development

Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts!
Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts! 1920 1271 Nadir Keval

Screen Shot 2015-04-01 at 4.17.52 PM

Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, you’re doing well and are in a strong state of health and Imaan. I can understand how tough a situation like the one you’re in can be. When I was in a similar situation, my salvation and sense of personal value and growth came from read more

Poem: Clarity
Poem: Clarity 2500 1667 Nadir Keval

It has been written,
long before our time,
what we are destined to be…
who we are destined to be.

Then why is it that we fret
about the matters that are outside of our grasp,
when we know that to worry
is, in truth, simply a form of insulting
God.

It is in the nature of man to be indifferent to the matters that are of importance to him,
but to then question that which is clear and right in front of his eyes.
Ah, but wait, perhaps that is not in his nature,
but instead in the way that he has been raised
to believe that things must be a certain way…
a way that is visible to man,
but without consideration of God.
See, without faith, we become limited.
Everything has to be “realistic”
instead of being based on faith.
We place a ceiling on the potential
of our growth and in His abilities,
not realizing that it all comes from Him.

The sun rises.
The sun sets.
We live.
We die.
We become strong.
We become weak.
This is the true nature of man.
We are predictable,
but our fate is unpredictable
by us.
And we live
with one of two things in our horizon:
a fog
or a mirage.
We are all capable of change and betterment.
We are all designed for greatness in our own right.
But, that clarity and zeal
will only truly come with God
in our hearts,
in our words,
in our actions,
in our minds,
and in the very essence of what makes us.
Our every breath is a result of His Will and Mercy.
So, should we not live every moment in the pursuit of pleasing Him?

To find clarity in life,
we must take all that we do
and pass it through Him.
We must make our living and our dying,
our thriving and surviving,
our working and resting,
our thinking and acting,
all focused around doing right by Him.

The world will try to push us,
it will try to lead us to falter,
but in the end,
our return is to Him.
So, earning His Love and Mercy,
is much wiser than earning
that of anyone else.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Progression Through Addictions
Progression Through Addictions 1725 810 Nadir Keval

Yesterday, I hit a new high with my ambition. Funny enough, it actually came after one of my lowest times in my pursuit of happiness and success in my life. What happened was that I got this jolt of inspiration and began to work harder to make my goals a reality, despite the fact that I’ve been fasting and have been extremely drained of energy on most days.

See, this Ramadan has been one that has perhaps been one of the toughest, yet most beneficial and fruitful Ramadan’s I’ve ever experienced. Coming into this holy month, I was determined to reach my goals and to see a change. I was tired of giving in to my weakness, using those weakness as excuses, and ultimately letting them take over my life. I wasn’t being my best for the last few years, and it was really difficult to keep myself moving because it felt as though I was my own worst enemy, despite often being surrounded by negativity or misunderstanding.

For those who may not know what Ramadan is all about, to put it simply, Ramadan is almost like an annual detox and growth period for Muslims around the world. During this month, Muslims refrain from food and drink of any kind from sunrise to sunset, they work on removing negative components of their lives, discipline their desires, increase their acts of worship, build their relationship with Allah (God), and work on bettering themselves and spiritually recharging to take on the year to come. Ramadan is one of the holy months in the Islamic Calendar, and often lasts for 30 days. (This is a basic description, so if you’d like to know more, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below this article or to send me a message.)

This Ramadan, I’ve been trying to overcome an addiction I’ve struggled with for most of my life. It’s not an addiction like smoking or drinking, or anything like that, alhamdulillah, but it’s a major struggle I haven’t been able to overcome, and one that has negatively influenced a great deal of my life. I’ve begun to understand that all of us have our vices, our addictions, our obsessions, and those things can be bad for us if we fall too deep into them. For example, consider that even drinking too much water can lead to us hurting ourselves, even though water is a human necessity. I learned that everything comes with a need for balance, and a need for how to approach something wisely. To put that into context of the water example, technically, you could get water from drinking soda/pop, but that is far more harmful to your body than drinking pure water would be.

When it comes to overcoming addictions, I’ve been trying to remind myself that life is not about achieving perfection, but of continuously being in a state of progression. I’ve mentioned this in the past as well, but in a more religious context, where I said:

Islam isn't about being perfect

This has been a reminder that I’ve dedicated myself to trying to remember every single day, especially when I felt the inclination to give in to my struggles and weaknesses. This Ramadan so far has not resulted in my overcoming my addiction yet, but it has helped me in making leaps and bounds in making progress towards change. THAT is what I’ve been looking for. Not the expectation of achieving something, but instead to know that I am capable of overcoming it one day. What I’ve been struggling with is something that most people consider to be a normal part of life, but for me, it just has never sat well in my heart. I always felt like it wasn’t comfortable or normal for me, so I’ve always felt the need for change, but was just never able to move forward. I felt for many years that this was something I just needed to accept as being a part of myself I would never be able to let go of.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that just accepting it as my fate, in this case, was really my way of cushioning the fact that I was giving up. If anyone knows me, I can be a bit stubborn at times, especially when it comes to the idea of giving up on something. I rarely accept giving up, and so I knew that there was betterment out there for me. I knew it was possible for me to change. Perhaps it rang through my heart, without my knowing it, but looking back now, I realize that I always had this verse in my heart and mind:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” – Quran (2:286)

A reminder like that really being instilled in me helped in letting me know that there is always hope towards change and betterment, no matter how difficult your situation may be. I also remembered, the verses from Surah At-Talaq, which reminded me of the importance of what I needed to build on in order to earn the Mercy and Help of Allah:

“That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out; And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

That last bit stood out to me, especially. The last sentence was the one that hit me hardest. The rest of the verses already made sense to me, but the last sentence made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I had to go through this struggle because it was what I needed. This addiction was something that kept me grounded from growing too quickly for my own good. Does that mean I’m not meant to grow and reach those goals? Not necessarily. Instead, it means that Allah has His own plans, and that includes both what happens for and to me, AND when those things happen.

Addiction is something I’ve learned may have its benefits. How many successful and influential people have you met or heard of who said that despite knowing what they needed to do, they weren’t able to do it until they hit rock bottom. Perhaps, that’s what addiction, along with other struggles like it, lead to. Perhaps, that is why these things exist. I’m not necessarily suggesting one indulges in any addiction or struggle, but instead, to take your time in working through things and growing at a pace that doesn’t hurt you. Know that you will go through withdrawal, but push through it. Work outside of your comfort zone, but don’t let it harm you. Remember these three components of progression through addictions:

  1. Have faith
  2. Practice patience
  3. Be relentless

This is your journey, and to stumble, to get stuck, and to feel lost at times, are all a part of being on a journey. It’s never all sunshine and lollipops. Embrace that truth in your heart and mind, and be kind to yourself. You will overcome, you will grow, and you will achieve greater levels of greatness with every day, God-willing. You can do this, I’m sure. How? For the reasons I mentioned above, and through the fact that I’VE been able to, and I’m certain you can too!

When My Patience Wears Thin
When My Patience Wears Thin 1701 1129 Nadir Keval

We all go through times when our patience is tested. We’re pushed to the edge, either by others or through our own overthinking, and it’s at that point that we find our patience wears thin. When this happens to me, I become anxious, annoyed, and irritable. I begin to fall into a daze, where I find myself not caring about anything or anyone, and focusing solely on myself. Focusing on oneself isn’t necessarily a bad thing, but it can be destructive if it isn’t balanced with giving back in some way or another. So, when I find myself in predicaments like these, I first turn to Allah. I pray two rakah (segments) of prayer, and supplicate while in prostration, asking Him to give me peace, calm, and serenity. It’s far too easy to fall prey to the stresses and hopes of this world, which can be scary and fatal, especially when it leads to us distancing ourselves from the hopes and aspirations of the Hereafter. Just the other, I was speaking to a friend about this. We discussed how in the past, during the time of the Prophet (SAW), he and his companions would have such a strong focus on their Hereafter, that this life was like a simple pit stop towards their ultimate goal of Paradise.

“Live in this world as a traveler or a stranger.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW) [Bukhari and Tirmidhi]

This life we’re leading is something we should really consider as being a mere tool with which we can prepare ourselves for the Hereafter. That relates to so many matters of life, but to focus on the topic at hand, I’ll speak on how this relates to patience. We all live these rushed lives, trying to constantly get something done to fulfill our need for instant gratification. We become obsessed with how others are leading their lives, and feel the need to follow their examples without a moment’s consideration as to whether or not what they’re doing is right or wrong, beneficial or harmful. We live based on our desires and feel that we must embrace those desires in order to live well, forgetting that what makes us different from other creatures in this world is that we have been given the intellect to make sound judgments and moral decisions. These blessings make it possible for us to live within guidelines and boundaries we have set up based on morals and beliefs. What kind of a life are we leading if we focus on what is temporary instead of what is eternal and everlasting? That’s like accepting pennies when you could earn millions by putting in the same effort, but just readjusting your priorities. I know it’s much easier said than done, because we have been created to have emotions, desires, and wants, but everything must be maintained within reason and moderation. I believe in letting our imaginations soar, and to never accept anything less than the best, but what is beautiful about that is that a good portion of that is reliant upon Allah’s Wisdom and Decree. When we want something or strive towards achieving something, it’s important to remember that the results of our efforts are in the Hands of God, and that everything that happens to us is what is best for us, even if we don’t see it then. Reevaluate and readjust your priorities. Be content with what life throws your way, but never be satisfied with it, because there is always hope for more. There are no limits to how far we can go when we put our hearts and faith, and ambition and effort towards what we want. But, there are also times when what we want isn’t really what’s best for us, and so, we don’t get what we want, or are left to learn the hard way. Either way, what comes is for our benefit, and we just need to keep moving forward. I’ve done it, and so I’m sure any of you can. Sure, life has beaten me to the ground time and time again in the past, but I know that I will never face anything I can’t handle, and so, I get back up, regardless of how hard it is or how long it takes, and keep moving forward.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity. It will have [the consequence of] what [good] it has gained, and it will bear [the consequence of] what [evil] it has earned.” – Quran (2:286)

Here are some tips based on what I’ve learned to do when my patience has been tested:

  • Take a break – This can be something as simple as putting down your phone, headphones, and everything else you may be carrying and just going for a walk – you, yourself, and God. Or, it can be something like taking a day or two off. Don’t worry, you’re not wasting time, or losing money (refer to the stupid saying, “Time is money.”). You’re recuperating. You’re recharging yourself so that you can be better, stronger, and more driven. You weren’t created to constantly be working. You were created to live a balanced life, so find balance, damnit!
  • Increase worship – Your connection with God is something that will change your complete outlook towards life. When a distance has grown between us and God, we begin to question everything with ignorance, and lose faith and hope that everything will be okay. Your relationship with God is your greatest weapon against insanity, so embrace it, develop it, nourish it, and thank God for being your greatest friend and supporter. Whenever you can, take a second and supplicate or pray, just to get that reconnect with God. Think about it: since having cell phones and social media, how many times do we talk to our friends in a day? God has been there all this time, and staying in touch with him doesn’t cost you a three-year contract and a monthly bill. In fact, HE rewards you when you keep up with Him. How awesome is that?!
  • Go fishing – Okay, so maybe you don’t HAVE to choose fishing as your activity, but do something that’s relaxing and doesn’t require much effort, but also gives you a chance to be productive and grow. I personally like fishing because it forces me to be patient. You spend a lot of time trying to catch something, and it really makes you have to be quiet and patient as you wait for the sudden and often subtle movements of the line to know if you’re getting a bite. Sometimes, that leads to catching something, and sometimes it doesn’t. When you do catch something, it’s a great sense of accomplishment, not because of a physical feat, but because you’ve overcome impatience and achieved something that has been done for centuries throughout history. When you don’t catch something, it’s an opportunity for building humility, because you’re reminded that not everything goes your way all the time, and that it was written for you today.
  • Take care of YOU – This can involve so many things from meditation, exercising, eating well, hanging out with close friends, etc. The main point is to remember that you have to take care of yourself in order for you to make the most of life and be as successful as possible. Life’s not running away from you. What’s written for you will be yours, and what isn’t, wont. BUT, what you have to do is make the most of every moment, which includes you working hard at some times and taking breaks at others, eating clean and healthy most of the time and indulging in your favourite treat sometimes, etc. And all of this is stuff you should do without feeling guilty. Don’t call it a cheat meal, call it a treat meal. Don’t call it a lazy Sunday, call it a recharge Sunday. Get what I’m saying?

When things get overwhelming and our patience with ourselves or with others begins to wear thin, I find that it’s often a signal our body is sending us to take a moment to ourselves and come back to our centre point. Don’t let patience become your enemy, but instead, consider it that friend that calls you out when you’re in need of some tough love. Take some time out to take care of you, and remember that it’s okay to put things off for a day (don’t make this a habit though – that’s how procrastination is born), as long as you maintain balance and come back with stronger ambition, passion, and drive. Now, go out there and patiently persevere and make your dreams a reality!

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