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Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules?
Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules? 4235 2817 Nadir Keval

I was asked a question today, and I felt it to be a great topic to share with all of you. Be sure to leave your comments below, and if you know anyone else you think may benefit from this, please share it with them and your friends on places like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media network you may be on. Thank you and jazakallahu khairun.

Question:

Salam Nadir, how are you? I’m sorry I ask soo many questions but this has been bugging me. In Islam, we constantly are told what not to do. And of course it’ll make us look into it and makes us want to do it. What are we allowed to do? Its a super silly question but being a teenage girl, I feel as though I don’t have much choice. Then culture comes in and even going out for a walk seems like a complete sin (to my parents at least). What do you think I could do?? Jzk 🙂

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

I’m doing well, alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, things are going well on your end, as well. Let me start by saying that there is never a reason to apologize for asking me questions. I’m here to help the best I can, insha Allah, and I will always try my best to do so.

Islam doesn’t necessarily constantly tell us what not to do. It instead tells us the virtues of doing certain things and the consequences of doing other things. Islam has been prescribed to us as a way of life, and its guidelines have been laid out through the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). That is an understandable and highly beneficial gift, considering most live their lives trying to figure out their path in life, while we as Muslims have been blessed with a clear and detailed life manual.

When it comes to what we are and aren’t allowed to do, my way of understanding it is using this:

“When it comes to matters of our Deen and its practice, everything is haram except for what the Prophet (SAW) and his companions did and taught us based on the Quran and Sunnah. When it comes to matters of our duniya and our interaction with it, everything is halal except for what has been forbidden to us in the Quran and Sunnah.”

Your question of, “What are we allowed to do?” is one that comes with a very lengthy and tedious response if not put into context. So, the first thing to figure out is what you’re asking specifically…meaning, what are we allowed to do concerning what exactly? This isn’t a super silly question; it’s not even a silly question. It’s simply a question, and a valid one at that. Islam being a religion of justice, on the condition that you practice it to the best of your abilities, will never place you in a position of feeling unjustly treated. The reason I included the condition of practicing it to the best of your abilities is because if taken out of context, or if not looked at with a sincere desire to please Allah, to gain His Mercy, and to reserve a place in Jannah, we can easily misconstrue the Quranic verses and the Prophetic traditions (of the Hadith) into something that could cause us far more harm than benefit.

Taking out the time and effort to better understand why you are facing these struggles that have been placed in front of you in the falsely claimed name of Islam is a reflection of your desire to seek out the truth, and that is an admirable trait in anyone, especially one in this day and age. Depending on where you live, there are definitely some places of the world where certain rules are placed on individuals or groups in the name of religion, when in fact they hold no place in religious fact, but instead are based on cultural and societal norms. Sometimes, it may not be the places we live, but rather, those who are in our lives that compel us to stick to certain rules that hold no place in religion. That said, depending on who those people are, we should be wise in how we approach them in regards to these matters. When it comes to most people in society, unless you are risking your own safety, don’t bother with the opinions of others. Focus instead on developing your own identity, while being conscious of the judgment of Allah, following the example of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions, and being kind to and obeying your parents.

In the case of parents, let’s be honest, there are hardly any people in the world that haven’t had some disagreements with their parents. In fact, because every parent was once a child, your parents too probably had some disagreements or conflicts with their own parents. Your parents probably went through similar things as you are now, and so they’re trying to protect you from making the same mistakes. It’s the circle of life, and though they may know that you have to go through your own struggles to become the best version of yourself, it’s part of how Allah has created them, for them to care immensely for you. This isn’t always the case, as some parents just don’t care about their children, so if your parents are pestering you about something, be grateful that they’re there with you, and recognize that their pestering is a reflection of their love. That said, it’s important that we remember the verses of the Quran:

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. – Quran (31:14-15)

Notice how Allah tells us to be kind and obedient towards our parents, but reminds us that our return is to Him? Always be good to and patient with your parents, because the reward for it is limitless in the Hereafter, and because we cannot repay how much our mothers alone went through to give birth to us. A companion came to the Prophet (SAW) once and asked him, “Oh Prophet of Allah, I have just finished performing the pilgrimage while carrying my mother on my shoulders. Have I repaid my debt to her?” The Prophet (SAW) replied, “You have not even repaid her for one labor pain.” Subhanallah!

Try to do the most you can of what you aspire towards, but if your parents ask you not to for the sake of their concern for your safety, or for any other valid reason (as long as they’re not holding you back from fulfilling a command of Allah like praying your salah, wearing hijab, or things like that), listen to them. Allah will reward you for it, insha Allah, and who knows, it may be that Allah is protecting you from something harmful through having them hold you back from doing something. Like it says in the Quran:

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

Talk to your parents, ask them why they would advise you stay away from what they’re prohibiting, but ask with wisdom. Ask kindly, and explain that you’d like to know so you can understand and grow from the matter. If that doesn’t work out well, then say Alhamdulillah, accept what they’ve asked of you, and go on with your day. Make dua asking Allah for guidance, and talk to Him. He is our greatest counselor, and the greatest weapon of a believer is dua.

I hope this answers your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss this further, or have any more questions, you can email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can set up an appointment to talk, insha Allah. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

The Importance Of Taking Breaks
The Importance Of Taking Breaks 2290 1526 Nadir Keval

Over the last little while, some of you may have noticed that I stopped writing articles, poetry, and quotes, to the extent that I even placed a hold on my site. The reason for this was because I was in a place in my life where I needed to take some time out to myself and really reflect on my personal goals. It was a difficult decision to make, but I felt it was a necessary step in order for me to be the best I could be for myself as a human being on his own personal journey, and as a friend, mentor, or brother to those of you out there that I strive to inspire and motivate in every way I possibly can. I have to say, there are no words to express my gratitude for all of you, your patience, and your appreciation of my efforts.

I know that during this hiatus, I’ve lost some readers and followers here and there, but it was something I believed I needed to. I do hope that those readers and followers return after seeing that I’ve re-launched my blog, but if they choose not to, I wish them all the best.

This break was an experience that truly took me to the next step of understanding myself, and I felt it would be something to share with all of you, so that perhaps, if any of you go through something similar, you would be able to think, “If a guy as crazy as Nadir could get through this, I can too!” See, I was at a point in my life where I felt overwhelmed by all of the things I had going on. It’s true that those things are there because I put them there, and that I often speak about how I pride myself in being involved in many things, while still maintaining sanity and efficiency. What I realized however, is that in choosing this kind of lifestyle, I would have to take a break every once in a while, because if I didn’t, I would burn out. Unfortunately, the way I learned that was by getting so close to burning out that I was left with a few scars. Fortunately though, scars are great reminders.

What held me back from taking a break all these years was that I feared losing my connection to all of you, or that I would lose whatever it was that fueled my ability to write. In a similar manner, I feared that taking a break from my companies and projects would make me lose the connection and attachment I have towards my passions and ambitions. Still, it came to a point that my body and mind began to weaken in their abilities to inspire me and help me keep going. It was definitely time for a break.

Short breaks

In the process of learning about the importance of taking breaks, I realized that it was about more than just taking long vacations or breaks every few months. As necessary as breaks like those may be, I found that what maintained my every day sanity was the small breaks I would take every day. What that meant was that I would put aside some time every day towards a personal goal, or towards simply resting and doing nothing. My attachment to ambition and drive made that difficult at first, but I forced myself beyond my comfort zone because I knew it was a necessity in order for me to see any chances at growth. Here are some tips, based on what I’ve learned:

  • Do something for yourself every day that’s unrelated to anything you do, or any specific deadline – even if it’s just for 15-30 minutes of your day
  • Try something new once a week, to challenge yourself and to keep your mind and body guessing
  • Interact and socialize with people at least once every 1-2 weeks, solely for the sake of socializing – personally, I meet up with a few friends for coffee every two weeks, and we talk about life and ideas, without much reference back to our work or school lives

Long breaks

There are the obvious kinds of long breaks, like a week long vacation to a new place or a place you find comfort, but there are times when that can become a bit hurtful to our wallets. During times like those, put away all of your work stuff, school stuff, or anything related to your everyday routine, and just wake up every morning with something new scheduled in. For example, if you live in a place known for its tourism, spend a week living like a tourist, checking out the attractions, gardens, trails, events, etc., and come home every night to cook yourself a meal (and I mean, really experiment with new recipes and cuisines) or go out for dinner to a place you never thought you’d try. That’s what I’ve got planned for my next vacation, and I have to admit, I’m excited!

Long breaks seem like a big risk, especially if you have a lot of things on your plate. As an entrepreneur, it took a lot to make me realize that it was important for me to step away from it all for a short while, but after recognized the importance of it, I took the leap. Looking back, I don’t regret a minute of my break, and yearn for the opportunity to enjoy it again in the future, God-willing!

Earning your break

One other thing I’d like to talk about is the importance of recognizing the value of yourself and the value of a break. For the longest time, my businesses weren’t bringing in much income, and I was really struggling financially. I had to work harder than I ever had in my life, while making much less than I ever had. Still, I stuck to it, but eventually, I was drained. I needed a break, but I felt like I hadn’t earned it yet because I wasn’t making the amount of money I wanted to. Sure, things were looking up, and the finances were building, but they were nowhere near enough for me to go off on an expensive vacation or anything like that without taking a major financial hit. Every day started to become a chore, and I was starting to hate my career, not because of what I did for a living, but because I didn’t have the energy anymore. I learned, after speaking to a few close friends, that I actually had earned my break because of the hard work and effort I had put in every day to get to where I am. I was reminded that success isn’t about how much you make, but it’s about how much you value your efforts at the end of every day. If you’re happy with yourself and your effort, then take a break. If not, and you still feel the need for a break, then make a plan for doing better, then take a break, but get cracking on implementing that plan as soon as you’re break is over.

Look at it this way: when working out, you take breaks between each set, be it 30 seconds or a minute or two. Then, you take a break of at least 24 hours between working each muscle group, in order to give that specific muscle group enough time to recover. The truth is, rest and recovery is just as important to growth and development as hard work and ambition is. It’s all about balance and moderation. Work hard, push beyond your comfort zone, and take care of yourself through rest and recovery, because it’s with these three ingredients, along with faith and reliance on God, that we’re able to see results and success. Like they say, every once in a while, you have to stop and smell the roses. If you don’t, you’ll go on through an entire lifetime without having ever really lived.

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