longer continue. And when that will be is not in our knowledge, so it’s always best to not dwell on that, and to instead, place our focus on worshiping Allah through everything we do.

Also, there is no need for you to feel guilty for what Allah has blessed you with. You wouldn’t have it if you weren’t worthy of it. But, what matters now is how you pass this test…will you be grateful, or will you ignore the blessing of Allah has given you?

Ultimately, our lives are gifts from Allah and it’s on us to make the most of life. If you feel as though Allah has shown you enough good, then spend the rest of the time Allah has given you in this life showing Him gratitude by worshiping Him, thanking Him, and striving to live for the sake of goodness of humanity through following the example of the Prophet (SAW). If you feel as though Allah has shown you enough bad in this life, stop being sad about it and make a change towards growth and betterment. Complaining or feeling bad about it won’t make things better. Taking action will.

Allah knows best.

I pray that Allah guides all of us towards being more grateful, patient, and driven, and that this message reaches you in the best of health and Imaan (faith). Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: How To Cope With Depression and Anxiety From A Religious Standpoint
Question: How To Cope With Depression and Anxiety From A Religious Standpoint 1680 1050 Nadir Keval

I was asked this question a few days ago, and thought it would be best to share as a post of its own because of the importance and relevance it has to the Muslim community, and people overall in today’s world. I also receive questions regularly on my Tumblr blog, and so I will try to post the longer responses here as well, insha Allah.

Question:

Assalamu ‘Alaikum Akhi! i was wondering if you have any advice on how to cope with depression and anxiety from a religious stand point. As i have found it quite difficult to discuss it with family due to the stigma in my culture. may Allah reward you for everything you have accomplished and may He make your future goals possible with his grace ameen.

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam,

My apologies for the delay in responding to your question. I wanted to take some time to think about it and determine how to answer it in the best way I could.

Depression is a touchy topic, not because of the fact that it’s considered taboo to discuss, but because of its fragile nature. As a person who was once diagnosed with clinical depression, and was able to overcome it by the Mercy of Allah, with faith and determination, and without the use of medication, I feel I hold a unique view on the subject. Still, I am not a scholar or a doctor, so I can’t say much based on evidences other than what I’ve used in my own experiences. I would suggest that in addition to my response, you also seek the counsel of a Muslim whose Islamic knowledge and wisdom you trust, as well as the advice of a doctor specialized in the specific types of struggles you are facing that are causing your current state.

First thing to address is the difference between depression and sadness. Both, at their varying degrees, can be mistaken for one another. Both are also serious things that should be addressed as soon as possible. Regardless of which it is, recognize that both can be addressed, and will only determine your future if you allow them to.

Personally, when I went through this, I first looked at my faith. I gave myself an in-depth self-check, and asked myself whether or not I was truly doing my best with my faith. As a Muslim, I know that my solution in any and everything ultimately relies on Allah, and so, I chose to first put my focus on that. That said, I would suggest you take a look at the basic elements of practicing and believing in the faith, and ask yourself where you stand with them. For example, how is your Tawakkul? Do you recognize that Allah is the One who is able to do all things and is the facilitator of your affairs? Do you know and sincerely believe in the following verse?

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned.” – Quran (2:286)

Do you know with full confidence and certainty that Allah is the Most Merciful, and won’t put you through anything you can’t handle – which ultimately tells you that you are capable of overcoming any and everything you face? These were the first things that I had to learn to accept and truly believe in. It took some time and convincing (within myself), but I was able to do it, because I knew it was the truth. I knew that the truth was something that just needed to be engrained into my soul. In order to make these aspects of the faith a part of my very essence, I knew that I needed to take action to build my relationship with Allah. So, I began to focus on seeking the Help of Allah, by making a lot of dua, but in moderation. Even dua is something that must be done in moderation, because it is very easy for us to fall into this condition of begging Allah for help, expecting Him to fix everything with some miracle, without actually making the effort to do something positive and productive towards building myself back up. And so, I began to focus on perfecting my Salah. That didn’t mean that I just jumped in and started increasing the quantity of my prayers and worship. The key isn’t quantity – it’s quality. So, I began with focusing on the Fard (obligatory) prayers, and ensuring that I perfected every moment of that prayer. I didn’t worry about how long each prayer took. Sometimes, praying Asr would take me 20-25 minutes, Alhamdulillah. My focus was on finding that connection with Allah in every prayer. After this became a comfortable part of my lifestyle, I began to give back more by volunteer with programs (run by Muslims and non-Muslims) that were focused on helping those that were struggling in life (I don’t like using the term “less-fortunate people” because I feel it leads to negative judgments of others). When you work with people who are struggling more than you are, you begin to truly appreciate the good in your life, and it helps bring things into perspective. So, my faith comprised of three things: Dua, Salah, and Sadaqah. Since then, I have constantly worked towards building my Imaan through other actions, which I may discuss another day, insha Allah.

Consider solidifying your spiritual health as being your warm-up before taking on the workout that is life.

After this, I began to focus on taking care of myself more. After spiritual health, how much emphasis do you put on your physical and mental health? Work towards increasing your physical activity in life. Push yourself when you train, and let out your emotions, feelings, and stress, while also maintaining balance and ensuring you don’t overstep and hurt yourself. This is a great way to learn how to gain control of your emotions and thoughts. Building on controlling your mind helps immensely in your growth and in fighting falling back into depression or sadness. I have experienced things that are FAR worse than what I faced when I was diagnosed with clinical depression, and since then, I’ve found myself to be in more control of my mind and the struggles I face.

When it comes to your mental health, it’s important to recognize that we are created balanced, and that as we go through life, we lose balance, and it’s on us to maintain equilibrium. Take a break sometimes. Work hard at other times. Listen to your body. Know that life is balanced, meaning that things won’t always work out your way, but rather will be balanced with going your way and going another way. There is yin and yang in everything. Two ways for anything to go, and you must understand that life will always go as it is meant to, not as you want it to.

Finally, I want you to ask yourself about your condition. I understand the taboo quality the concept of depression holds in almost every culture around the world, but you must understand that the way things are thought to be is irrelevant to you and what you face now. If I followed the path that was “expected” of me, I wouldn’t be where I am today. Don’t discredit the weight depression and/or sadness can place on a person’s shoulders, but always remember that you are never faced with anything that you can’t handle, that everything you face is a challenge to make you a greater and better person, and that what you face is only as heavy and overwhelming as you let it be. Face life with confidence in Allah, and in yourself. Allah wouldn’t have you face anything you can’t handle, which means that He, the All-Knowing, Most Wise, has confidence in you being able to fight through it. And the last thought I’ll leave you with is one that gives me peace whenever I begin to struggle and feel overwhelmed with something in my life:

“There is no calamity that strikes a believer, even if it as small as the prick of a thorn, except that it expiates the sins of that believer.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

I pray that Allah gives you strength and guidance as you work towards overcoming your sadness or depression, and that you find peace and control within your heart and mind as you move forward with your life. May Allah give you the best in this life and the Hereafter. Ameen.

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