quran

Question: How do I cope with heartache?
Question: How do I cope with heartache? 1536 1024 Nadir Keval

Question:

How do I cope with heartache?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, this reaches you in the best state of health and Imaan.

Heartbreak and heartache are some of the toughest things to face in life, but it’s also important for us to go through these things in order to grow and become better versions of ourselves for us and for those who are in our lives or will enter our lives in the future.

When it comes to heartache, I’ve personally found that it’s all about setting your mindset a certain way, giving things time, and most importantly, faith. The first step is to accept that it’s best for you to move on, and to have conviction in the fact that if someone is meant for you, that person will be in your life regardless of what happens. That may require you two to go through periods of separation, difficulty, struggle, etc. but if this person is who Allah has meant for you, nothing will be able stop you two from coming together.

“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allaah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.” – Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

With that said, it’s also important to remember that we plan and Allah plans, and He is the best of planners (Quran 8:30). Meaning, there are things we may see as being best for us, or someone we may consider the pinnacle of perfection, but if things don’t work out with that person, it means that Allah has someone even better out there for us. It’s always a win-win situation when you maintain this mindset because either Allah will give you the person you want now because they’re truly the perfect fit for you, OR He will replace that person with someone who’s even better than who you thought was the pinnacle of perfection! Allahu Akbar! How merciful and generous and wise Allah is! 😀

The other aspect of this is time. We’ve all heard the say that time heals all things, and for the most part it’s true. In this situation, there are phases that you’re going to go through as you work towards growing past this part of your life: letting go of the person, healing from the pain the experience of being with and ending a relationship caused, and finally, rebuilding your self into a much stronger and wiser person. These phases will take time, so you must be patient and positive, because at the end of the day, Allah had that person in your life for the time he was there, but now, perhaps him being in your life any longer would have hurt you and your future.

This brings me to my last point: having faith. We have to accept that who and what comes and goes in our lives is all for our benefit. Sometimes, we have to be broken slightly in order to grow. Sometimes, we have to broken greatly in order to grow. Sometimes, we are simply given what we need to grow. Life will always have its ups and downs, and when it comes to heartbreak and heartache, all related to love, one of the most desired and pursued component of our lives, it will take a great deal of effort and discipline to get there.

My remedy for growing past heartache and heartbreak has always been to turn to Allah. To build on my relationship with Him, considering He is the Facilitator of our affairs, and it is with Him that our hearts and lives lie. He is our Master and the One who loves us more than anyone else possibly could, so it is only wise to work on pleasing Him and building our relationship with Him in order to find ease in finding love and happiness in this life and the Next.

I hope this answered your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss your specific experience or situation more in an one-on-one session, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we’ll set something up, insha Allah. Till then, take care! 😀

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Don’t be fearless. Be this instead.
Don’t be fearless. Be this instead. 3456 2304 Nadir Keval

To be fearless is to live and act without any sense of fear. You see, that doesn’t seem to make much sense in my mind, because it is the overcoming of fear that results in achieving greatness and growing as a person. So, in order for us to be the best we can be, we need to learn to be courageous and brave when faced with the inevitable truth of fear.

See, fear can help us learn about ourselves, and give us a lit path towards change and betterment. As a guiding light towards what we need to conquer, it can give us the stability of knowing where we’re headed. In any endeavor of life, whether it be your health, relationships, career, or anything else, it’s most important to know where you’re going, and to have a plan. Many have the mentality of just living life day-by-day, but that is only good in theory, and in reality can lead to chaos and extreme confusion and disarray. Our lives are meant to have purpose. We are meant to be driven towards a goal. Even when someone takes time away to explore themselves and/or the world, they are ultimately doing things that will help them reach a point of better understanding themselves and the world.

People often see fear as being a negative experience or attribute, but the truth is far from that. It’s not something that reflects weakness or a lacking in the capability to do something. Instead, it reflects being human.

“The brave man is not who does not feel afraid, but he who conquers that fear.” – Nelson Mandela

Every day, we are faced with something or the other that makes us have to push beyond our limits. Opportunity lies outside of our comfort zones. If you find that you’re not being faced with this kind of opportunity often, I suggest you take a look at your life and ask yourself if you’re really out there trying to make every day better than your last. Ask yourself if you’re really doing the things that make you happy, and striving every day to be better at it in order to master your craft. If you aren’t, please make a change and start challenging yourself on the daily, so that you can begin living life to the fullest. Every person deserves to live their best life, but it is only when we accept that truth, that we are able to begin working on making our lives and the lives of others better.

Fear is like the flashing light at the top of the roller coaster, telling you to brace yourself and get ready for thrill that’s about to come your way. You can either see it as a precursor to excitement and opportunity for growth, or see it as a precursor to something that will break you and make it harder for you to move forward in life.

It’s all about your mindset, as most things are. When it comes to fear, the question is how badly you want to accomplish something over how much you want fear to control your life. You have the ability to overcome anything that comes your way…you just need to be willing to have the faith and put in the work.

Whoever does righteousness, whether male or female, while he is a believer – We will surely cause him to live a good life, and We will surely give them their reward [in the Hereafter] according to the best of what they used to do. – Quran (16:97)

I’ll be honest with all of you. I wake up every single morning with a fear to face. I started my first company with very little to my name, and have spent a good chunk of my life being near broke. But, every morning, I get up, pray, have a little personal talk with Allah, take out some time to take care of myself (exercise/meditate, get well dressed – based on my own standards, eat well), plan out my day’s tasks and events, and then go at it full throttle! I can’t say it’s easy. It’s incredibly difficult, some days more than others (to the point that it’s crippling), but I know that I have to work hard if I want to be someone who makes the world a better place, even if it’s done through one person at a time, and even if that means having to struggle to get by every once in a while. I want to be an example to people of how to live your life to the fullest, and how to find balance and happiness in your world. I want to inspire and be inspired towards helping people of the world. This doesn’t come easy, and can lead to times of doubt and a lack of zeal, but that’s when your need and desire to reach your goals and purpose is tested. THAT is when you have to push harder and further than normal in order to get to where you want to be! THAT is when you must be brave! THAT is when you must be courageous!

Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules?
Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules? 4235 2817 Nadir Keval

I was asked a question today, and I felt it to be a great topic to share with all of you. Be sure to leave your comments below, and if you know anyone else you think may benefit from this, please share it with them and your friends on places like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media network you may be on. Thank you and jazakallahu khairun.

Question:

Salam Nadir, how are you? I’m sorry I ask soo many questions but this has been bugging me. In Islam, we constantly are told what not to do. And of course it’ll make us look into it and makes us want to do it. What are we allowed to do? Its a super silly question but being a teenage girl, I feel as though I don’t have much choice. Then culture comes in and even going out for a walk seems like a complete sin (to my parents at least). What do you think I could do?? Jzk 🙂

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

I’m doing well, alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, things are going well on your end, as well. Let me start by saying that there is never a reason to apologize for asking me questions. I’m here to help the best I can, insha Allah, and I will always try my best to do so.

Islam doesn’t necessarily constantly tell us what not to do. It instead tells us the virtues of doing certain things and the consequences of doing other things. Islam has been prescribed to us as a way of life, and its guidelines have been laid out through the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). That is an understandable and highly beneficial gift, considering most live their lives trying to figure out their path in life, while we as Muslims have been blessed with a clear and detailed life manual.

When it comes to what we are and aren’t allowed to do, my way of understanding it is using this:

“When it comes to matters of our Deen and its practice, everything is haram except for what the Prophet (SAW) and his companions did and taught us based on the Quran and Sunnah. When it comes to matters of our duniya and our interaction with it, everything is halal except for what has been forbidden to us in the Quran and Sunnah.”

Your question of, “What are we allowed to do?” is one that comes with a very lengthy and tedious response if not put into context. So, the first thing to figure out is what you’re asking specifically…meaning, what are we allowed to do concerning what exactly? This isn’t a super silly question; it’s not even a silly question. It’s simply a question, and a valid one at that. Islam being a religion of justice, on the condition that you practice it to the best of your abilities, will never place you in a position of feeling unjustly treated. The reason I included the condition of practicing it to the best of your abilities is because if taken out of context, or if not looked at with a sincere desire to please Allah, to gain His Mercy, and to reserve a place in Jannah, we can easily misconstrue the Quranic verses and the Prophetic traditions (of the Hadith) into something that could cause us far more harm than benefit.

Taking out the time and effort to better understand why you are facing these struggles that have been placed in front of you in the falsely claimed name of Islam is a reflection of your desire to seek out the truth, and that is an admirable trait in anyone, especially one in this day and age. Depending on where you live, there are definitely some places of the world where certain rules are placed on individuals or groups in the name of religion, when in fact they hold no place in religious fact, but instead are based on cultural and societal norms. Sometimes, it may not be the places we live, but rather, those who are in our lives that compel us to stick to certain rules that hold no place in religion. That said, depending on who those people are, we should be wise in how we approach them in regards to these matters. When it comes to most people in society, unless you are risking your own safety, don’t bother with the opinions of others. Focus instead on developing your own identity, while being conscious of the judgment of Allah, following the example of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions, and being kind to and obeying your parents.

In the case of parents, let’s be honest, there are hardly any people in the world that haven’t had some disagreements with their parents. In fact, because every parent was once a child, your parents too probably had some disagreements or conflicts with their own parents. Your parents probably went through similar things as you are now, and so they’re trying to protect you from making the same mistakes. It’s the circle of life, and though they may know that you have to go through your own struggles to become the best version of yourself, it’s part of how Allah has created them, for them to care immensely for you. This isn’t always the case, as some parents just don’t care about their children, so if your parents are pestering you about something, be grateful that they’re there with you, and recognize that their pestering is a reflection of their love. That said, it’s important that we remember the verses of the Quran:

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. – Quran (31:14-15)

Notice how Allah tells us to be kind and obedient towards our parents, but reminds us that our return is to Him? Always be good to and patient with your parents, because the reward for it is limitless in the Hereafter, and because we cannot repay how much our mothers alone went through to give birth to us. A companion came to the Prophet (SAW) once and asked him, “Oh Prophet of Allah, I have just finished performing the pilgrimage while carrying my mother on my shoulders. Have I repaid my debt to her?” The Prophet (SAW) replied, “You have not even repaid her for one labor pain.” Subhanallah!

Try to do the most you can of what you aspire towards, but if your parents ask you not to for the sake of their concern for your safety, or for any other valid reason (as long as they’re not holding you back from fulfilling a command of Allah like praying your salah, wearing hijab, or things like that), listen to them. Allah will reward you for it, insha Allah, and who knows, it may be that Allah is protecting you from something harmful through having them hold you back from doing something. Like it says in the Quran:

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

Talk to your parents, ask them why they would advise you stay away from what they’re prohibiting, but ask with wisdom. Ask kindly, and explain that you’d like to know so you can understand and grow from the matter. If that doesn’t work out well, then say Alhamdulillah, accept what they’ve asked of you, and go on with your day. Make dua asking Allah for guidance, and talk to Him. He is our greatest counselor, and the greatest weapon of a believer is dua.

I hope this answers your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss this further, or have any more questions, you can email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can set up an appointment to talk, insha Allah. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right?
Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right? 2000 1125 Nadir Keval

My last article, “Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam” got A LOT of readers and feedback, Alhamdulillah. Opened my eyes to how many people really struggle with the issue. One particular question I received stood out to me most, inclining me towards sharing it with all of you.

The Question:

okay, about that marital affair thingy, what if someone has done something that according to your post is wrong and that someone wants to make things right? is there any chance they can do things right? if they are still in that relationship and they regret doing what they did?

The Response:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Often, we find ourselves feeling as though we are unable to turn back, or have no chance at repentance, but the truth of the matter is, repentance is always an option. As Allah says in the Quran:

“And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity (i.e. commit Shirk) or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated – Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” – (25:68-70)

Notice that in this verse alone, you see that Allah promises His Forgiveness and Mercy for those who do three things:

  1. Repent: to repent is to not only seek forgiveness, but to make a sincere effort to not repeat the action that inclined you to repent
  2. Believe: it is one thing to claim that we are strong in faith, and it’s another to apply all that we know and to make it a part of what makes us who we are – ensure that worship and obedience of Allah is the core of your existence, and that every aspect of your life including your career, your relationships (with family, a potential spouse, friends, etc.), your health, etc. are all tailored around your faith.
  3. Do righteous work: taking steps towards making an effort to do righteous work through following the examples and guidelines in the Quran and Sunnah – doing righteous work is a way of showing Allah that you want to get closer to Him, want to increase your good deeds to outweigh sin, and that you want to make a change in your lifestyle

I am not a sheikh or scholar, and this explanation is not one of Tafseer that I have studied. It is rather, my understanding on the topic based on what I have learned of Islam over years of attending Halaqas, discussing the topic with scholars and students of Islam, and counseling.

What I would suggest to you is to do what I mentioned above, based on the verses. If you and the person with whom you committed zina are interested in pursuing marriage, cleanse the situation by keeping your distance from each other, meeting only in the presence of a mahram, and take steps towards marriage in a way that is in accordance to the Quran and Sunnah. If this is something that the other person is not pleased with, remember that there is no value in the obedience of the creation if it leads to the disobedience of the Creator. Also, this will bring clarity to you as to how good this person would be for you in the case of marriage. Remember, marriage in Islam plays many roles, one of which is to be a source of inspiration and support as the couple works towards righteousness and ultimately, a place in Jannah.

I hope this answers your question. If you’d like to follow up, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com and we can set up an appointment to discuss things more. I look forward to hearing from you, insha Allah. Take care of yourself.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

10 Tips For A Better Ramadan
10 Tips For A Better Ramadan 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

Every Ramadan, we set goals and resolutions, and just like New Year resolutions, these are quickly forgotten. The first week of Ramadan has now passed and this is the perfect opportunity to reevaluate and determine where we are and where we can go with our faith, character, and lifestyle. This Ramadan, use these tips (in no particular order) to get yourself back in check. Work hard at making these a reality, and insha Allah, you’ll see positive differences and changes in your relationship with yourself and with Allah. May Allah make these steps beneficial for all of us, and guide us towards that which is best for us to continue with throughout our lives here and in the Hereafter. Ameen.

1. Get out of bed and your bedroom as quickly as possible

Every morning, at least for me, it’s a challenge to get myself out of bed and get to work. I love what I do in my life, and aspire to do so much more every day, but the truth is, sleep is a luxury I would love to indulge in more. Still, with the bed and bedroom come temptations that just aren’t beneficial. For example, laziness becomes something that is so easily attainable, especially if you’re someone who doesn’t work a 9-5, like me, or if you’re a student with classes later in the day. At the time of the Prophet (SAW), they spent so much of their time during Ramadan in worship, hard work towards feeding their families, and more, to the point that many went days, weeks, or sometimes even the entire month with only a few hours of sleep per night. They are examples for us, to show us that they too were human and capable of keeping up. So, get out of bed, get dressed, and get started with your day. It’ll keep you disciplined, on point and focused, and will give you a better night’s sleep when you head to bed every night. For one month, make sacrifices and put your faith before your sleep. You’ve done it for your job, to study for exams, to take care of your kids, and sometimes even to hang out with your friends. Reducing your sleep hours during this one month won’t hurt, especially if you’re using it towards worship. (Remember, I’m not a doctor though, so this may not work for everyone. But, before you write this step off, ask yourself what your intention and reason is behind cutting down sleep.)

2. Eat clean and smart

Oh, the horrifying things Muslims do to themselves when Iftar and Suhoor come around. May Allah guide and forgive us. When you’re eating, it should be for the sake of nourishment and not gluttony. Eat to live. Don’t live to eat. This Ramadan, stick to the natural basics, and avoid anything from a wrapper. Also, avoid sugars and caffeine. Sugar because it won’t keep you nourished for the day, and caffeine because studies have shown that it leads to dehydration. Stick to proteins, fiber-rich foods, fruit, vegetables, nuts, water, and milk. And finally, remember to eat in moderation. The food isn’t going anywhere. Eat small portions, eat clean and nutritious, and eat only at Iftar and Suhoor times. Avoid eating full meals between the two times. If you feel very hungry, drink lots of water and munch on things like fruits, veggies, and nuts.

3. Stay active, but listen to your body

One of the most common things I hear before Ramadan, from others and myself is, “I’m going to work out a lot this Ramadan and just shred the fat away.” I’m going to be straight with you here: no, you’re not. It’s definitely possible for you to shred fat during Ramadan, but that won’t come through aggressive and excessive workouts. It will come through nutrition and workout consistency. Before you start doing your three 2-hour workouts every day (which can be harmful and counter-productive unless planned out with proper knowledge and application of the human body, its needs, and your own unique body’s chemistry), take it one step at a time, and pace yourself. As you get comfortable with one thing, add the next. Most importantly though, listen to your body. Don’t over exert yourself. If you need to rest, rest.

Remember, Ramadan is a time to train your body, mind, and spirit for the year to come, so don’t jump in completely without preparation and by taking on everything at once. Be patient and wise, and take small steps towards your goals.

4. Put your faith first

When you start your day, start it with faith. Work towards getting the faith-related things you had planned for the day done first, so as to avoid procrastination. It’s far too easy to get caught up in your daily activities and to forget the things you had set out to do differently this Ramadan. So, if you are hoping to finish reading the Quran during this month, make some time in the morning before work, school, or anything else, and read a few pages or even a chapter or two. Make it a point to pray as soon as the time for each Salah comes in, and take out some time out of your day to listen or watch a lecture online or at your local Masjid.  The point is, indulge in your faith and make it the root of your life, and you will find yourself cleansed of stress, strife, and mental clutter. (I actually just wrote an article about this: The Seed Of All Success)

5. Make a goal list

It’s really easy to fall of course when we make a mental list of our tasks and don’t write things down. It may seem possible at first, but eventually, things pile up and you forget one or two things here or there, and the next thing you know, you’ve missed something major and fallen off track. Write down your goals for the month. If you already had done so before Ramadan began, take this as an opportunity to revise and renew those goals. This first week was the trial run – your beta phase. Reflect on the last week, think about what you’ve done, what you can do to become better, write down tasks to make it more clear, and then take action and make your goals a reality.

6. Keep a journal

This can do wonders for you when you’re working towards growth in any aspect of life. Keep a journal for each separate goal – one for working out, your career, your Deen, etc. This is a great approach to keeping yourself on track and building motivation to maintaining your goals and aspirations.

7. Give back

One of the best ways to cleanse your mind and soul, and to feel good about yourself is to help others and give back to the community. This is a great way to bring to light one of the main reasons behind why we fast: to understand and recognize that we have so much to be grateful for in our lives. When you are more aware of how privileged we are with all of the things Allah has blessed us with, we are less greedy, more calm and collected, and more patient in dealing with the struggles of life, along with the many other benefits of helping others. And personally, I also believe that giving back is one of the best ways to increase your success and gain more out of what you aspire towards.

8. Learn something new daily

Seeking knowledge is an integral part of Islamic teachings, and it would be unwise to not take advantage of this month as a time to secure a routine or habit of making an effort to learn more on a daily basis. Take out some time every day to watch or listen to a new lecture on Islam or any other beneficial topic, go to your local Masjid, have discussions with your fellow Muslim friends about different topics in Islam, read the Tafseer of the Quran, study Islamic history books, etc. Just do something to learn about your Deen and about other things that will benefit you in this life and in the Next.

9. Take time to meditate

It actually bothers me when people say that Salah is enough meditation for Muslims. It’s one of many ways we can meditate and find a center point. Take up yoga, go for a walk, go fishing, do something that is calming and takes you away from the stresses of every day life. Your faith is one thing, and taking care of your mental clarity and calm is another. They may overlap, but they are two very different things.

10. Stay close to positive friends

“You are the company you keep.” This is amongst the few phrases that holds true in every circumstance. Who and what you keep company with influences and impacts your own character, habits, and interests. Keeping yourself surrounded by those who are beneficial towards your growth as a person and as a Muslim is key to finding success in this life and the Next. It gives us the support, base of knowledge and structure, and all else we could gain from being around positive influences. Alhamdulillah, my best friend has always been by my side and it has helped immensely in shaping my character and faith.

11. BONUS: Look sharp

This is one of those things where my opinion takes lead and forces itself on to my tasks, making me go against the rules and add another tip to this list. Keep a strong image through your character, looking good while maintaining the halal and Sunnah, and staying clean and fresh are key components of what makes Islam and Muslims so amazing. Here’s the truth: because Islam is a way of life, Muslims represent it at every turn. While we are open to flaws and mistakes due to us being human, we are still capable of doing our best to look our best, holding character in our personalities and sense of style. So, take a second, read up on style, check out fashion houses and their artistic appeal, and create your own personal style (while sticking to the Sunnah as much as possible – constantly trying to grow in faith).

Relationships: What If?
Relationships: What If? 1280 800 Nadir Keval

So, I was sifting through YouTube when I fell upon this video. I’d say it’s pretty well done, considering I would say that many of us have experienced something similar to this in our lives. At first, I thought, wow, what a great depiction of relationships. Then, I realized that there is much more we could do to approach relationships in a more mature, responsible and stress-free way.

See, Islam’s way to approach a relationship is different, but unfortunately, today, people feel that this is a better approach. It’s a touching story, but in truth, Allah knows what is best, and His advice through the Quran and through the teachings of the Prophet (pbuh) is ultimately still more beneficial. If we all learned to just trust in Allah more, we’d find love much easier to find. Allah knows best, and it’s important we remember that we just need to bring our hearts closer to Him, and He will bring us the love we deserve, Insha Allah 🙂

We worry so often about what will happen if we get married to someone that’s not right for us. But, I guarantee that if we do things as Muslims, in the way that Islam has taught us to do things, we won’t lose. I know, I know, the divorce rate amongst Muslims is drastically increasing, but at the same time, have we ever considered that the reason is because we go about getting married in ways that displease Allah? He is the One that can either bless or curse our marriages, so why do we not focus on ensuring that we live out our lives, have our weddings, and build our marriages in ways that He has described as being the righteous and most beneficial way? How many times has Allah promised us that He will protect us if we solely rely on Him? That promise is stronger than any promise a person can give you. So, trust it!

What is there to fear? One of two things will happen if you consider someone: Allah will bring you closer to that person and make marriage come easy, or He will remove that person from your heart and replace them with someone that’s better for you. Either way, it’s a win-win Insha Allah. Focus on building yourself, and if someone is suggested to you, or you’re interested in someone, pray Isthikhaarah and make dua. Then, if you feel inclined towards that person, talk to them bluntly about things. Relationships in Islam are clear-cut. Either you’re into the person or you’re not. It doesn’t take months or years to know if a person is good for you to consider for marriage or not. It takes a moment to say, this person is someone I could consider, or that this person isn’t. Your Isthikhaarah will take effect insha Allah, and things will become clear to you. Do things with Allah in mind, and move forward from there.

Muslims aren’t wusses because we know that we have nothing to worry about except for seeking Allah’s pleasure. We know that Allah has our backs, so we’re supposed to be stress-free. Ever thought that if that’s how we Muslims should be, then all these doubts and concerns that enter our minds when we fear approaching marriage even when we find someone we think would be great for us, might just be the whispers of Shaitaan? Makes ya think, doesn’t it?

Regardless, be straightforward, tell a person how you feel, ask Allah to guide you, and then take steps forward. If the person’s right for you, Allah will make it clear to you if you are reliant on Him. If the person isn’t good for you, He will make it clear to you to steer clear of that person, once again IF you are reliant on Him.

Don’t spend too much time just hanging around. You’re just asking for fitna (temptation/tribulation). The Prophet (pbuh) even said that, “The best thing for two people who love one another is marriage.” (that was me paraphrasing, by the way) Now, I’m not saying that you’ll fall in love right away. Every relationship has its own time for that if it’s meant to be. What I AM saying though, is that if you think someone is good for you, and you’ve done your Isthikhaarah, take steps forward towards making it happen.

Sure, you may be engaged (in the halal way, of course!) for a while, so that you can prep yourself financially or so you can finish school, etc. but at least you will have protected yourself from the ridiculous amount of fitna there is in the world, you will have a confidant and someone you can rely on to be there for you Insha Allah. You will feel more secure too.

Either way, this is just me ranting now, but I truly believe that we should all be more active in approaching marriage in a more Islamically sound manner. Sure, times have changed and society approaches things differently now, but correct me if I’m wrong, but didn’t Allah say that He has perfected this religion for all of mankind (ie. the people at the time of the Prophet (pbuh), people now, and all those to come in the future until the Day of Judgment)? So, then, who are we to say that we know better than Allah? Right?

This is all just my thoughts. I’d love to hear what you think. And, I pray that Allah gives us all the strength, courage, patience, guidance, and all else we need in order for us to find ease in every step of marriage, and that you all are blessed with the best of spouses. Ameen.

Poem: Sunshine
Poem: Sunshine 2560 1600 Nadir Keval

Have you ever felt like Allah has given you the sun?
The light with which you hope to see?
The warmth through which you find strength?

What happens when you get sun stroke?
What happens when the light becomes so bright, that it blinds us?
What happens when the warmth begins to burn?

I cannot say that I am ungrateful.
Allah sent me the sun as a test.
Provided me good from His bounty.
Provided me difficulty from His wisdom.
All with reason:
Would I learn to thank Allah?
Will I turn away when He has given me the opportunity to stay?

You see, it is quite simple.
All I need is the Quran and Sunnah.
It is my air and nourishment.
No sun could replace Allah.
Why?
Because the One who provides cannot be the provided.
Instead, He is the Provider and the Protector.
That is one of His many blessings.
So to Him, I beg and plead,
That I continue to recieve the bitter and the sweet.
That He please continue to bless me.
For without Him, I am merely His slave defined as weak.

Copyright © Nadir Keval
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