advice

Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts!
Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts! 1920 1271 Nadir Keval

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Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, you’re doing well and are in a strong state of health and Imaan. I can understand how tough a situation like the one you’re in can be. When I was in a similar situation, my salvation and sense of personal value and growth came from read more

Question: Is it haram to read horoscopes for the personality descriptions?
Question: Is it haram to read horoscopes for the personality descriptions? 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

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Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

That’s an interesting question, and I know it’s one that many nowadays may come across in their daily lives. To be honest, when it comes to matters like these, where something has some components to it which are outright haram, I try my best to stick to a personal rule of just leaving the matter completely, so as to not make myself vulnerable to the whispers of Shaitaan any more than life already entails. When it came to this topic specifically, I did some research, and came upon a hadith that states, “Whoever learns anything of astrology has learned a branch of witchcraft (al-sihr)…” (Abu Dawood). This ties in with what I said about leaving something that has some degree of haram in it. Sihr, or witchcraft/black magic is haram in itself, and a means to greater misguidance. Many of the Ulamah states that Astrology is in fact a form of Shirk, as well.

So, overall, my recommendation would be to keep your distance from things like this, because sometimes we let small things slide, even with good or harmless intentions, but it is through those things that Shaitaan gets to us. If I were you, I wouldn’t let the personality traits and characteristics described in horoscopes play any role in helping me understand people, because every individual is unique. The best way to get to know a person is usually to just say hello and have a conversation, in my opinion.

Remember, I’m not a scholar or a Sheikh, or anything like that. I’m simply here as a person answering a question asked, to the best of my abilities. I would recommend speaking to a scholar in your local area for more information and clarification on the topic. I pray that Allah forgives and guides me for anything I have said here that may be wrong or misguided, and that He help you and I, as well as anyone else who reads this post, find the correct and best answer to this question so that we may be amongst the righteous. Ameen. Jazakallahu khair for your question! I hope it helped 🙂 Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval

For more information and details, check out: Rulings on Horoscopes

3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success
3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success 1920 1280 Nadir Keval

Many of us have ambitions and goals, but perhaps just as many of us get overwhelmed by the drive needed to achieve those goals. We fear the overwhelming struggle, the possibility of failure, and the unrelenting force of self-doubt that eats away at our potential. What I have learned over the years is the importance of us embracing that struggle, staring down that fear, and ignoring that voice in your head telling you that you can’t accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to.

Fear is inevitable. It’s a part of what helps us understand who we are, and it challenges us to overcome different things that come our way, helping us grow and become better as individuals in our characteristics, skills, and so much more. (You can read more about my thoughts on facing your fears here.) There’s one beautiful reminder about faith that makes facing your fears much easier: “Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.” (Quran 2:186) What that tells you is that regardless of what you face in life, God guarantees that you will never face anything you can’t bear. It means that He KNOWS you can handle everything you face. And because we also know that Allah only has us experience things that will help us become better versions of ourselves, we know that us overcoming our fears will result in us reaching new heights in accessing our true potential. How beautiful, encouraging, and reassuring is that?? As for the individual fears I mentioned above, let’s break them down one at a time.

1. The Struggle

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nothing in life worth having comes easy, and nothing that comes easy is worth having.” A pretty great reminder, if you ask me. Sure, you may come around the occasional unique case where something falls into place without much work, but to depend on that occurrence as our path to success in our endeavors is like living a half-assed life, expecting someone to come around one day with a briefcase of millions of dollars for you. Umm…sorry for breaking your bubble if that’s what you’re hoping for, but my friend, it’s probably not going to happen. I would recommend that you work hard towards your goals, and if you just so happen to stumble upon that kind of fortunate circumstance, simply consider it a bonus.

Hard work is it’s own reward. It’s true. When you have a goal or dream you’re striving towards accomplishing, every little success feels like a huge motivation and push forward. Successful people wake up every morning with the ambition to take steps forward in their goals, and to get a few extra little successes under their belts, and that acts as part of their fuel for the next day. I personally get excited every time I get the code I’ve been struggling with when designing a client’s website, or coming upon an epiphany for a logo or branding scheme for a client. Or, when I would see a coaching client overcome something they were afraid to face. Or, when I would come up with an idea for a quote, poem, or article to write. These may seem like really small experiences, perhaps even unimportant in the larger scheme of things, but every little success is worth appreciation and embrace, because these little things are exactly what remind us that we’re on the right path to fulfilling our goals. Keep going towards your goals, and work relentlessly until you accomplish your goal, or life leads you and your heart in a different direction that’s better for you.

2. The Truth About Failure

Failure can be one of two things: the fuel to your success or the fuel to your destruction. Which of the two it’ll be is up to you.

Personally, I’ve failed so many times during my journey to success, and actually fail in small ways almost on a daily basis. But, I recognize that those failures have come in my life path for the sake of helping me grow and build on my skills and talents. I know that God has put me on this world to help people, and that can be difficult at times when it comes to trying to support your family and future. I face criticism and ridicule often as I try things and stumble, and can sometimes have people telling me that I will never succeed, or that I should just give up on trying. Still, I push forward, have faith and patience, and work my butt off every single day, while trying to learn and grow from my experiences. If I let the reactions of others towards my journey and failures eat away at my mind, or affect me in any way, I would definitely see myself fall into self-destruction. The reason I say self-destruction is because it’s truly self-imposed. We choose what we let in and what we let out of our minds. We have to remember that no one knows our journey better than God and our own selves. As long as we keep God in mind with every step, give our hearts to Him, and work relentlessly towards what we want in life (within moral bounds, of course), we can remain steadfast in our steps forward towards succeeding in our goals.

Another beautiful thing about failure is that it keeps us balanced and humble. It reminds us that we’re human, and that reminder is hugely important when we have big expectations. It’s through this falling and failing that we learn how to get back up and keep going. It’s through these setbacks that we are brought towards the right timing for our success, and are reminded that we should stay humble and levelheaded with our potential and skills.

There is enough in this life that pushes its way into our life and minds to the point of causing us sadness and fills us with a test of hope and faith. Don’t pass the test of failure in that process. Failure is truly a blessing and an opportunity for us to become better versions of ourselves, and what better thing could we ask for than that as we strive every day towards personal development and growth?

3. Destroying Self-Doubt

Ah, the internal evil that resides in even the best of us: self-doubt. No matter who you are, you’ve surely experienced this to some degree. But, the beauty of life is that we are never faced with anything that we can’t bear, and we are often capable of so much more than we think we are. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” What that reminder told me was not only that we have to always try something before we know we can do it, but also that we can only know how much we are capable of through us pushing the envelope with our comfort zones.

Like I mentioned above, letting the words of others get to us is something that can happen only if we allow it to. What’s even more important to keep in mind though is that the same goes for our own negative, pessimistic, or skeptic thoughts. We are hardwired to think out all of the options, and life’s rollercoaster-type nature causes us to fear the worst and doubt our own capabilities. Often, we put up a front that we have what it takes to take on the things that scare us, but I think that it’s much easier to become courageous than to fake fearlessness. When you face every day, remind yourself that you are capable of so much more than you can imagine, and that there is nothing that can come your way in life that you aren’t able to handle. You are stronger, wiser, and more capable than you think. People will try to convince you otherwise, and life will challenge you often to make you think otherwise (if you let it), but I assure you that your success and happiness is simply past those things you doubt being capable of doing or achieving.

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, there are two things I believe combine to create the formula for guaranteed success = unrelenting and ridiculous work ethic + an ever-growing knowledge and application of your beliefs and values. Figure out what you want to dedicate your time and efforts to, and what your beliefs and values are, and then face life head on. With these two things, you will find everything you’re looking for, and then some. Of course, there are so many more details to these two components for each individual person, and I’d be more than happy to coach or mentor any of you in that endeavor. You can send me an email at mail@nadirkeval.com to set up a free consultation, but till then, I hope this article will be a great starting point!

Now, I want to hear from you! Join the conversation! Leave a comment below telling me about some fears you’ve conquered, or share some insight into some other ways you have taken on these or other hurdles on your personal journey to success 🙂

Quote: Simply Smile.

Quote: Simply Smile. 150 150 Nadir Keval

Do Unto Others…
Do Unto Others… 2000 1000 Nadir Keval

Most of us have heard it before, be it through our religious teachings or through every day interactions with others:

“Do unto others as you would want done unto you.”

At first glance, this seems like a great mindset, and definitely something to make a part of our lives. But, what often happens is that we forget to consider the other person carefully. It’s about more than just what they’re going through, but it’s also about the person’s character, likes, and dislikes. For example, I am a person who benefits more from “positive reinforcement”, while the person I may be trying to motivate or encourage could be more inclined towards “negative reinforcement”. If the person gets a grade of 97% on an exam, he may need to hear, “Great job, but where’s the other 3%??” while I am the type to need to hear, “Great job! 97% is an awesome grade!”

Sounds like a pretty similar approach, but the difference comes through understanding what works for the person you’re talking to. When we try to help others, it’s important that we take out the time to make sure we understand the person and their specific needs, not only in what needs to be said or done, but in how action is taken as well.

In most cases where this quote comes into play, it’s a quick back and forth with a person, and we jump to give advice instead of taking a moment to withhold our tongues and to think of what we’re saying and whom we’re saying it to. In times like those, it’s important to always keep in mind that we are all different and all have our own daily struggles, so we must always tread lightly. You never know what a person might be going through.

Every situation is different, but there are some basic steps to start with when trying to help someone out or when giving advice. Check out these steps and use them the next time you’re in a position to help and treat people well:

1. Build a comfort zone

When you know a person, it’s easier to build a comfort zone using your past experiences with them, your relationship overall, and what you know makes them happy. For example, I have a friend who loves anime, so when advising him, I would ask him about a show he may have mentioned in the past and spoken passionately about. After creating a comfort zone, take the next step.

2. Ask the right questions

Once the comfort zone is there, it’s time to ask questions that help slowly bring out the concerns the person is having. Start with open-ended questions, and then work your way to the details. You’ll see that if the person is willing or wanting to talk, the details will slowly work their way into the discussion.

3. Maintenance and Reminders

The key when talking to someone and advising them is to maintain the comfort zone by letting them complete all of their thoughts and say whatever is on their minds, without interruption. In addition to that, reminders of being there for them and caring about them helps in helping them feel that they aren’t alone in their struggle and that they can pull through.

Keep in mind that these are simply guidelines. Ultimately, each case is different, as I mentioned earlier, but it’s always really important to keep the other person’s personality and needs in mind when giving advice. In fact, it’s important to remember to remember those things when interacting with anyone for any reason. Speak to others with kindness, listen, be patient, and speak the truth with wisdom and sincerity.

Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules?
Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules? 4235 2817 Nadir Keval

I was asked a question today, and I felt it to be a great topic to share with all of you. Be sure to leave your comments below, and if you know anyone else you think may benefit from this, please share it with them and your friends on places like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media network you may be on. Thank you and jazakallahu khairun.

Question:

Salam Nadir, how are you? I’m sorry I ask soo many questions but this has been bugging me. In Islam, we constantly are told what not to do. And of course it’ll make us look into it and makes us want to do it. What are we allowed to do? Its a super silly question but being a teenage girl, I feel as though I don’t have much choice. Then culture comes in and even going out for a walk seems like a complete sin (to my parents at least). What do you think I could do?? Jzk 🙂

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

I’m doing well, alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, things are going well on your end, as well. Let me start by saying that there is never a reason to apologize for asking me questions. I’m here to help the best I can, insha Allah, and I will always try my best to do so.

Islam doesn’t necessarily constantly tell us what not to do. It instead tells us the virtues of doing certain things and the consequences of doing other things. Islam has been prescribed to us as a way of life, and its guidelines have been laid out through the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). That is an understandable and highly beneficial gift, considering most live their lives trying to figure out their path in life, while we as Muslims have been blessed with a clear and detailed life manual.

When it comes to what we are and aren’t allowed to do, my way of understanding it is using this:

“When it comes to matters of our Deen and its practice, everything is haram except for what the Prophet (SAW) and his companions did and taught us based on the Quran and Sunnah. When it comes to matters of our duniya and our interaction with it, everything is halal except for what has been forbidden to us in the Quran and Sunnah.”

Your question of, “What are we allowed to do?” is one that comes with a very lengthy and tedious response if not put into context. So, the first thing to figure out is what you’re asking specifically…meaning, what are we allowed to do concerning what exactly? This isn’t a super silly question; it’s not even a silly question. It’s simply a question, and a valid one at that. Islam being a religion of justice, on the condition that you practice it to the best of your abilities, will never place you in a position of feeling unjustly treated. The reason I included the condition of practicing it to the best of your abilities is because if taken out of context, or if not looked at with a sincere desire to please Allah, to gain His Mercy, and to reserve a place in Jannah, we can easily misconstrue the Quranic verses and the Prophetic traditions (of the Hadith) into something that could cause us far more harm than benefit.

Taking out the time and effort to better understand why you are facing these struggles that have been placed in front of you in the falsely claimed name of Islam is a reflection of your desire to seek out the truth, and that is an admirable trait in anyone, especially one in this day and age. Depending on where you live, there are definitely some places of the world where certain rules are placed on individuals or groups in the name of religion, when in fact they hold no place in religious fact, but instead are based on cultural and societal norms. Sometimes, it may not be the places we live, but rather, those who are in our lives that compel us to stick to certain rules that hold no place in religion. That said, depending on who those people are, we should be wise in how we approach them in regards to these matters. When it comes to most people in society, unless you are risking your own safety, don’t bother with the opinions of others. Focus instead on developing your own identity, while being conscious of the judgment of Allah, following the example of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions, and being kind to and obeying your parents.

In the case of parents, let’s be honest, there are hardly any people in the world that haven’t had some disagreements with their parents. In fact, because every parent was once a child, your parents too probably had some disagreements or conflicts with their own parents. Your parents probably went through similar things as you are now, and so they’re trying to protect you from making the same mistakes. It’s the circle of life, and though they may know that you have to go through your own struggles to become the best version of yourself, it’s part of how Allah has created them, for them to care immensely for you. This isn’t always the case, as some parents just don’t care about their children, so if your parents are pestering you about something, be grateful that they’re there with you, and recognize that their pestering is a reflection of their love. That said, it’s important that we remember the verses of the Quran:

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. – Quran (31:14-15)

Notice how Allah tells us to be kind and obedient towards our parents, but reminds us that our return is to Him? Always be good to and patient with your parents, because the reward for it is limitless in the Hereafter, and because we cannot repay how much our mothers alone went through to give birth to us. A companion came to the Prophet (SAW) once and asked him, “Oh Prophet of Allah, I have just finished performing the pilgrimage while carrying my mother on my shoulders. Have I repaid my debt to her?” The Prophet (SAW) replied, “You have not even repaid her for one labor pain.” Subhanallah!

Try to do the most you can of what you aspire towards, but if your parents ask you not to for the sake of their concern for your safety, or for any other valid reason (as long as they’re not holding you back from fulfilling a command of Allah like praying your salah, wearing hijab, or things like that), listen to them. Allah will reward you for it, insha Allah, and who knows, it may be that Allah is protecting you from something harmful through having them hold you back from doing something. Like it says in the Quran:

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

Talk to your parents, ask them why they would advise you stay away from what they’re prohibiting, but ask with wisdom. Ask kindly, and explain that you’d like to know so you can understand and grow from the matter. If that doesn’t work out well, then say Alhamdulillah, accept what they’ve asked of you, and go on with your day. Make dua asking Allah for guidance, and talk to Him. He is our greatest counselor, and the greatest weapon of a believer is dua.

I hope this answers your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss this further, or have any more questions, you can email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can set up an appointment to talk, insha Allah. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do?
Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do? 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

I was anonymously asked a question by a brave sister on Tumblr about a matter that many in the Muslim community, young and old face. It includes matters that are often considered taboo, and aren’t addressed for that same reason, or because people are too shy to approach Muslim scholars and counselors about the matter. So, I felt it would be wise to share my response to the sister with all of you. Be sure to share this article with your friends and family, as it is something many may not admit to struggle with, but would eagerly read in hopes of finding at least the first step to overcoming their internal struggle.

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Wa alaikum assalaam sister,

The situation you’re in is definitely a difficult one, but it is also very common. I talk to individuals about things like this more often than most would be willing to accept. So, don’t feel like this is an impossible thing to work on. It’s human nature, and will take your dedication and hard work to move forward from it, insha Allah. Trust me, you can get through this and become the person you’re aspiring to be, be-idhnillah.

No matter what the thing we’re struggling with is, the first step is almost always to first work on increasing the faith-related matters in our lives. Here are a few things you can do to get started:

  • Salah: Work on increasing your Salah, praying on time, and focusing while in Salah.
  • Dua: Make more dua, sincere dua. Learn about the etiquette of dua, and focus on composing your dua correctly.
  • Company: Surround yourself with people who inspire you to increase your Imaan. That could include going to sister’s halaqas, spending more time at the masjid, etc. The Prophet (SAW) said that we are a reflection of the company we keep. Remember that when you feel uncomfortable or out of place in the company of people you don’t usually hang around.
  • Quran: Read the Quran more often, 10 verses at a time. Study those 10 verses, memorize them, understand them, apply them to your life, and then move to the next 10 verses.

Take these things on one at a time, and slowly move towards betterment. It’s better to take small steps forward and to keep moving, than to take leaps and bounds only to fall back three times as far as you leapt forward.

I’ll try to address the specific things you mentioned in your message, to the best of my abilities. When approaching

  • Music: This is something I struggled with a lot growing up, so I can understand how difficult it can be. Some believe that it’s not haram, others believe it is. I choose to play it safe, considering this is my Hereafter I’m putting on the line, and just avoid music. That said, it’s a process to overcome. To start, when you want to listen to music, begin with listening to Muslim HipHop and things like that. There are other genres, but yeah. Then, slowly move towards listening to nasheeds with music in the background. Then, slowly to nasheeds without music, and finally, towards listening to Quran and seminars. It will take time, and everyone has their own pace, but you’ll get there, insha Allah.
  • Not covering up: In our Deen, both men and women have been prescribed guidelines as to what is Islamically sound and what isn’t when it comes to the matters of maintaining our modesty and appearance. It’s not my place to speak on hijab, so I won’t. But, I can speak on the benefits that covering up have had on my life. There is something about covering up that results in a greater level of confidence, power, and conviction in all that I do. On top of this, I have this sense of privacy, because of which I find it difficult to feel any sense of comfort if something as small as a bit of my back showing when I go into sujood (prostration) during Salah. That has come through an appreciation and love for humility and modesty. I know those two words (humility and modesty) get thrown around alot, making them lose the weight they carry, but honestly, I believe that what differentiates many of us is how sincere we are in the genuine aspects of human nature that make us different from those who have forgotten those sincere aspects, regardless of who they are or what they stand for. Finally, we strive to live our lives in a way that is an emulation of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions (RA). Ask yourself what they would’ve done, and try to emulate that. Oh, and one more thing that always inspired me to cover up is that Musa (AS) had a physique and overall appearance that was amongst the best, but he would always remain covered out of shyness. A man like him, so strong, wise, and genuine in his leadership qualities, was shy. That shows me that shyness is a good quality to have, and one that I hope to possess myself, insha Allah.
  • Pornography: The world we live in today makes access to pornography as easy as, well, using google. That’s a scary thought, but it’s something that simply needs to be battled within our hearts and souls, through filling our time with other matters that are more beneficial to us. What I have recommended to others in the past (that has worked for them, alhamdulillah), is to avoid using computers for any more reason than is necessary for work or school. Turn your phone or tablets, or any of that stuff off once you come home from school/work. Head to bed early. Wake up early. Take up working out, martial arts classes, a women’s only gym class or sessions, etc. Start going to those halaqas at sister’s groups or at the masjid. Find a new hobby (one that doesn’t involve too much interaction with men). Set goals and work towards them every day, and track your progress. Buy/Make a calendar, and for every day you indulge in pornography or masturbate or anything like that, put a black or red mark on the calendar date you do any of those things on. Don’t put any other labels on it, to maintain your privacy. Just a simple calendar with marks on it. If anyone asks, say that you’re just working on a habit you’re trying to form (which is to live without pornography – but don’t tell them this detail). Try to reduce the markings as much as possible until you’re left with a clean calendar for at least 3 weeks straight (studies have shown that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). Only look at the calendar if you indulge, otherwise, leave it aside in a private place. This builds on “out of sight, out of mind”. Reminding yourself of it often will make it difficult to fully move forward. Take your time with this, don’t give up no matter how difficult it becomes, hold yourself accountable for your actions, but don’t let that depress you. Instead, let it motivate you to fight to remove this addiction from your heart and life.
  • Partying with boys: Alhamdulillah, this is one of those things that’s easier to work on. From my own experiences, I spent most of my life surrounded by women. Most of my relatives are women, and my home includes my dad and I along with my grandmother, mother, and three sisters. So, I found more comfort and belonging amongst women. That meant that growing up, a lot of my friends would be women, I would rarely interact with guys to the extent of having them be my close friends, etc. Then, as I began learning more about Islam, and began applying what I learned to my life, I reduced my interaction with women significantly, striving to maintain it within the bounds of the teachings of Islam, alhamdulillah. The reason I bring up my own story is because the advice I gave you about making the Deen a bigger part of your life through Salah, Dua, reading Quran, and surrounding yourself around fellow sisters that inspire you towards becoming a better Muslim, is a reflection of the same things I did to overcome this matter. It took it’s time, but alhamdulillah, it worked. Fill your time with other things that are beneficial for you in this life and the Next, limit your interaction with guys (that aren’t your mahram) to only what is necessary to conduct business (i.e. school projects, work, etc.), and whenever you’re invited or have the urge to go out and party, pray 2 rakah of voluntary salah, or make dua, and ask yourself, “Is this something Allah would be pleased with? If I die, would I be able to face Allah about this?” If you’re answer is yes, then move forward. If it isn’t, then leave the matter for the sake of Allah, and trust Him to reward you and to replace what you left with something that’s better for you in this life and the Next. We live in a time where peer pressure is immensely strong in matters like these, where people take the matter of interaction with opposite gender too lightly. It’s a matter that should be taken more seriously, and should be recognized as a source of temptation towards other things, like the things you mentioned you struggle with. Run everything you do through the filter of Islam, and if you find that there’s even the slightest doubt of what you’re considering to be something that Allah and His Messenger (SAW) would be pleased with, leave it. It’ll be hard at first, but it will pay off.

Everything I’ve mentioned in response to your question comes with the understanding that you will have to work hard to overcome these struggles, and that the journey will not be easy. But, as they say, “Nothing worth having comes easy,” you know that your reward in this life and the Next will be worth the efforts. I pray that Allah grants you ease and success as you take on this inner battle, and that He rewards you immensely throughout this life and the Hereafter, so that your Imaan and love for Allah will continue to increase exponentially throughout your life, insha Allah. Ameen. If you have any more questions, you’re more than welcome to email me to book an appointment to discuss things further, insha Allah, either over video counseling or chat counseling. My email address is mail@nadirkeval.com. Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

The Importance Of Taking Breaks
The Importance Of Taking Breaks 2290 1526 Nadir Keval

Over the last little while, some of you may have noticed that I stopped writing articles, poetry, and quotes, to the extent that I even placed a hold on my site. The reason for this was because I was in a place in my life where I needed to take some time out to myself and really reflect on my personal goals. It was a difficult decision to make, but I felt it was a necessary step in order for me to be the best I could be for myself as a human being on his own personal journey, and as a friend, mentor, or brother to those of you out there that I strive to inspire and motivate in every way I possibly can. I have to say, there are no words to express my gratitude for all of you, your patience, and your appreciation of my efforts.

I know that during this hiatus, I’ve lost some readers and followers here and there, but it was something I believed I needed to. I do hope that those readers and followers return after seeing that I’ve re-launched my blog, but if they choose not to, I wish them all the best.

This break was an experience that truly took me to the next step of understanding myself, and I felt it would be something to share with all of you, so that perhaps, if any of you go through something similar, you would be able to think, “If a guy as crazy as Nadir could get through this, I can too!” See, I was at a point in my life where I felt overwhelmed by all of the things I had going on. It’s true that those things are there because I put them there, and that I often speak about how I pride myself in being involved in many things, while still maintaining sanity and efficiency. What I realized however, is that in choosing this kind of lifestyle, I would have to take a break every once in a while, because if I didn’t, I would burn out. Unfortunately, the way I learned that was by getting so close to burning out that I was left with a few scars. Fortunately though, scars are great reminders.

What held me back from taking a break all these years was that I feared losing my connection to all of you, or that I would lose whatever it was that fueled my ability to write. In a similar manner, I feared that taking a break from my companies and projects would make me lose the connection and attachment I have towards my passions and ambitions. Still, it came to a point that my body and mind began to weaken in their abilities to inspire me and help me keep going. It was definitely time for a break.

Short breaks

In the process of learning about the importance of taking breaks, I realized that it was about more than just taking long vacations or breaks every few months. As necessary as breaks like those may be, I found that what maintained my every day sanity was the small breaks I would take every day. What that meant was that I would put aside some time every day towards a personal goal, or towards simply resting and doing nothing. My attachment to ambition and drive made that difficult at first, but I forced myself beyond my comfort zone because I knew it was a necessity in order for me to see any chances at growth. Here are some tips, based on what I’ve learned:

  • Do something for yourself every day that’s unrelated to anything you do, or any specific deadline – even if it’s just for 15-30 minutes of your day
  • Try something new once a week, to challenge yourself and to keep your mind and body guessing
  • Interact and socialize with people at least once every 1-2 weeks, solely for the sake of socializing – personally, I meet up with a few friends for coffee every two weeks, and we talk about life and ideas, without much reference back to our work or school lives

Long breaks

There are the obvious kinds of long breaks, like a week long vacation to a new place or a place you find comfort, but there are times when that can become a bit hurtful to our wallets. During times like those, put away all of your work stuff, school stuff, or anything related to your everyday routine, and just wake up every morning with something new scheduled in. For example, if you live in a place known for its tourism, spend a week living like a tourist, checking out the attractions, gardens, trails, events, etc., and come home every night to cook yourself a meal (and I mean, really experiment with new recipes and cuisines) or go out for dinner to a place you never thought you’d try. That’s what I’ve got planned for my next vacation, and I have to admit, I’m excited!

Long breaks seem like a big risk, especially if you have a lot of things on your plate. As an entrepreneur, it took a lot to make me realize that it was important for me to step away from it all for a short while, but after recognized the importance of it, I took the leap. Looking back, I don’t regret a minute of my break, and yearn for the opportunity to enjoy it again in the future, God-willing!

Earning your break

One other thing I’d like to talk about is the importance of recognizing the value of yourself and the value of a break. For the longest time, my businesses weren’t bringing in much income, and I was really struggling financially. I had to work harder than I ever had in my life, while making much less than I ever had. Still, I stuck to it, but eventually, I was drained. I needed a break, but I felt like I hadn’t earned it yet because I wasn’t making the amount of money I wanted to. Sure, things were looking up, and the finances were building, but they were nowhere near enough for me to go off on an expensive vacation or anything like that without taking a major financial hit. Every day started to become a chore, and I was starting to hate my career, not because of what I did for a living, but because I didn’t have the energy anymore. I learned, after speaking to a few close friends, that I actually had earned my break because of the hard work and effort I had put in every day to get to where I am. I was reminded that success isn’t about how much you make, but it’s about how much you value your efforts at the end of every day. If you’re happy with yourself and your effort, then take a break. If not, and you still feel the need for a break, then make a plan for doing better, then take a break, but get cracking on implementing that plan as soon as you’re break is over.

Look at it this way: when working out, you take breaks between each set, be it 30 seconds or a minute or two. Then, you take a break of at least 24 hours between working each muscle group, in order to give that specific muscle group enough time to recover. The truth is, rest and recovery is just as important to growth and development as hard work and ambition is. It’s all about balance and moderation. Work hard, push beyond your comfort zone, and take care of yourself through rest and recovery, because it’s with these three ingredients, along with faith and reliance on God, that we’re able to see results and success. Like they say, every once in a while, you have to stop and smell the roses. If you don’t, you’ll go on through an entire lifetime without having ever really lived.

Wandering Heart
Wandering Heart 1600 1200 Nadir Keval

When reading the word “heart” in a title, it usually means that you’re going to be reading about something related to love and relationships. In this case, however, that is far from the case. In the last little while, I have struggled with my own happiness. I’ve been unsure of so much, and with having lived a lifetime feeling as though I am destined to fail due to the opinions of many around me and through my own “downfalls” in life, everything seemed to have piled up and beat me to the ground. Fortunately, I had my faith holding me above the water, as well as some family and friends that helped me stay afloat, but overall, in my relationship with myself, I have been insecure and severely lacking confidence.

It’s funny how ironic my situation had become, being a person who has lived most of his life helping people through comforting and advising, to be the same person who needs comfort, advice, and help. Ah, how things often work out. I have faced many difficult times, especially in the emotional and mental realm. Still, I personally look at it as a blessing, because it is only through having truly experienced the ups and downs of life that I’m able to help others in similar situations. Of course, there is plenty I have not or have yet to face, but I believe that for all of us, what we face is simply God’s gift to us. Not only does what we face build us in strength and character, but it acts as evidence to the fact that there is nothing God places in our path that we are incapable of overcoming.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” – Quran (2:286)

The struggles and successes are drawn out paths towards strength and success, a blessing from God. It’s just a matter of us believing in ourselves enough to pull through and push forward.

What I’ve faced throughout most of my life is being very different from the rest. How I’ve approached every aspect of my life has made me an outcast in most cases. From my childhood when I was more intrigued by contemplation and solitude than by sports and competition, to my youth when I wouldn’t indulge or even try things like drugs and alcohol as many of my former peers did, to my adulthood when I would approach a career and lifestyle in a way that was so far from the norm that only a small percentage of the world’s population pursues. These differences made it difficult for me to relate to anyone, thus reducing the number of people I was able to connect with and share a beneficial relationship with. Those who did stay around me often made me feel as though I was a failure or that I was living in a fantasy because of my approaches towards life. They used their pessimism and lack of patience and understanding to make me feel as though I was destined to be left behind while others my age became successful.

All of these had broken me time and time again, and this last time, I felt as though there were too many shattered pieces for me to stand a chance at rebuilding. I was so unsure of everything happening in my life that it was as though I had entered some form of paralysis. I didn’t know what to do, and if I gave my mind the opportunity to dig deeper into that hole of thought, I began to fall in, ultimately entering a freefall with no parachute to save me from a fatal impact. The fall was long, until I realized that since this is a matter of my mind, I was able to create a “parachute” and use it to land safely before beginning my ascension back up to stable ground.

This is when every thought in my mind was bridged together, and a solution was seen. I was missing the glue that connected it all together, and made me who I am. I realized that it is my mind that is perhaps my greatest asset – eternal gratitude and praise is due to Allah for it. I now understand and accept that the purpose of my being and my mind is not to be embraced or supported. I need to simply live, love, and dream. I have to do that with all that I am. God will handle the rest. He will bring those meant to be in my heart towards me, and will distance me from those who could harm me. All praise is due to Him.

Since recognizing this, I now find myself breaking out of the vicious cycle of unhappiness and negativity, and I can feel the weight of the world (that my mind had created or allowed to fester and grow) leaving me. I focus now solely on spreading happiness and seeking happiness through doing what pleases me, within the bounds of what pleases Allah, as He is the One from whom I have received the gift that is my life.

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