success

3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success
3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success 1920 1280 Nadir Keval

Many of us have ambitions and goals, but perhaps just as many of us get overwhelmed by the drive needed to achieve those goals. We fear the overwhelming struggle, the possibility of failure, and the unrelenting force of self-doubt that eats away at our potential. What I have learned over the years is the importance of us embracing that struggle, staring down that fear, and ignoring that voice in your head telling you that you can’t accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to.

Fear is inevitable. It’s a part of what helps us understand who we are, and it challenges us to overcome different things that come our way, helping us grow and become better as individuals in our characteristics, skills, and so much more. (You can read more about my thoughts on facing your fears here.) There’s one beautiful reminder about faith that makes facing your fears much easier: “Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.” (Quran 2:186) What that tells you is that regardless of what you face in life, God guarantees that you will never face anything you can’t bear. It means that He KNOWS you can handle everything you face. And because we also know that Allah only has us experience things that will help us become better versions of ourselves, we know that us overcoming our fears will result in us reaching new heights in accessing our true potential. How beautiful, encouraging, and reassuring is that?? As for the individual fears I mentioned above, let’s break them down one at a time.

1. The Struggle

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nothing in life worth having comes easy, and nothing that comes easy is worth having.” A pretty great reminder, if you ask me. Sure, you may come around the occasional unique case where something falls into place without much work, but to depend on that occurrence as our path to success in our endeavors is like living a half-assed life, expecting someone to come around one day with a briefcase of millions of dollars for you. Umm…sorry for breaking your bubble if that’s what you’re hoping for, but my friend, it’s probably not going to happen. I would recommend that you work hard towards your goals, and if you just so happen to stumble upon that kind of fortunate circumstance, simply consider it a bonus.

Hard work is it’s own reward. It’s true. When you have a goal or dream you’re striving towards accomplishing, every little success feels like a huge motivation and push forward. Successful people wake up every morning with the ambition to take steps forward in their goals, and to get a few extra little successes under their belts, and that acts as part of their fuel for the next day. I personally get excited every time I get the code I’ve been struggling with when designing a client’s website, or coming upon an epiphany for a logo or branding scheme for a client. Or, when I would see a coaching client overcome something they were afraid to face. Or, when I would come up with an idea for a quote, poem, or article to write. These may seem like really small experiences, perhaps even unimportant in the larger scheme of things, but every little success is worth appreciation and embrace, because these little things are exactly what remind us that we’re on the right path to fulfilling our goals. Keep going towards your goals, and work relentlessly until you accomplish your goal, or life leads you and your heart in a different direction that’s better for you.

2. The Truth About Failure

Failure can be one of two things: the fuel to your success or the fuel to your destruction. Which of the two it’ll be is up to you.

Personally, I’ve failed so many times during my journey to success, and actually fail in small ways almost on a daily basis. But, I recognize that those failures have come in my life path for the sake of helping me grow and build on my skills and talents. I know that God has put me on this world to help people, and that can be difficult at times when it comes to trying to support your family and future. I face criticism and ridicule often as I try things and stumble, and can sometimes have people telling me that I will never succeed, or that I should just give up on trying. Still, I push forward, have faith and patience, and work my butt off every single day, while trying to learn and grow from my experiences. If I let the reactions of others towards my journey and failures eat away at my mind, or affect me in any way, I would definitely see myself fall into self-destruction. The reason I say self-destruction is because it’s truly self-imposed. We choose what we let in and what we let out of our minds. We have to remember that no one knows our journey better than God and our own selves. As long as we keep God in mind with every step, give our hearts to Him, and work relentlessly towards what we want in life (within moral bounds, of course), we can remain steadfast in our steps forward towards succeeding in our goals.

Another beautiful thing about failure is that it keeps us balanced and humble. It reminds us that we’re human, and that reminder is hugely important when we have big expectations. It’s through this falling and failing that we learn how to get back up and keep going. It’s through these setbacks that we are brought towards the right timing for our success, and are reminded that we should stay humble and levelheaded with our potential and skills.

There is enough in this life that pushes its way into our life and minds to the point of causing us sadness and fills us with a test of hope and faith. Don’t pass the test of failure in that process. Failure is truly a blessing and an opportunity for us to become better versions of ourselves, and what better thing could we ask for than that as we strive every day towards personal development and growth?

3. Destroying Self-Doubt

Ah, the internal evil that resides in even the best of us: self-doubt. No matter who you are, you’ve surely experienced this to some degree. But, the beauty of life is that we are never faced with anything that we can’t bear, and we are often capable of so much more than we think we are. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” What that reminder told me was not only that we have to always try something before we know we can do it, but also that we can only know how much we are capable of through us pushing the envelope with our comfort zones.

Like I mentioned above, letting the words of others get to us is something that can happen only if we allow it to. What’s even more important to keep in mind though is that the same goes for our own negative, pessimistic, or skeptic thoughts. We are hardwired to think out all of the options, and life’s rollercoaster-type nature causes us to fear the worst and doubt our own capabilities. Often, we put up a front that we have what it takes to take on the things that scare us, but I think that it’s much easier to become courageous than to fake fearlessness. When you face every day, remind yourself that you are capable of so much more than you can imagine, and that there is nothing that can come your way in life that you aren’t able to handle. You are stronger, wiser, and more capable than you think. People will try to convince you otherwise, and life will challenge you often to make you think otherwise (if you let it), but I assure you that your success and happiness is simply past those things you doubt being capable of doing or achieving.

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, there are two things I believe combine to create the formula for guaranteed success = unrelenting and ridiculous work ethic + an ever-growing knowledge and application of your beliefs and values. Figure out what you want to dedicate your time and efforts to, and what your beliefs and values are, and then face life head on. With these two things, you will find everything you’re looking for, and then some. Of course, there are so many more details to these two components for each individual person, and I’d be more than happy to coach or mentor any of you in that endeavor. You can send me an email at mail@nadirkeval.com to set up a free consultation, but till then, I hope this article will be a great starting point!

Now, I want to hear from you! Join the conversation! Leave a comment below telling me about some fears you’ve conquered, or share some insight into some other ways you have taken on these or other hurdles on your personal journey to success 🙂

Try, Try Again
Try, Try Again 1536 808 Nadir Keval

With being halfway through Ramadan 2014, I’ve been giving a lot of thought towards bettering myself this month. One of the things I’ve learned more than almost anything else is how we are very fragile people, and we need to easier on ourselves. It’s important that we do our best to be better ourselves, but when we fail or fall, we shouldn’t give up.

Before Ramadan began, I wrote out a list of goals I had set out for myself. I was determined to let go of some bad habits, develop some new ones, and establish a stronger relationship with Allah. I have to say, it has been a lot tougher than I had anticipated. I figured that if I gave myself a strict schedule, or if I wrote a list of tasks every day and worked on every task one at a time, I’d reach my goals very easily. Then, reality punched me in the face. And for that, I am thankful. You see, I realized that those approaches to reaching my goals were great, but I had to be prepared for the journey of accomplishing them. That meant that I would fall, that I would mess up, that I would make mistakes, and that the key was that I didn’t let that stop me from trying again.

Often, especially considering we live in a time of the need for instant gratification, we become upset with ourselves and get discouraged when something doesn’t work after our first attempt at it. That can be self-destructive, as I’ve learned through my last two weeks’ experiences. See, I would be pumped, ecstatic to reach my goals, but upon having a single hiccup in the process, I would get discouraged or pulled back from wanting to try again. This was a huge reminder to me, especially since I often tell clients, “Allah doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He expects us to simply try to be our best.” Looking back, I can’t believe how true that statement rang for me. I needed that reminder that we are capable of anything in our lives, and we are here for the journey.

I remember hearing a lecture, in which the speaker mentioned a story about Umar ibn Al-Khattab, one of the Prophet (SAW)’s closest friends and the second Caliph of Islam. The speaker mentioned that Umar never concerned himself with the end result of his supplication, whether or not it would be answered, or would be in favour of his desires. Instead, he focused on constructing his dua (supplication) in the best way that he could. This concept made me think, not only in regards to my need to be better with my dua, but also in regards to how I lead my life and strive to become a better man and a better Muslim. I learned that in our lives, it’s important that we keep moving forward, no matter how many times we fall, because it is those same fallings that strengthen our character, as well as our drive and connection to our goals.

Life is something that we cannot always plan for. We plan and Allah plans, and He is the best of planners. What we should focus on is how we react to our experiences. Do we take a optimistic and positive approach to it, or do we wallow in our grief and give up? Remember that Allah has promised us in the Quran that He will not burden us with more than we can bear, so take His Promise as your security blanket, and then go out there and take risks to accomplish your goals. Push yourself beyond your comfort zone. And when the fear of failure presents itself, push it aside and go after your goals.

This Ramadan has been great so far, Alhamdulillah, but with only half of it left, I hope to go above and beyond what I’ve been doing so far to make the most of every moment. I pray that Allah grants all of us ease and success in our goals, and that He allows us all the opportunity to see the next Ramadan with stronger hearts, more faith-enriched souls, and with success in new goals that we never even thought we could consider pursuing. Ameen!

More Than Mediocre
More Than Mediocre 1440 964 Nadir Keval

As children, most of us are privileged and fortunate enough to hear and believe that we are capable of accomplishing anything we put our minds to. Our minds are free, full of imagination and limitless possibilities. We don’t concern ourselves with the opinions of others, or the risks of failure. We simply follow our hearts and intuition, and move freely towards what we want, driven to get what we want, no matter the costs.

Then, we begin to interact with people. We begin to see that our dreams and goals are something others have attempted and have failed at. We begin to question if it’s really worth it to take so many risks. We learn about the way things are “supposed” to be, and how we’re “supposed” to live our lives, and are brainwashed into believing that there isn’t much out there for us to achieve, beyond what has already been accomplished by others. Honestly, to call this bullshit would be an insult to bullshit.

Growing up, I was the type of person that had a great deal of potential, and would be reminded of it often by teachers and relatives. The problem, however, was that I would be placed in the most conventional and typical scenarios to fulfill that potential, that I wasn’t able to find a space where I was able to be my true self. In the eyes of teachers and relatives, I was an academic flop, but simply for the reason that they believed I wasn’t trying hard enough. Parent-Teacher interviews usually went like this:

Teacher: Nadir is one of the best young men I’ve met. He’s smart, he’s intelligent, he gets along well with others, and he is always there to help when needed.

Parents: (grinning) Thank you.

Teacher: But…he seems to be very distracted in class, is often late with his assignments, and seems to struggle with tests, even if he understands the material.

Parents: Oh…

The conversation would then lead to my parents asking the teacher how they could help me, the teacher suggesting tutoring, a schedule, my parents checking and signing my homework book every night, etc. I tried every single one of those things, but nothing seemed to work. It worked for some others, but for me, it just didn’t work. This continued all the way into university, until I came to a point of making the conscious decision to find a new way.

That was when things seemed brighter in my eyes, despite the fact that I was now being called, “A jack of all trades, and a master of none.” That didn’t sit well with me, because I knew that it was possible for me to become more than just one thing. I didn’t want to be mediocre. I looked at the lives of those around me and those I heard about on TV or in the dreadful gossip circles you see at most events. Most people seemed to be miserable with their lives. They hated their jobs, they had lost all romance in their relationships (if they were in one at all – some find singlehood to be the ideal lifestyle, by the way…for me, having someone to share a life with and to be completely comfortable with is one of the most beautiful things life has to offer), they always wanted what they didn’t have and were upset and unsatisfied with what they did have. I looked at that and saw horrifying examples of what following the societal path to “success” looked like.

I decided that enough was enough. I decided that I would go after my goals, and create more dreams and goals as I went along. I decided that if someone told me that I would never be able to accomplish one of my goals, it would then be a personal challenge to make sure that I accomplish it, simply so I can know in my heart that I’m capable of more than what’s expected of me.

I quickly learned that being mediocre was something that just didn’t work for me. I believe I am destined for greatness, destined to be more than mediocre. Why let others dictate what I am and am not capable of?

“Never let anyone’s thoughts, words, or actions towards you dictate the value of your life. Do right by God and do right by you. Focus on those two things and, by the will of God, the rest will come together in the best way possible.” – Nadir Keval

The world is filled with people with lives that are so incredibly similar, while having the potential of being so incredibly unique. What takes us away from being the best we can be is the fact that we become accustomed to living according to what others tell us is okay, acceptable, and realistic. Personally, I call bullshit on that again! I often tell this to my mentoring clients, and I’ll share it with all of you: The key to success lies in a balance of two things…knowledge of your beliefs and values with the action to back it up, balanced with a ridiculously driven and unfaltering work ethic towards making your dreams and goals a reality.

I hope you can take this information and go after your dreams, knowing that every single one of us is capable of being far more than mediocre. You have your own unique purpose in this world, and the best way you can achieve it is by never giving up on becoming better at being you. I’d love to hear your stories on how you’ve come up against the challenges of being your best you, and how you dealt with it. Leave a comment below to get the conversation started!

Quit Quitting
Quit Quitting 4288 2848 Nadir Keval

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life quitting – afraid of what others may say if I failed or if I made a mistake, if I didn’t do things the same way others would, or sometimes, if I made others look bad by doing something better than they did. I figured, why bother with taking all those risks? If I just make up some excuse, I’ll be alright and won’t be the laughing stock or the enemy of those around me. It just seemed safer that way. Little did I know that after spending years with that state of mind, I would be left feeling so unaccomplished and unsatisfied with myself that I would almost give up on living life itself, and would simply accept an existence for the sake of existing.

Perhaps it’s human nature, or something instilled in me specifically that needed to be excavated after years of living under a thick layer of guilt for the sake of others, but eventually I had had enough. It wasn’t until I started to feel sorry for myself that I realized that I was accepting a pathetic approach to life, and that I needed to change. I had two choices: give up completely or break through my comfort zone and get the happiness I know I deserved. To be honest, this is something I have to remind myself of every once in a while, even now, because it had become so natural to me to evade challenges and risk. Funny to hear that coming from an entrepreneur and artist, but I guess that deep down, I chose these career and life paths because they were the ones that compelled me to break through my shell and find my true strengths and life-purpose.

It’s funny, because at times, I would see these pictures of people lifting weights and working out, talking about how they were once living unhealthy and unhappy lives, and that one day they just decided that enough was enough, leading to them making these remarkable changes you would think were meant to be part of those fake before and after pictures you see on infomercials. I would look at these people, read their profiles online, watch their interviews and whatnot, and would be left feeling inspired to make a change in my own life. Then, just as quickly, I would realize that I had no idea how to actually make that change. The same applied towards those entrepreneurs you hear or read about, that became successful after working hard at their crafts and becoming the successes they aspired to become. I looked at all of these people around me that were getting things done while I sat here feeling sorry for myself that I was “trying” but wasn’t getting anywhere.

That’s when I realized two things:

  1. Everyone has his or her own time. Sure, some people may find something you struggle with to come easy, but you may find something they struggle with to come easy. So, instead of worrying about others and why things are working out for them instead of you, stop your complaining, embrace and enjoy what you have and where you are in life, and move forward. Do your part to acquire what you’re aspiring towards (with wisdom), and then put it aside in your mind and focus on the other things you can influence. When the time’s right for you, what’s meant for you will fall into place.
  2. You cannot just look at the end result of someone’s journey. To truly appreciate and learn from someone’s journey, and to be not only inspired but also motivated to do something with what you’ve learned through their success, you must take their entire journey into account. Many of us see the flowery and beautiful end results, and they shine so bright that we become blinded to the true and grimy struggle they had to go through to get to where they are. Be willing to rough it through the struggles of success, and recognize that hard work is a simple understatement to describe what it really takes to achieve your dreams. If you’re not willing to work THAT hard for it, you don’t want it bad enough, so first, make yourself want it more, then work your butt off to make it happen.

These thoughts and experiences helped me come to terms with my own self and my own journey. I realized that instead of quitting for the sake of others, or worrying about whether I’ll fail or succeed, I just needed to do my best in my own way to get what I want. I want to get into better shape, so instead of feeling sorry for myself for not enjoying or tolerating the same workouts my friends did to get in shape, I’m going to find my own path towards achieving my ideal. In this case, for example, I love to cook (if you’ve seen any of my Instagram pics, you’d know how much I love to adventure into the world of culinary arts), and so I use that strength and asset towards helping me get into shape. I also love martial arts and more hands-on activities like hiking, biking, fishing, and building things, and so I use those as my ways to stay active. Those are my starting challenge points, and when I’m ready, I’ll challenge myself to take it a step further and do more, insha Allah (God-willing). My point is, we all have things we enjoy, and there is no universal way to get everything done. Pave your own path and don’t stop till you get to your destination. Then, set a new goal and keeping paving. You don’t always have to know where every step you take towards that path will land. God will reveal those things to you as they come – you just have to be open to accepting the good from them and putting aside the negative thoughts from the whispers of Shaitaan (Satan) or those of the people around you. Your family and friends may mean well, but if their approach doesn’t work for you, it’s okay to steer clear – you don’t have time, and they probably don’t have interest in changing their entire selves just to accommodate your needs. Success and happiness are subjective, so why look to others to validate those things? Only you and God know what’s in your heart and what truly makes you happy, so keep that conversation between the two of you.

Photo credit: iyuphoto via Flickr

Wandering Heart
Wandering Heart 1600 1200 Nadir Keval

When reading the word “heart” in a title, it usually means that you’re going to be reading about something related to love and relationships. In this case, however, that is far from the case. In the last little while, I have struggled with my own happiness. I’ve been unsure of so much, and with having lived a lifetime feeling as though I am destined to fail due to the opinions of many around me and through my own “downfalls” in life, everything seemed to have piled up and beat me to the ground. Fortunately, I had my faith holding me above the water, as well as some family and friends that helped me stay afloat, but overall, in my relationship with myself, I have been insecure and severely lacking confidence.

It’s funny how ironic my situation had become, being a person who has lived most of his life helping people through comforting and advising, to be the same person who needs comfort, advice, and help. Ah, how things often work out. I have faced many difficult times, especially in the emotional and mental realm. Still, I personally look at it as a blessing, because it is only through having truly experienced the ups and downs of life that I’m able to help others in similar situations. Of course, there is plenty I have not or have yet to face, but I believe that for all of us, what we face is simply God’s gift to us. Not only does what we face build us in strength and character, but it acts as evidence to the fact that there is nothing God places in our path that we are incapable of overcoming.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” – Quran (2:286)

The struggles and successes are drawn out paths towards strength and success, a blessing from God. It’s just a matter of us believing in ourselves enough to pull through and push forward.

What I’ve faced throughout most of my life is being very different from the rest. How I’ve approached every aspect of my life has made me an outcast in most cases. From my childhood when I was more intrigued by contemplation and solitude than by sports and competition, to my youth when I wouldn’t indulge or even try things like drugs and alcohol as many of my former peers did, to my adulthood when I would approach a career and lifestyle in a way that was so far from the norm that only a small percentage of the world’s population pursues. These differences made it difficult for me to relate to anyone, thus reducing the number of people I was able to connect with and share a beneficial relationship with. Those who did stay around me often made me feel as though I was a failure or that I was living in a fantasy because of my approaches towards life. They used their pessimism and lack of patience and understanding to make me feel as though I was destined to be left behind while others my age became successful.

All of these had broken me time and time again, and this last time, I felt as though there were too many shattered pieces for me to stand a chance at rebuilding. I was so unsure of everything happening in my life that it was as though I had entered some form of paralysis. I didn’t know what to do, and if I gave my mind the opportunity to dig deeper into that hole of thought, I began to fall in, ultimately entering a freefall with no parachute to save me from a fatal impact. The fall was long, until I realized that since this is a matter of my mind, I was able to create a “parachute” and use it to land safely before beginning my ascension back up to stable ground.

This is when every thought in my mind was bridged together, and a solution was seen. I was missing the glue that connected it all together, and made me who I am. I realized that it is my mind that is perhaps my greatest asset – eternal gratitude and praise is due to Allah for it. I now understand and accept that the purpose of my being and my mind is not to be embraced or supported. I need to simply live, love, and dream. I have to do that with all that I am. God will handle the rest. He will bring those meant to be in my heart towards me, and will distance me from those who could harm me. All praise is due to Him.

Since recognizing this, I now find myself breaking out of the vicious cycle of unhappiness and negativity, and I can feel the weight of the world (that my mind had created or allowed to fester and grow) leaving me. I focus now solely on spreading happiness and seeking happiness through doing what pleases me, within the bounds of what pleases Allah, as He is the One from whom I have received the gift that is my life.

The Average
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It’s no surprise that people today are at either end of the spectrum, extremely “normal” or extremely “abnormal”. What I mean by that is that if you look at the majority of the world, people spend most of their time living like robots, systematically designed to follow a particular path towards supposed success, while there are the other few, a smaller percentage of today’s population that are so far out there that they catch the attention of the public and are recognized for their “outlandish behavior” because they choose to pursue their own paths and want to be seen doing it.

Strike a Balance

To be more than average requires us to find a balance between the two extremes. To recognize that there are some aspects of life that require us to maintain submission or embracement of the rules and the norms, while also pursuing what pleases us and fulfills our passions, despite the expectations or opinions of others. I say others instead of society because we don’t often concern ourselves with society as a whole, but rather, concern ourselves with the “others” that surround us every day.  This balance isn’t one that is easy to come by because of the overwhelming temptation and pressure of succumbing to what is easier and more readily available and laid out for us to pursue. Why go through the forest without a map if a path has already been made, proven as being “correct”, and is what everybody else is taking to get to the proverbial “treasure chest”? Well, that brings me to my next point…

Be You

It sounds cliché, but it’s a reality that needs to be accepted and embraced by everyone. It’s definitely not easy to attain, but being yourself requires recognizing that there are some aspects of your life, including faith, societal laws, and a basic moral code that should abide by an understood and laid out plan to maintain humanity. Without those particular rules not only in existence but in practice as well, individuals and society as a whole would run amuck, with people harming, if not killing others out of sheer idiocy, ignorance, or personal agendas, or with people doing whatever they please without having to hold any accountability for their actions. Yet, these rules and guidelines should not define you in your entirety. You are an individual, which means you have traits that make you unique. That said, it is on you to make sure that you pursue those traits and make the most of them, because ultimately, we live in a self-serving society, and not many are willing to let others stand out if it means that they themselves will be left behind. This sounds cynical, but I believe it to be optimistic realism instead. The reason I say this is because it is human nature to do what is necessary to survive, and to survive in today’s world often compels people to push even those closest to them under the bus. Yet, there is hope, because by being yourself, you no longer have to worry about competing with others because you are too busy competing with your past self. When you focus on establishing your own identity, independent of the expectations or opinions of others, you become an elite in your category because you become your own category of personality. There is no one that will be able to completely emulate you, and although there will be attempts to do so, because you pursuing your own self-made identity is admirable, and thus desirable to those who follow rather than lead, no one will ever be you.

This leads to that question of why one would enter a forest without a map or path to follow, when it is proven path to success. Simply put, I would much rather enjoy the experience of running through the forest, making mistakes, getting lost and finding my way, tripping over branches, feeling the cracking of twigs and the mushing of moss below my feet, and hearing the gusts of the wind and the nature’s song through the chirps of birds, than to walk a dead, quiet, and boring path towards so-called success and happiness. Success and happiness are two things I believe to be relative and unique to each individual, so if we all follow the same path, what will be all that exciting about our ultimate “success” and “happiness”?

Push Beyond Limits

This is where you stand out most. I think I’ve made my point of the importance of doing things in your own way, while following base rules and guidelines on the aspects of life that structure our minds. But, that simply makes us different. What makes us stand out is our efforts and attempts to go above and beyond to do what it takes to be our best. That means that if you’re trying to become a painter, you do more than you did yesterday in an effort to strengthen your craft. If you want to become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, or anything else that requires a formal education, don’t just learn from what’s given to you. Go find books, fall in love with the library, volunteer at different places, and ultimately strengthen your knowledge in your field. THIS is what will make you stand out amongst the crowd. That said, if in this process, you compare yourself to others, you will always be left behind someone at some point. Rather, if you simply make your past self your only competition, you will pursue knowledge, application, and overall betterment for the sake of your love for it, and not for rankings in some tally of individuals unknowingly becoming robotic stats on a sheet.

Ultimately, my point is this: Strike a balance of following rules and guidelines with finding your own path towards your pursuits. Don’t let the expectations, opinions, or experiences of others pull or tempt you towards taking a certain path, but instead, make your own path. And finally, push beyond your limits and do what is necessary for you to reach the heights of success by being better than your past you. These are my steps towards success, and although the journey is bumpier, more dangerous, and takes longer, it has and will continue to leave me content and in love with life, insha Allah (God-willing).

Question: Why are some people tested more than others?
Question: Why are some people tested more than others? 1681 1189 Nadir Keval

Question:

It seems unfair at times as you seem to have it all. May Allah bless you with more inshaAllah, but at times I find it all too much as you really seem to have a great life. A great family, good food, great job… Why are some people tested more than the others. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t envy you but can’t help but wonder. Why you, why not me?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah grant you contentment and satisfaction with Allah, His Decree, and His Provision, and bless you with the heights of happiness and success in this life and the Next. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, I do have a great life, but this should not be misconstrued as being a life without struggle, strife, and challenges. I have experienced many different phases in my life, including health scares, desperation for enough food to eat in a day, heartbreak, family discourse, and more. For all of it, I say, with all sincerity, Alhamdulillah.

What makes my life seem so great is the approach I take towards it, wa lillahil hamd. I believe in being grateful for all that we have and recognizing that there may be some things that happen in our lives that we don’t necessarily want or expect, but those are often the same things we later learn to be amongst the most beneficial towards our growth and happiness.

The question of why some are tested more than others is often asked, and has many responses based on wisdom. The first thing to understand though, before addressing that question, is that tests come in different forms. Just because a person gains wealth, does not mean that they are not being tested. Their test comes in how they use that wealth, and whether or not they show gratitude for what Allah has blessed them with. Just because a person’s life seems to be in order, doesn’t mean that they aren’t being tested in their own capacity.

Some of the many reasons for some people being “tested” more than others include:

  • Allah is protecting you from something. For years, I have wanted to get married, but things haven’t panned out, and often I’ve been left hurt, betrayed, and changed. In situations like that, I am getting tested, and being saved. The test comes in how I deal with the situation, and being saved comes from the fact that I look back at the experiences I had with those individuals, or look at where they are now, and recognize that I have been blessed to have not gotten married to them because of who they truly were then or who they are now.
  • The time for your success is not ideal yet, and Allah is preparing you for that time. It took me many years to see my businesses reach any level of success. During that proves, I was tested with patience, perseverance, and reliance on Allah. It was a trying time, and after hard work and a lot of time spent in prayer and supplication, weeping and seeking the help of Allah, I got what I was looking for. The difference though was that I got what I needed and not necessarily what I wanted, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
  • You are being strengthened. It often takes years for most people before they see success. During this time, they are given the option of becoming stronger or giving up. Those who choose to become stronger begin to work harder, build their patience, and increase their threshold for struggle. Betterment is always a blessing, so it’d be wise to make the most of it.
  • You are being given the opportunity to grow closer to Allah. It was definitely through the hardships and struggles I faced when it came to my health, relationships, and career, that I grew closest to Allah. I knew that I was being tested and that Allah wouldn’t forsake me, because He knows that in the depths of my heart, I know that He is the only One that could ever save me from my misery. And so, I increased my worship, worked harder than ever, and trained my mind to understand and accept that Allah is going to take care of me as long as I recognize Him to be above everything and my closest friend.

Akhi/Ukhti, it’s important to understand that whatever trials and tribulations we go through, as well as any success we may experience are all blessings and tests at the same time. My life is only the way it is not because of an absence of trials and tribulations, but because of a connection with Allah that I have worked a long time to establish, and will be working the rest of my life to completely perfect. I have my down times, I have my moments of despair and desperation, but that is because I am human and capable of error. Not because I have more talent, skill, or even Love from Allah. I don’t quantify those things in my life. Instead, I just work hard at everything I do, and make Islam my core.

So, my advice to you, if you’re going through a tough time and need an out is to remember and apply the lessons from this verse:

“And whoever has cognizance of Allah – He will make for him a way out…and will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

Applying this means building a relationship with Allah so that you become completely cognizant of all that He is capable of, and thus, become patient and content as you strive and wait for your efforts to pay off. Build on your faith and relationship with Allah, work incredibly hard, and be patient. You are in the blessed month of Ramadan, so take advantage of this opportunity to build your faith and make Islam the core of every aspect of your life. I wrote about this in a recent article, which I feel you may benefit from: “The Seed Of All Success”

Finally, remember the hadith of the Prophet (SAW), where he said:

“No soul will die until it has received its provision in full and completed its allotted lifespan.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

So, don’t worry about where you are in life right now. Be grateful for it because Allah has His Wisdom behind it. And take this as an opportunity to grow closer to Allah, to grow stronger in your character, and to take this time to make the most of everything you’ve been blessed with. Dwell not on the things that bring you hardship, but find hope in that which you have been blessed with, good and bad.

I hope this answers your question. Jazakallahu khairun for the admiration and dua. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

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