Wisdom

Have Patience, My Friends
Have Patience, My Friends 1280 1024 Nadir Keval

Patience. Perhaps one of the greatest struggles we face as humans living in a world where we have become accustomed to instant gratification. In days of old, to travel from one place to another, people would spend months traveling by foot, horse, boat, or whatever they’d be blessed enough to have. Those same distances are now traveled within a matter of a few hours. Yet, we complain that we our flights are too long, that we don’t get the luxurious trips we “deserve”, and so on. Lovers would write to each other and sometimes have to wait weeks or months to hear from one another. Now, if we don’t get a text message back within minutes, we get upset and start to over-think and over-analyze things, leading us to break our relationships to pieces, because we were too impatient.

Being patient is incredibly important, and Allah has made that very clear in the Quran as well, where He says:

“And obey Allah and His Messenger, and do not dispute and [thus] lose courage and [then] your strength would depart; and be patient. Indeed, Allah is with the patient.” – Quran (8:46)

“But if you are patient – it is better for those who are patient.” – Quran (16:126)

“If good touches you, it distresses them; but if harm strikes you, they rejoice at it. And if you are patient and fear Allah , their plot will not harm you at all. Indeed, Allah is encompassing of what they do.” – Quran (3:120)

“Indeed, he who fears Allah and is patient, then indeed, Allah does not allow to be lost the reward of those who do good.” – Quran (12:90)

“O you who have believed, persevere and endure and remain stationed and fear Allah that you may be successful.” – Quran (3:200)

“But they never lost assurance due to what afflicted them in the cause of Allah , nor did they weaken or submit. And Allah loves the steadfast.” – Quran (3:146)

“And We will surely test you with something of fear and hunger and a loss of wealth and lives and fruits, but give good tidings to the patient, who, when disaster strikes them, say, “Indeed we belong to Allah , and indeed to Him we will return.” Those are the ones upon whom are blessings from their Lord and mercy. And it is those who are the [rightly] guided.” – Quran (2:155-157)

“And seek help through patience and prayer, and indeed, it is difficult except for the humbly submissive [to Allah]” – Quran (2:45)

“Indeed, I have rewarded them this Day for their patient endurance – that they are the attainers [of success].” – Quran (23:111)

There are so many more examples of this, but I think these paint the picture I’m trying to portray. Patience is something that comes with its benefits, including the reward of Jannah and the Companionship and Help of Allah. So, really is there really anything more enticing and inspiring than that? What more could you want? With those two benefits, you get happiness and success not only in this life, but in the Hereafter, as well! Allahu Akbar! (Allah is the Greatest!)

To Build Patience, First…

  1. Have Faith: This is the most important factor in pretty much everything we pursue, but with patience, it is even more crucial, because it lays out where we will go with the next steps. I have experienced an attempt at patient with and without patience, and to be honest, without faith, patience is not only impossible, but its absence breaks a person at the very core of their being. With faith, however, it feels no worse that a small pinch of nerves every once in a while.
  2. Be Grateful: Look at everything you have in front of you, and consider the fact that Allah has given you so much more than He could have chosen not to give you. No one can look at life, especially as a Muslim, and think that they are not blessed in one way or another. Even if you are a person who has nothing more to his name than the clothes on his back and the faith in his heart, you should consider yourself blessed, because with every moment of struggle you face, Allah is purifying your sins, based on the Hadith of the Prophet (SAW): “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”
  3. Be Hopeful: To know for a fact that Allah will answer your Dua (supplication) is a prerequisite to your Dua being answered. Know, without a shadow of a doubt, that will ease your struggle, and will not place on you a greater burden than what you can handle. If you feel like you can’t handle it, remind yourself that Allah knows you better than you know yourself, and that for this reason, He will certainly give you the tools you need to get through what you’re facing.
  4. Be Optimistic: As you go through your struggles and challenges, remember that Allah has a reason for all that is happening to you, and that there is a positive benefit to come from you facing what you face. He will get you through this, so don’t stress, and put on a smile because you know you have plenty of reasons to.
  5. Be Content: Try to avoid thinking of the reasons for Allah putting you through your struggle, or what lessons you have to learn from these experiences. Instead, reflect back on them after you have learned the reasons from Allah revealing them to you. Stressing about Allah’s plans and reasons won’t do you any good. Just know that He won’t let you down as long as you trust in Him.

Some practical ways to build on your patience:

  • Fasting: Personally, this has helped me to so many degrees in maintaining my patience, that I don’t have enough words to express it. It has and still does help me in my pursuits and ambitions towards becoming a better Muslim, towards my projects, towards getting married to the woman of my dreams, towards reaching my goals in health and fitness, and in finding my path in this world.
  • Doing more Nawafil (voluntary acts of worship): This will help us in training ourselves towards making Allah our greatest priority, and as a result, will increase our faith and closeness to Allah, which in turn, will increase the ease and guarantee in Allah’s response to our pleas of His Assistance and Blessings. Ask yourself, how quickly do you rush out of the masjid or away from Salah (prayer) after you have completed your Fard (mandatory) Salah? Often, we don’t take the time to pray the Sunnah or Nawafil prayers because we’re rushed to get back to work, are about to miss the beginning of a show on TV, or something like that.
  • Meditation: This is something that many scholars debate about, but the meditation I use to calm my mind and bring me back on track with my patience and focus is one that is very simple and unrelated to any religious meditation. It was actually suggested to me by a very good friend, who also said it helped in one’s focus in prayer. To do this simple meditation practice, sit down in a quiet place and close your eyes and slowly count to 10. Every time you have an external thought enter your mind, you have to start from 1 again. Do this as a way to clear your mind of clutter, and to bring yourself back to peace, so that you can calmly approach your struggle and test with patience and optimism.

This really only covers the bare basics of the topic of patience, and still, I feel as though I haven’t even reached that degree yet. But, I believe that this is a good start, and hope that with time, as I learn more, I will be able to share the lessons I experience with all of you. If any of you have some positive feedback, or some more pointers on what else can be discussed on the topic, then by all means, share away 🙂

May Allah make us all amongst the patient, so that He may be pleased with us and so that we can be amongst the dwellers of Jannah. Ameen!

Self-Imposed Slavery
Self-Imposed Slavery 1092 731 Nadir Keval

Every day, we battle something. Whether we recognize it or not, we combat against ourselves to keep moving forward, to let go of bad habits, to fulfill responsibilities, etc. Every situation is unique, and every person has their own personal challenges and struggles.

One of the key ingredients to sorrow, misery, and difficulty, is the lack of optimism and courage in one’s heart and mind towards facing what opposes them. There are many external factors in what causes us difficulty, but in dealing with it, overcoming what I call, “Self-imposed Slavery” is the first step.

Often, we trap ourselves, making ourselves think that we are incapable of doing something. We think, “What’s the point? I’m gonna screw up anyways,” or, “It’s too hard,” or, “I’m not ______ enough.” We have to recognize that we are only as good as we believe we can be.

I’ve been there. I know what it’s like. You feel like the weight of the world sits on your shoulders, holding you back from moving forward because you’re absolutely certain you’re going to fail. You feel like all the expectations people have of you will be shattered, especially your own expectations of yourself. No matter what you do, you know you will fail. It’s a horrific feeling, especially when you feel as though you have no choice in the matter.

More times than not, all we need is that extra little push. It’s not always a permanent solution to never feeling those nerves or sense of potential failure again, but it’s surely something that will help you move forward. I remember the first time I stood in front of an audience 10 years ago. I felt as though I was going to throw up on stage, or that I’d mess up my lines (I was acting in a play), or wouldn’t be loud enough for the audience to hear me, or that I would freeze on stage. Here’s the thing: I still feel those things every single time I stand in front of an audience. It’s always there.

However, each and every time, I find that the only solution is to just do it. Stare your fear in the face and tell it to move aside. You’ve got far too much potential to let it hold you back. I believe that we can only progress if we push forward and face our fears. Ask your heart what it wants, and go get it. Don’t let your fears of failure hold you back. You have the opportunity and the potential to achieve anything your heart desires, as long as you work incredibly hard towards it, hold strong to your faith, and maintain positivity and optimism that you will be okay, regardless of where your path leads. The happiest people are those who go after what they really want, despite the obstacles. You can achieve your dreams. You can achieve great. You just have to unlock your own shackles and set yourself free. And only you can do that. You’re the only one with the key.

Find Your SELF!
Find Your SELF! 1094 723 Nadir Keval

No, that’s not a typo.

I was discussing the concept of self-identity with a close friend this morning, and it got me thinking about how so many of us are stuck in this whirlwind of personalities, but are never fully focused on ourselves. See, we live our lives with the expectations of others being at the forefront of our minds. Well, not all of us do that, but many do, from what I’ve seen. That can be really detrimental to our self-confidence and self-worth. It’s important to know who you are. I’m sure we’ve all heard it before, about how someone goes to college or travels the world to “find themselves”? Well, those can be expensive options! There are other ways to truly journey the path to finding yourself and figuring out who you want to be and what you want to do with your life, without having to invest thousands, or even hundreds of dollars! Shoot, this probably won’t cost you a cent!

Alright, so there are a few steps that I’ve broken down as the process to finding yourself:

Step 1: Lose Yourself

You’re probably thinking, “Umm..what?! Isn’t that the opposite of what I want??” Well, hear me out. When I say, “Lose yourself,” I’m suggesting that you detach yourself from everything that you are doing or thinking right now. Detach yourself from all of your expectations, and hold strong to nothing except for your faith. Always let your faith be your priority and guiding light.

Step 2: Ask Yourself…

Ask yourself some simple questions to identify what is important in your life. Write these down, if you’d like (I’d recommend it).

  • What are the different components of my life?
  • What impact do I want to make on the world?
  • What kind of person do I want to remembered as?
  • Most importantly, where do I want to go after I die (i.e. Heaven of Hell)?

Asking yourself these questions will not be easy. If you seriously think about them, by digging into the depths of your heart and soul, you’ll find that there is a lot about you that you didn’t know. After you have answered these questions, ask yourself what it is that inclines you towards those answers, and then revise your answers. Your answers may change or may stay the same. But, it’s smart to double-check.

Step 3: Lay Things Out

After you’ve asked yourself the above questions, set up a basic layout of the components of your life. Then, for each component, write down short-term and long-term goals.

Example (I’ve only included details for a couple of the components, to give you an idea):

Components and Goals (Short-Term and Long-Term)

  • Faith
    • (ST) Ensure that I pray every Salah as soon as the Adhan is called (i.e. don’t procrastinate for any reason)
    • (ST) Read one hizb of Quran after every Salah
    • (ST) Read something new about Islam every day, and apply it to my life
    • (LT) Memorize Surah Al-Baqarah
    • (LT) Complete recitation of Quran
    • (LT) Write notes on Tafseer of Quran
  • Family
    • (ST) Spend at least an hour with the family every day without any interruptions from work or friends
    • (ST) Spend more time with my baby sister
    • (LT) Take my sisters out once every 1-2 weeks
    • (LT) Go on family vacation once a year
  • Health
  • Career
  • Seeking Knowledge
  • Community

Step 4: Implementation

You’ve lost yourself, you’ve revised the things that make you who you are and who you want to be, and you’ve set some short-term and long-term goals. Now, it’s time to write out HOW you’re going to reach those goals. So, for example, for my goal to pray once the Adhan is made, I’ve decided to set alarms on my cell phone for Salah times.

A reality that we often don’t recognize is that these reminders and things like that aren’t enough. Without the determination and desire to get up and pray, the alarm will be no more than a sound. So, you have to ask yourself how badly you want to make this change and reach your goal, and must then remind yourself of that every time your alarm rings. If you don’t want it enough, but know that it’s a goal you’d ultimately want, then push yourself to want it more. Push forward, push hard. Keep striving towards these goals.

“Wait…I haven’t found myself yet…”

Patience, young jedi. No, seriously, it really is a matter of patience. No true, long-term growth comes with short-term efforts. As you take these steps, and work hard towards constantly revising and building on these goals, you will begin to discover yourself.

Here’s a little secret I’ll share with you, though: You will never completely find yourself.

The reason is a good one, so don’t panic. I’m sure you’ve heard the saying, “Life is a journey.” Consider that saying and recognize that you will continue your life finding yourself and learning new things about yourself, because you will always be changing and growing. If ever you find yourself believing that you’ve found yourself, lose yourself again, because you probably miscalculated a step in your journey.

Life is filled with ups and downs, and often, you will find yourself afraid or unsure of decisions or steps. But, THAT is when you must take a leap of faith. Seriously! JUMP! Have faith that God will give you the wings to fly. I say this ALL the time, solely because one of the greatest lessons AND challenges I’ve faced in my life has been to realize that I can’t worry about the future. All I can do is work towards it today, and trust that God will show me the rest of the way. Yeah, that rhymed.

As you strive towards finding yourself, and you take that leap of faith, you may worry that you’re leaping towards something that isn’t good for you. When those thoughts come to mind, STOP. Think back to the first thing I said to do in this process. What was left behind when you lost yourself? Your faith. So, have faith as you take your leap, and know that God will guide you towards whatever is best for you. What’s “best” for you doesn’t necessarily include what you want, but instead, includes what you NEED.

Are you working towards a career, but don’t know if it’s right for you? Take the leap, and God will incline you towards the career that’s really best for you (which could be what you always wanted, or something else that you had never even thought of).

Wanting to get married, but are unsure about the person being right for you even though they make you happy and hold all the things you’re looking for in a spouse? Take the leap, and God will lead you towards that person or someone better. And if He leads you to a person, and that marriage leads to divorce, RECOGNIZE that God knew you needed that divorce as part of your path towards reaching your greatest potential.

Struggling with a major step in your life, like moving to a new place that you love and feel would be better for you, but are afraid of hardships that could arise from it? Take the leap, and watch how God protects you and guides you towards what truly is best for you.

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

It’s all part of His Plan. We may like some things, and dislikes others, but in truth, we should find peace in accepting that He is the Most Wise and the Most Compassionate, and that He will never lead us astray as long as we hold strong to Him.

And, holding strong to Him is the most important key to finding your self.

Relationships: What If?
Relationships: What If? 1280 800 Nadir Keval

So, I was sifting through YouTube when I fell upon this video. I’d say it’s pretty well done, considering I would say that many of us have experienced something similar to this in our lives. At first, I thought, wow, what a great depiction of relationships. Then, I realized that there is much more we could do to approach relationships in a more mature, responsible and stress-free way.

See, Islam’s way to approach a relationship is different, but unfortunately, today, people feel that this is a better approach. It’s a touching story, but in truth, Allah knows what is best, and His advice through the Quran and through the teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) is ultimately still more beneficial. If we all learned to just trust in Allah more, we’d find love much easier to find. Allah knows best, and it’s important we remember that we just need to bring our hearts closer to Him, and He will bring us the love we deserve, Insha Allah 🙂

We worry so often about what will happen if we get married to someone that’s not right for us. But, I guarantee that if we do things as Muslims, in the way that Islam has taught us to do things, we won’t lose. I know, I know, the divorce rate amongst Muslims is drastically increasing, but at the same time, have we ever considered that the reason is because we go about getting married in ways that displease Allah? He is the One that can either bless or curse our marriages, so why do we not focus on ensuring that we live out our lives, have our weddings, and build our marriages in ways that He has described as being the righteous and most beneficial way? How many times has Allah promised us that He will protect us if we solely rely on Him? That promise is stronger than any promise a person can give you. So, trust it!

What is there to fear? One of two things will happen if you consider someone: Allah will bring you closer to that person and make marriage come easy, or He will remove that person from your heart and replace them with someone that’s better for you. Either way, it’s a win-win Insha Allah. Focus on building yourself, and if someone is suggested to you, or you’re interested in someone, pray Isthikhaarah and make dua. Then, if you feel inclined towards that person, talk to them bluntly about things. Relationships in Islam are clear-cut. Either you’re into the person or you’re not. It doesn’t take months or years to know if a person is good for you to consider for marriage or not. It takes a moment to say, this person is someone I could consider, or that this person isn’t. Your Isthikhaarah will take effect insha Allah, and things will become clear to you. Do things with Allah in mind, and move forward from there.

Muslims aren’t wusses because we know that we have nothing to worry about except for seeking Allah’s pleasure. We know that Allah has our backs, so we’re supposed to be stress-free. Ever thought that if that’s how we Muslims should be, then all these doubts and concerns that enter our minds when we fear approaching marriage even when we find someone we think would be great for us, might just be the whispers of Shaitaan? Makes ya think, doesn’t it?

Regardless, be straightforward, tell a person how you feel, ask Allah to guide you, and then take steps forward. If the person’s right for you, Allah will make it clear to you if you are reliant on Him. If the person isn’t good for you, He will make it clear to you to steer clear of that person, once again IF you are reliant on Him.

Don’t spend too much time just hanging around. You’re just asking for fitna (temptation/tribulation). The Prophet (pbuh) even said that, “The best thing for two people who love one another is marriage.” (that was me paraphrasing, by the way) Now, I’m not saying that you’ll fall in love right away. Every relationship has its own time for that if it’s meant to be. What I AM saying though, is that if you think someone is good for you, and you’ve done your Isthikhaarah, take steps forward towards making it happen.

Sure, you may be engaged (in the halal way, of course!) for a while, so that you can prep yourself financially or so you can finish school, etc. but at least you will have protected yourself from the ridiculous amount of fitna there is in the world, you will have a confidant and someone you can rely on to be there for you Insha Allah. You will feel more secure too.

Either way, this is just me ranting now, but I truly believe that we should all be more active in approaching marriage in a more Islamically sound manner. Sure, times have changed and society approaches things differently now, but correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Allah say that He has perfected this religion for all of mankind (ie. the people at the time of the Prophet (pbuh), people now, and all those to come in the future until the Day of Judgment)? So, then, who are we to say that we know better than Allah? Right?

This is all just my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you think. And, I pray that Allah gives us all the strength, courage, patience, guidance, and all else we need in order for us to find ease in every step of marriage, and that you all are blessed with the best of spouses. Ameen.

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