struggle

Question: I suffer from an eating disorder. Am I sinning and how can I get better?

Question: I suffer from an eating disorder. Am I sinning and how can I get better? 1600 1254 Nadir Keval

I contribute my articles, quotes, and input to one of the biggest Islamic blogs today, The Beauty Of Islam – an honour and privilege to say the least, Alhamdulillah. Through working with this site and my own counseling efforts, I have seen some things that truly reveal the hidden struggles many face every day, but are unable to bring to light in fear of ridicule or judgment, or because a lack of knowledge of where they should go for help.

A little while back, we received a message that inclined me towards wanting to post my response in hopes of being help to others who may be going through the same or a similar struggle. I will keep the question anonymous, so as to maintain the privacy of the person who asked this question. What saddens me most is that people are raised or conditioned to think that they are in sin for facing a problem that is not completely in their hands. We all have the ability and opportunity to grow and overcome, and we all must recognize that with sincerity in thought and action, Allah is capable of forgiving any and all sins. Situations like these (the question below), however, are more psychology and mental health related, and should not been seen sins per se.

I would love to hear feedback and more input on how I could help those who are going through this struggle or any other struggle like it. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Question:

Salaams.. I’m a teenager.. I’m completely ashamed to admit this but I occasionally suffer from bulimia.. Does Islam guide one on how to eat? Or are there any fast quick effects to rid myself of an eating disorder because I know it’s a huge sin

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

First off, I would say, don’t be too hard on yourself. Refrain from considering yourself victimized or to be someone that is full of sin and incapable of recompense or revival.

What you are experiencing is one of many different struggles and challenges Muslims face on a daily basis. You are not alone in this, and there are others who have not only been in the same place as you, but have successfully overcome.

There are few things to change when it comes to matters like these, in order to see success. First and foremost is the recognition of there being the need for a change and a solution. Second, is to look at your body as being a gift from Allah, and to take care of that gift and give it its rights through providing it with the physical, mental, and spiritual nourishment it requires and deserves. Third, is to actually act on that knowledge.

In regards to eating well, the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) is to eat and drink as though your body is made of three components: food, drink, and air. He said that we should fill 1/3 of our stomachs with food, 1/3 with drink, and 1/3 with air.

As you eat, ensure that what you eat is in moderation, is healthy, and is enjoyable. Remember that in order for you to take care of the gift Allah has provided you (i.e. your body), you must fuel it regularly, take care of it, and not hurt it in any way.

In addition to this, focus on building your relationship with Allah. Increase your worship, pray more often (within the bounds of the Sunnah), and spend time with fellow Muslims.

These are just some of my tips. You may be contacted by one of the other Beauty of Islam admins for a response. I do, however, work as a mentor, and would be more than happy to work with you in helping you overcome. When you’re ready to, you’re more than welcome to contact me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can discuss things further, and work together to help you overcome this challenge you’ve been blessed with. Remember, there is nothing Allah allows into your life, that you are not capable of overcoming, or will not ultimately benefit you. I look forward to hearing back from you, insha Allah. Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

You can find more questions and answers like these on my Tumblr blog: nadirkeval.tumblr.com

Question: Why are some people tested more than others?

Question: Why are some people tested more than others? 1681 1189 Nadir Keval

Question:

It seems unfair at times as you seem to have it all. May Allah bless you with more inshaAllah, but at times I find it all too much as you really seem to have a great life. A great family, good food, great job… Why are some people tested more than the others. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t envy you but can’t help but wonder. Why you, why not me?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah grant you contentment and satisfaction with Allah, His Decree, and His Provision, and bless you with the heights of happiness and success in this life and the Next. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, I do have a great life, but this should not be misconstrued as being a life without struggle, strife, and challenges. I have experienced many different phases in my life, including health scares, desperation for enough food to eat in a day, heartbreak, family discourse, and more. For all of it, I say, with all sincerity, Alhamdulillah.

What makes my life seem so great is the approach I take towards it, wa lillahil hamd. I believe in being grateful for all that we have and recognizing that there may be some things that happen in our lives that we don’t necessarily want or expect, but those are often the same things we later learn to be amongst the most beneficial towards our growth and happiness.

The question of why some are tested more than others is often asked, and has many responses based on wisdom. The first thing to understand though, before addressing that question, is that tests come in different forms. Just because a person gains wealth, does not mean that they are not being tested. Their test comes in how they use that wealth, and whether or not they show gratitude for what Allah has blessed them with. Just because a person’s life seems to be in order, doesn’t mean that they aren’t being tested in their own capacity.

Some of the many reasons for some people being “tested” more than others include:

  • Allah is protecting you from something. For years, I have wanted to get married, but things haven’t panned out, and often I’ve been left hurt, betrayed, and changed. In situations like that, I am getting tested, and being saved. The test comes in how I deal with the situation, and being saved comes from the fact that I look back at the experiences I had with those individuals, or look at where they are now, and recognize that I have been blessed to have not gotten married to them because of who they truly were then or who they are now.
  • The time for your success is not ideal yet, and Allah is preparing you for that time. It took me many years to see my businesses reach any level of success. During that proves, I was tested with patience, perseverance, and reliance on Allah. It was a trying time, and after hard work and a lot of time spent in prayer and supplication, weeping and seeking the help of Allah, I got what I was looking for. The difference though was that I got what I needed and not necessarily what I wanted, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
  • You are being strengthened. It often takes years for most people before they see success. During this time, they are given the option of becoming stronger or giving up. Those who choose to become stronger begin to work harder, build their patience, and increase their threshold for struggle. Betterment is always a blessing, so it’d be wise to make the most of it.
  • You are being given the opportunity to grow closer to Allah. It was definitely through the hardships and struggles I faced when it came to my health, relationships, and career, that I grew closest to Allah. I knew that I was being tested and that Allah wouldn’t forsake me, because He knows that in the depths of my heart, I know that He is the only One that could ever save me from my misery. And so, I increased my worship, worked harder than ever, and trained my mind to understand and accept that Allah is going to take care of me as long as I recognize Him to be above everything and my closest friend.

Akhi/Ukhti, it’s important to understand that whatever trials and tribulations we go through, as well as any success we may experience are all blessings and tests at the same time. My life is only the way it is not because of an absence of trials and tribulations, but because of a connection with Allah that I have worked a long time to establish, and will be working the rest of my life to completely perfect. I have my down times, I have my moments of despair and desperation, but that is because I am human and capable of error. Not because I have more talent, skill, or even Love from Allah. I don’t quantify those things in my life. Instead, I just work hard at everything I do, and make Islam my core.

So, my advice to you, if you’re going through a tough time and need an out is to remember and apply the lessons from this verse:

“And whoever has cognizance of Allah – He will make for him a way out…and will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

Applying this means building a relationship with Allah so that you become completely cognizant of all that He is capable of, and thus, become patient and content as you strive and wait for your efforts to pay off. Build on your faith and relationship with Allah, work incredibly hard, and be patient. You are in the blessed month of Ramadan, so take advantage of this opportunity to build your faith and make Islam the core of every aspect of your life. I wrote about this in a recent article, which I feel you may benefit from: “The Seed Of All Success”

Finally, remember the hadith of the Prophet (SAW), where he said:

“No soul will die until it has received its provision in full and completed its allotted lifespan.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

So, don’t worry about where you are in life right now. Be grateful for it because Allah has His Wisdom behind it. And take this as an opportunity to grow closer to Allah, to grow stronger in your character, and to take this time to make the most of everything you’ve been blessed with. Dwell not on the things that bring you hardship, but find hope in that which you have been blessed with, good and bad.

I hope this answers your question. Jazakallahu khairun for the admiration and dua. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Are We Truly In Search Of Justice And Peace?

Are We Truly In Search Of Justice And Peace? 1920 1080 Nadir Keval

Let’s look at the world we live in today. It’s a construct of the decisions we as a global society have made throughout the years, allowing our greed, agendas, and immoral intentions take precedent over the maintenance of justice and life. Despite all of this being a truth many of us are aware of, we become emotionally driven by our own attachments and forget about the essence of humanity as a whole. Now, I am not one to often speak about current events because I feel that it is a magnet of controversy and the like, but I felt it important for my own self to share what I believe is necessary for us to live in a world of peace, as limited as that option may be.

There are battles, wars, and struggles that are faced throughout the world on a daily basis, some bigger than others, and some in our own minds. Every single one of them holds value and weight, and should be faced with wisdom, patience, and optimism – both by those involved and by those standing on the outside, looking in. Regardless of who you are or who it is facing the struggle, we must acknowledge the struggle and its weight.

“Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere.” – Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

The sad reality is that many of us have become numb to all the things we hear on the news. More often than not, we need for it to be something big to really make an impact. When it does, our reactions of anger and disgust with all that’s happened tend to be extremely strong at first, and a short time later, our passion towards change fades and we go back to living our lives. All the chaotic things that happen in the world are sparks of fire, and how we allow those things to impact our lives and influence our interactions with each other determines how much gas we add to that fire. If we’re smart, we’ll find ways to put out the fire through peaceful, wise, and optimistic solutions, before it grows too large for us to handle.

In no way do I mean to belittle any of the things that happen in the world today. Rather, I believe it’s important for us to work on our own selves, and to seek out knowledge and wisdom to find peace within ourselves, in order for us to find solutions to everything that goes on in the world, big or small. Through this, we will be able to deal with the news we hear about every day in a positive way, and will grow as a community. Maybe I’m speaking out of naivety, maybe I’m just saying something we’re all thinking but are too afraid to say or face, out of fear of stepping up and taking action. But, I implore all of us to consider ourselves as individuals first. For a minute, put aside all the blaming going on, put aside who may or may not have been the cause of the incidents, and ask yourself how you can make a difference. As I said, how we react to these things makes all the difference on the impact the struggles and events have on our lives. If we focus on trying to make positive changes to avoid having things like what we face happen again, we can make a difference that could benefit more people and save lives. If we, however, take the approaches we are taking today of finding someone or some group to blame and reacting in a negative and inappropriate manner, we are merely adding more reasons for more problems in the future.

Take an example from the days of elementary school, where if someone were bullied, the advice we would give them wouldn’t be to retaliate by starting to bully those bullying them. We don’t advise our children to react with the same thing they are hurt by, so why should that change when we’re all grown adults. Do we lose our sense, and emotional and mental stability when we get older? Most of what we see in the world today is bullies pointing fingers at others, and their blind followers spreading hate and negativity throughout the public to blind other people into sharing in the finger pointing. Sure, the bullies are bigger organizations or nations, and sure the followers are people on the internet and in smaller organizations, but really, it’s not that different from the school mentality. Make a change by being the better person. If someone is being blamed, investigate and seek out knowledge. Don’t be ignorant to the facts, and instead, stand for justice, wherever it may come from. Jumping the gun in blaming people and not expecting them to retaliate is dumb and ignorant. Be wise in your actions and strive to bring about positive change. People speak so much about wanting to see change and all that, but who really takes productive steps towards it? We all go out marching and protesting because of a matter (and I’m not saying that’s good or bad), but how much time is spent meeting in groups to understand with open minds the people and organizations behind the things being done, and then working hard towards taking positive, respectful, and respectable action? If the accused is an organization or a person that openly claims to have an agenda to do harm to people, then understand that the agenda is specific to those individuals involved in the matter and not to everyone that classifies themselves under that same name. For example, if a person named John goes around slapping people with blonde hair because he believes blonde haired people are evil, does that mean that every person named John believes the same thing and may slap blonde people? No. Does that mean that every blonde haired person is evil? No. So, why let that concept change in any other situation?

Ultimately, what I believe we should all do as individuals is work on ourselves to try becoming the best we can be for ourselves and for society as a whole. When you feel like someone is pushing you the wrong way, or that they seem to be trying to get you to react negatively to something they say, recognize that as being a form of bullying and walk away. Do not react in any way other than with patience unless you are put in a position of needing to defend yourself or others from actual physical harm – then too, be smart and don’t do any more than is necessary; i.e. call the police, move yourself to a safe place, and do only what is necessary to get away from the person, and do not harm out of emotional drive. Have faith in humanity and it’s ability to be good. At our core, that is what we are – good – but it is through the misuse and manipulation of our emotions that we get carried away and forget to think clearly and rationally, with wisdom and patience, when trying to find a solution.

“You must not lose faith in humanity. Humanity is an ocean; if a few drops of the ocean are dirty, the ocean does not become dirty.” – Mahatma Gandhi

These are all my opinions and thoughts, and no one has any obligation to follow or agree with them. All I ask is that you consider what I’ve said with an open mind and try to find peace through helping others. Only then can we grow as a people and hope for a better future.

Poem: Daydreaming

Poem: Daydreaming 1398 1184 Nadir Keval

This has been a journey,
like none I’ve ever faced before.
Yet, all this time I didn’t know,
that every moment was a new opportunity.

I spent so many years searching,
trying to find my purpose.
But, never did I see
that I have flourished,
even when it seemed like I had perished.

Life put me through its seasons,
breaking me down,
and bringing me up again.
Every moment,
every challenge,
given to me to live out my dreams.

I’ve been living a dream,
a blessing if I’ve ever seen one.
But, like with every dream,
we crisscross between reality and fantasy.

My life has been a constant battle,
fighting the expected
against the desired.
The challenge to be a dreamer,
trying to be stable,
flowing in balance with the winds of freedom,
is far more than any journey.
It’s an adventure
filled with misdemeanors,
as everyone expects you to stick to reality.

My purpose was found in those ruins,
the grounds of life painted
with the death of norms and expectations.
I have learned that to live out my dreams,
I must embrace the crossing paths,
of fantasies and reality.
Only then will I find my way
paving my path,
brick by brick,
painting it with what I have earned,
happiness, confidence,
and my daydream turned reality.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Poem: “If you love her…”

Poem: “If you love her…” 1024 768 Nadir Keval

Thought I’d see you again someday,
With everyone telling me,
“If you love her, let her go,
and if she comes back, then you’ll know…”
So, I spent every night since the day you left, praying,
Asking God to have mercy and bring me back my blessing.
As much as I believed it would happen,
In the depths of my heart, I knew that,
No matter what I did, you wouldn’t return,
and that no matter what I did,
I couldn’t keep this damned heart of mine from love.
I was confused, with no choice but living it through.
I wanted you, but wanted to hate you too.
It was the only way I could find to get over this,
And so, I fought hard and finally got over this.
Continued living, with no thought of you,
And suddenly you came back, and pushed through
the guard I’d built around myself,
Had me wanting to give you another chance.
After you put me through all that struggle and pain,
I couldn’t see any logical reason to let you stay.
But see, when love comes to trial,
The heart takes over and wins with flying colors.
But why is it that despite my heart’s battle,
You seem to still be blind to my love’s color?
I guess it’s just time to try again… ”If you love her…”

Copyright © Nadir Keval
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