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Nadir Keval

Wandering Heart
Wandering Heart 1600 1200 Nadir Keval

When reading the word “heart” in a title, it usually means that you’re going to be reading about something related to love and relationships. In this case, however, that is far from the case. In the last little while, I have struggled with my own happiness. I’ve been unsure of so much, and with having lived a lifetime feeling as though I am destined to fail due to the opinions of many around me and through my own “downfalls” in life, everything seemed to have piled up and beat me to the ground. Fortunately, I had my faith holding me above the water, as well as some family and friends that helped me stay afloat, but overall, in my relationship with myself, I have been insecure and severely lacking confidence.

It’s funny how ironic my situation had become, being a person who has lived most of his life helping people through comforting and advising, to be the same person who needs comfort, advice, and help. Ah, how things often work out. I have faced many difficult times, especially in the emotional and mental realm. Still, I personally look at it as a blessing, because it is only through having truly experienced the ups and downs of life that I’m able to help others in similar situations. Of course, there is plenty I have not or have yet to face, but I believe that for all of us, what we face is simply God’s gift to us. Not only does what we face build us in strength and character, but it acts as evidence to the fact that there is nothing God places in our path that we are incapable of overcoming.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” – Quran (2:286)

The struggles and successes are drawn out paths towards strength and success, a blessing from God. It’s just a matter of us believing in ourselves enough to pull through and push forward.

What I’ve faced throughout most of my life is being very different from the rest. How I’ve approached every aspect of my life has made me an outcast in most cases. From my childhood when I was more intrigued by contemplation and solitude than by sports and competition, to my youth when I wouldn’t indulge or even try things like drugs and alcohol as many of my former peers did, to my adulthood when I would approach a career and lifestyle in a way that was so far from the norm that only a small percentage of the world’s population pursues. These differences made it difficult for me to relate to anyone, thus reducing the number of people I was able to connect with and share a beneficial relationship with. Those who did stay around me often made me feel as though I was a failure or that I was living in a fantasy because of my approaches towards life. They used their pessimism and lack of patience and understanding to make me feel as though I was destined to be left behind while others my age became successful.

All of these had broken me time and time again, and this last time, I felt as though there were too many shattered pieces for me to stand a chance at rebuilding. I was so unsure of everything happening in my life that it was as though I had entered some form of paralysis. I didn’t know what to do, and if I gave my mind the opportunity to dig deeper into that hole of thought, I began to fall in, ultimately entering a freefall with no parachute to save me from a fatal impact. The fall was long, until I realized that since this is a matter of my mind, I was able to create a “parachute” and use it to land safely before beginning my ascension back up to stable ground.

This is when every thought in my mind was bridged together, and a solution was seen. I was missing the glue that connected it all together, and made me who I am. I realized that it is my mind that is perhaps my greatest asset – eternal gratitude and praise is due to Allah for it. I now understand and accept that the purpose of my being and my mind is not to be embraced or supported. I need to simply live, love, and dream. I have to do that with all that I am. God will handle the rest. He will bring those meant to be in my heart towards me, and will distance me from those who could harm me. All praise is due to Him.

Since recognizing this, I now find myself breaking out of the vicious cycle of unhappiness and negativity, and I can feel the weight of the world (that my mind had created or allowed to fester and grow) leaving me. I focus now solely on spreading happiness and seeking happiness through doing what pleases me, within the bounds of what pleases Allah, as He is the One from whom I have received the gift that is my life.

The Average
The Average 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

It’s no surprise that people today are at either end of the spectrum, extremely “normal” or extremely “abnormal”. What I mean by that is that if you look at the majority of the world, people spend most of their time living like robots, systematically designed to follow a particular path towards supposed success, while there are the other few, a smaller percentage of today’s population that are so far out there that they catch the attention of the public and are recognized for their “outlandish behavior” because they choose to pursue their own paths and want to be seen doing it.

Strike a Balance

To be more than average requires us to find a balance between the two extremes. To recognize that there are some aspects of life that require us to maintain submission or embracement of the rules and the norms, while also pursuing what pleases us and fulfills our passions, despite the expectations or opinions of others. I say others instead of society because we don’t often concern ourselves with society as a whole, but rather, concern ourselves with the “others” that surround us every day.  This balance isn’t one that is easy to come by because of the overwhelming temptation and pressure of succumbing to what is easier and more readily available and laid out for us to pursue. Why go through the forest without a map if a path has already been made, proven as being “correct”, and is what everybody else is taking to get to the proverbial “treasure chest”? Well, that brings me to my next point…

Be You

It sounds cliché, but it’s a reality that needs to be accepted and embraced by everyone. It’s definitely not easy to attain, but being yourself requires recognizing that there are some aspects of your life, including faith, societal laws, and a basic moral code that should abide by an understood and laid out plan to maintain humanity. Without those particular rules not only in existence but in practice as well, individuals and society as a whole would run amuck, with people harming, if not killing others out of sheer idiocy, ignorance, or personal agendas, or with people doing whatever they please without having to hold any accountability for their actions. Yet, these rules and guidelines should not define you in your entirety. You are an individual, which means you have traits that make you unique. That said, it is on you to make sure that you pursue those traits and make the most of them, because ultimately, we live in a self-serving society, and not many are willing to let others stand out if it means that they themselves will be left behind. This sounds cynical, but I believe it to be optimistic realism instead. The reason I say this is because it is human nature to do what is necessary to survive, and to survive in today’s world often compels people to push even those closest to them under the bus. Yet, there is hope, because by being yourself, you no longer have to worry about competing with others because you are too busy competing with your past self. When you focus on establishing your own identity, independent of the expectations or opinions of others, you become an elite in your category because you become your own category of personality. There is no one that will be able to completely emulate you, and although there will be attempts to do so, because you pursuing your own self-made identity is admirable, and thus desirable to those who follow rather than lead, no one will ever be you.

This leads to that question of why one would enter a forest without a map or path to follow, when it is proven path to success. Simply put, I would much rather enjoy the experience of running through the forest, making mistakes, getting lost and finding my way, tripping over branches, feeling the cracking of twigs and the mushing of moss below my feet, and hearing the gusts of the wind and the nature’s song through the chirps of birds, than to walk a dead, quiet, and boring path towards so-called success and happiness. Success and happiness are two things I believe to be relative and unique to each individual, so if we all follow the same path, what will be all that exciting about our ultimate “success” and “happiness”?

Push Beyond Limits

This is where you stand out most. I think I’ve made my point of the importance of doing things in your own way, while following base rules and guidelines on the aspects of life that structure our minds. But, that simply makes us different. What makes us stand out is our efforts and attempts to go above and beyond to do what it takes to be our best. That means that if you’re trying to become a painter, you do more than you did yesterday in an effort to strengthen your craft. If you want to become a doctor, lawyer, engineer, accountant, or anything else that requires a formal education, don’t just learn from what’s given to you. Go find books, fall in love with the library, volunteer at different places, and ultimately strengthen your knowledge in your field. THIS is what will make you stand out amongst the crowd. That said, if in this process, you compare yourself to others, you will always be left behind someone at some point. Rather, if you simply make your past self your only competition, you will pursue knowledge, application, and overall betterment for the sake of your love for it, and not for rankings in some tally of individuals unknowingly becoming robotic stats on a sheet.

Ultimately, my point is this: Strike a balance of following rules and guidelines with finding your own path towards your pursuits. Don’t let the expectations, opinions, or experiences of others pull or tempt you towards taking a certain path, but instead, make your own path. And finally, push beyond your limits and do what is necessary for you to reach the heights of success by being better than your past you. These are my steps towards success, and although the journey is bumpier, more dangerous, and takes longer, it has and will continue to leave me content and in love with life, insha Allah (God-willing).

Video: Working From Home Or An Office
Video: Working From Home Or An Office 1911 1019 Nadir Keval

I spend a lot of my life working, but am fortunate enough to love what I do so much that I rarely feel like I’m working. With that, it becomes a greater challenge to differentiate between work life and home life. Finding that balance is tricky, so I wanted to ask all of you. Would you prefer working from home or an office, and what are your reasons? Leave a comment and let’s talk.

Be sure to subscribe, and to like and share the video with your friends! Remember to also let me know what other types of videos you’d like to see from me.

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Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right?
Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right? 2000 1125 Nadir Keval

My last article, “Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam” got A LOT of readers and feedback, Alhamdulillah. Opened my eyes to how many people really struggle with the issue. One particular question I received stood out to me most, inclining me towards sharing it with all of you.

The Question:

okay, about that marital affair thingy, what if someone has done something that according to your post is wrong and that someone wants to make things right? is there any chance they can do things right? if they are still in that relationship and they regret doing what they did?

The Response:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Often, we find ourselves feeling as though we are unable to turn back, or have no chance at repentance, but the truth of the matter is, repentance is always an option. As Allah says in the Quran:

“And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity (i.e. commit Shirk) or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated – Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” – (25:68-70)

Notice that in this verse alone, you see that Allah promises His Forgiveness and Mercy for those who do three things:

  1. Repent: to repent is to not only seek forgiveness, but to make a sincere effort to not repeat the action that inclined you to repent
  2. Believe: it is one thing to claim that we are strong in faith, and it’s another to apply all that we know and to make it a part of what makes us who we are – ensure that worship and obedience of Allah is the core of your existence, and that every aspect of your life including your career, your relationships (with family, a potential spouse, friends, etc.), your health, etc. are all tailored around your faith.
  3. Do righteous work: taking steps towards making an effort to do righteous work through following the examples and guidelines in the Quran and Sunnah – doing righteous work is a way of showing Allah that you want to get closer to Him, want to increase your good deeds to outweigh sin, and that you want to make a change in your lifestyle

I am not a sheikh or scholar, and this explanation is not one of Tafseer that I have studied. It is rather, my understanding on the topic based on what I have learned of Islam over years of attending Halaqas, discussing the topic with scholars and students of Islam, and counseling.

What I would suggest to you is to do what I mentioned above, based on the verses. If you and the person with whom you committed zina are interested in pursuing marriage, cleanse the situation by keeping your distance from each other, meeting only in the presence of a mahram, and take steps towards marriage in a way that is in accordance to the Quran and Sunnah. If this is something that the other person is not pleased with, remember that there is no value in the obedience of the creation if it leads to the disobedience of the Creator. Also, this will bring clarity to you as to how good this person would be for you in the case of marriage. Remember, marriage in Islam plays many roles, one of which is to be a source of inspiration and support as the couple works towards righteousness and ultimately, a place in Jannah.

I hope this answers your question. If you’d like to follow up, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com and we can set up an appointment to discuss things more. I look forward to hearing from you, insha Allah. Take care of yourself.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam
Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam 1200 567 Nadir Keval

So, earlier today, I answered a question that brought me more concern than I’ve felt in a very long time. A young girl, mid-teens, asked a question about sex. To keep her safe and to respect her, I have chosen to keep her identity anonymous. What makes this scarier for me is that it hits close to home, because one of my sisters is about the same age as her. The question (posted below) is one that is most likely common amongst Muslim youth, especially living in today’s society (at least from what I know of here in North America). I wouldn’t be surprised if it’s a worldwide issue. Either way, I thought it would be wise to share my thoughts and understanding of the issue with all of you, as well as to take this as an opportunity for fellow Muslims to kindly and wisely express their thoughts and suggestions to the young sister that is trying to do the right thing in a very emotionally fragile and sensitive issue. You can post your comments in the section below the article. That said, any harsh, insensitive, or negative comments will be deleted immediately.

Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam (pic)

My Response:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak. Insha Allah, you’re doing well. No need to feel embarrassed. In fact, I’m glad to hear that you’re taking steps to ensure that you’re doing everything correctly, according to Islam.

When it comes to the relationships between men and women, it’s important to understand that the relationship between any two people of the opposite gender is always considered to be unlawful unless the person is their mahram (through being married to the person, or if the person is a person that falls under the descriptions in this Ayah from the Quran: “… and not to reveal their adornment except to their husbands, or their fathers, or their husband’s fathers, or their sons, or their husband’s sons, or their brothers or their brother’s sons, or their sister’s sons…” [al-Noor 24:31]).

About the two of you engaging in anything sexual, it would be haram to do so. Intention is definitely a major factor, but it is not the sole reasoning behind whether something counts as a good or bad deed.

“Allah has decreed for every son of Adam his share of zina (adultery, fornication), which he will inevitably commit. The zina of the eyes is looking, the zina of the tongue is speaking, one may wish and desire, and the private parts confirm that or deny it.”  – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

(I had misquoted this Hadith in the actual response, but I have corrected it here. Still, the lesson was the same.)

The Quran also states:

“And come not near to unlawful sex. Verily, it is a Faahishah (i.e. anything that transgresses its limits: a great sin, and an evil way that leads one to hell unless Allaah Forgives him)” – [al-Isra’ 17:32]

These two points show us that Islam not only forbids pre-marital relations between a man and woman, but also explicitly reminds us to avoid even coming near them.

What I would recommend is that you and the brother, if you are both sincerely interested in marriage, to keep your distance from one another as much as possible, and only meet and communicate with the presence of a mahram. If you feel you need to keep in touch, keep it minimal, and avoid things like sensual speech, pet names, and excessive talk.

I know that this is all probably extremely hard to hear, and you may not want to act on it because of that, but as you are sincerely wanting to learn the right approach and want to avoid sin and falling into difficulty in the future, this is something you’ll have to take heed in. I know how hard it can be. I’ve been there before as well, and I assure you, this is what brings to light the true nature and intentions of individuals, and is what makes clear the truth of where one’s heart lies.

Until you are both ready to get married, keep your interaction to a minimum within the bounds of Islam as mentioned above. I pray that the brother supports you in this. If he does not, I ask you from the depths of my heart and as a person who has three younger sisters, please do not act in any way based on your emotions, but rather, put your trust and heart in Allah’s Hands. He will give you what’s best for you. Remember, we want what will benefit us most in this life and the Hereafter, and sometimes, what we want doesn’t coincide with that. Grow closer to Allah, and take steps from there.

If you would like to discuss this further, or have any more questions, you can contact me at mail@nadirkeval.com and we can go from there. I pray that Allah continues to guide you, ease your struggle and journey, and bless you with a husband, be it this man or someone better, who will inspire you towards greatness in every aspect of your life so that you may reach the heights of Jannah. Take care of yourself, and I hope to hear good news from you soon.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

A few more notes:

Parents, take these things seriously!

I wouldn’t be surprised (because I’ve witnessed it time and time again growing up) if the parents don’t even realize how serious the two people are. I’ve seen many parents joke with their kids about someone being like a husband or wife to their child, after the child becomes shy or mentions that they’ve got a crush on someone. It’s innocent until taken seriously. Problem is, a lot of parents today don’t realize what their children go through on a daily basis. Shoot, when I was 15, swearing was considered a horrifically gutsy thing to do. Now, having sex and being intimate with someone is considered not only a norm, but is almost a prerequisite for many cliques at the different schools around the nation.

In addition to this, many parents, especially those from “back home”, don’t take the time out to have the birds and the bees talk with their children, leaving their children with no defense against the temptations and pressures of living in the incredibly active sexual environments of schools today. I know it’s difficult to hear, parents, but pretending like it doesn’t exist won’t prepare your child in facing it when it hits them in the face like the reality it is. Start early, and discuss it with them before they enter the 8th grade. I fear that my generation will have to start speaking to their children about this alongside their basic multiplication timetables. Do this before it’s too late, because once your child is attached, it’ll be incredibly difficult to help them detach. And going to sheikhs and imams when you’re child isn’t listening to you anymore, is out dating, is sexually active, or even gets pregnant or gets someone pregnant, won’t be of any avail, because by then, it’ll be too late for anything other than divine intervention (i.e. if Allah chooses to guide them). At that point, it’ll be on you to remind them, make dua for them, and try your best to help them deal with the consequences of their and your actions. But that’s most likely all you’ll be able to do.

God-Fearing Is A Loosely Used Term

I hear this too often, especially amongst young Muslims that are looking to marry someone they’re “in love” with. I understand where they’re coming from, especially considering I was in their place once, and believed that love was something that could exist before marriage. Truth is, before marriage, it’s all lust. And your relationship with a person of the opposite gender, no matter your intentions, is that of strangers or acquaintances, at least until you get married. There are ways to get to know someone before marriage, but they must be maintained within the bounds of Islam, as mentioned in my response to the question above.

Also, keep in mind, that to be God-fearing means to be one who puts God first. If Allah has commanded that pre-marital relations are forbidden, then a God-fearing person wouldn’t be comfortable with pursuing anything that would incline him or her towards having any sexual or intimate relations before marriage. Now, I’m not claiming that the brother in the question isn’t God-fearing – I can’t open his heart and know his intention, but what I can say for certain is that knowledge is definitely lacking if he believes that intention is all that matters (I’ll talk more about that in a minute). Take the time out for the both of you to grow as individuals in both worldly and religious matters. A man and a woman should be in a position where they should be ready for marriage, but at such a young age, I highly doubt that he has the income to support a wife and home, or that either of you even have the religious or worldly knowledge of how to handle yourselves in your personal growth, let alone a relationship of marriage.

You’ve Heard It Before, But You’re Too Young!

Ask anyone who went through their teens, and they will tell you that there were so many occasions in which they though they had things under control and knew what they wanted out of life. They believed that everything was a now or never type thing, and that if they didn’t act now, they’d be missing out on a huge part of life. Now, ask them if they later realized that they were wrong, and most will tell you they were. Life is a journey. It’s not about getting things done as soon as possible, but it’s about making the most of what you aspire and hope for. So, when you go to school, have goals towards a career that you’ll love, then take your time and work towards it.  When it comes to relationships and marriage, recognize that who you’re meant to be with will be yours when the time is best for you, and instead of rushing through it and feeling like it’s the end of the world if you don’t end up with the person you like right now, take a moment, step away from it, and ask yourself if the person is truly right for you, and if that person will help you take the right steps towards becoming a better person and a better Muslim. If the person fails your tests of sacrificing certain desires (like sex) until after marriage, ask yourself how committed that person really is to you. Most likely, the person is acting on their hormones, and although I’m sure you’ve heard it before, in your teens and sometimes into your twenties, your hormones will be RAGING.

There is far too much to experience and enjoy in life before marriage, and it can be done successfully within the bounds of Islam as well. I’ll give you my own example: I’ve strived towards living my life to the fullest by enjoying every moment, but one of the key things that allows me to do that is accepting life as it comes, not rushing in to things, and working hard to build on myself and my faith. I’m not married yet, but because of this mindset, I’ve been able to accept what comes, and pray and wait patiently until Allah brings the right woman my way. I’ve had multiple moments in my past where I’ve felt that I found the right person, being the hopeless romantic I am, and was hurt and disappointed when things didn’t work out. But, I look back at those women or those circumstances and thank Allah because I now recognize how Allah saved me from what wouldn’t have been good for me.

“As long as your intention is pure…”

I was a teenager not too long ago, and I can tell you right now, especially as a guy, there’s one thing he’s looking for. Alhamdulillah, I grew up with Islam being the forefront of my life, and I know others who did the same, but when we were in our teens, there was always one main thing on our minds when it came to the opposite gender. Some may think it sounds gross, but it’s the truth. You wouldn’t believe how many people I know that fell for that line in their teens and ended up either pregnant or depressed when after fulfilling his desires, the guy left, got bored, or went on to live out his life in an attempt to avoid his responsibilities.

Intention is the first step, and action is the second. Purity of intention is based on its relation to what Allah has permitted and what He has prohibited. Regardless of how “pure” your intention is, if what you intend to do is haram, it’s haram. Simple as that.

Final Thoughts

This is something that is close to my heart, and makes me feel a great amount of worry and concern for future generations. As a man who has grown up with three younger sisters, and has experienced a great deal in the short life I’ve been blessed to live so far, I’ve faced a lot of ups and downs. One thing that I have learned is that the only solution and key to happiness is living out in a way that is most pleasing to Allah through the complete submission to Allah and practice of the Quran and Sunnah. I’ve felt the physical effects of not living that way, and I assure you, it’s not worth the fulfillment of any desire. And unfortunately, desires are a thing that once fulfilled will resurface quickly and with a greater pull. I pray that we, and the generations to come, can all live our lives in a way wherein we are happy and pleased through pleasing Allah. Ameen.

Question: I suffer from an eating disorder. Am I sinning and how can I get better?
Question: I suffer from an eating disorder. Am I sinning and how can I get better? 1600 1254 Nadir Keval

I contribute my articles, quotes, and input to one of the biggest Islamic blogs today, The Beauty Of Islam – an honour and privilege to say the least, Alhamdulillah. Through working with this site and my own counseling efforts, I have seen some things that truly reveal the hidden struggles many face every day, but are unable to bring to light in fear of ridicule or judgment, or because a lack of knowledge of where they should go for help.

A little while back, we received a message that inclined me towards wanting to post my response in hopes of being help to others who may be going through the same or a similar struggle. I will keep the question anonymous, so as to maintain the privacy of the person who asked this question. What saddens me most is that people are raised or conditioned to think that they are in sin for facing a problem that is not completely in their hands. We all have the ability and opportunity to grow and overcome, and we all must recognize that with sincerity in thought and action, Allah is capable of forgiving any and all sins. Situations like these (the question below), however, are more psychology and mental health related, and should not been seen sins per se.

I would love to hear feedback and more input on how I could help those who are going through this struggle or any other struggle like it. Please share your thoughts in the comments section below.

Question:

Salaams.. I’m a teenager.. I’m completely ashamed to admit this but I occasionally suffer from bulimia.. Does Islam guide one on how to eat? Or are there any fast quick effects to rid myself of an eating disorder because I know it’s a huge sin

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

First off, I would say, don’t be too hard on yourself. Refrain from considering yourself victimized or to be someone that is full of sin and incapable of recompense or revival.

What you are experiencing is one of many different struggles and challenges Muslims face on a daily basis. You are not alone in this, and there are others who have not only been in the same place as you, but have successfully overcome.

There are few things to change when it comes to matters like these, in order to see success. First and foremost is the recognition of there being the need for a change and a solution. Second, is to look at your body as being a gift from Allah, and to take care of that gift and give it its rights through providing it with the physical, mental, and spiritual nourishment it requires and deserves. Third, is to actually act on that knowledge.

In regards to eating well, the Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW) is to eat and drink as though your body is made of three components: food, drink, and air. He said that we should fill 1/3 of our stomachs with food, 1/3 with drink, and 1/3 with air.

As you eat, ensure that what you eat is in moderation, is healthy, and is enjoyable. Remember that in order for you to take care of the gift Allah has provided you (i.e. your body), you must fuel it regularly, take care of it, and not hurt it in any way.

In addition to this, focus on building your relationship with Allah. Increase your worship, pray more often (within the bounds of the Sunnah), and spend time with fellow Muslims.

These are just some of my tips. You may be contacted by one of the other Beauty of Islam admins for a response. I do, however, work as a mentor, and would be more than happy to work with you in helping you overcome. When you’re ready to, you’re more than welcome to contact me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can discuss things further, and work together to help you overcome this challenge you’ve been blessed with. Remember, there is nothing Allah allows into your life, that you are not capable of overcoming, or will not ultimately benefit you. I look forward to hearing back from you, insha Allah. Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

You can find more questions and answers like these on my Tumblr blog: nadirkeval.tumblr.com

Question: Why are some people tested more than others?
Question: Why are some people tested more than others? 1681 1189 Nadir Keval

Question:

It seems unfair at times as you seem to have it all. May Allah bless you with more inshaAllah, but at times I find it all too much as you really seem to have a great life. A great family, good food, great job… Why are some people tested more than the others. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t envy you but can’t help but wonder. Why you, why not me?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak! May Allah grant you contentment and satisfaction with Allah, His Decree, and His Provision, and bless you with the heights of happiness and success in this life and the Next. Ameen.

Alhamdulillah, I do have a great life, but this should not be misconstrued as being a life without struggle, strife, and challenges. I have experienced many different phases in my life, including health scares, desperation for enough food to eat in a day, heartbreak, family discourse, and more. For all of it, I say, with all sincerity, Alhamdulillah.

What makes my life seem so great is the approach I take towards it, wa lillahil hamd. I believe in being grateful for all that we have and recognizing that there may be some things that happen in our lives that we don’t necessarily want or expect, but those are often the same things we later learn to be amongst the most beneficial towards our growth and happiness.

The question of why some are tested more than others is often asked, and has many responses based on wisdom. The first thing to understand though, before addressing that question, is that tests come in different forms. Just because a person gains wealth, does not mean that they are not being tested. Their test comes in how they use that wealth, and whether or not they show gratitude for what Allah has blessed them with. Just because a person’s life seems to be in order, doesn’t mean that they aren’t being tested in their own capacity.

Some of the many reasons for some people being “tested” more than others include:

  • Allah is protecting you from something. For years, I have wanted to get married, but things haven’t panned out, and often I’ve been left hurt, betrayed, and changed. In situations like that, I am getting tested, and being saved. The test comes in how I deal with the situation, and being saved comes from the fact that I look back at the experiences I had with those individuals, or look at where they are now, and recognize that I have been blessed to have not gotten married to them because of who they truly were then or who they are now.
  • The time for your success is not ideal yet, and Allah is preparing you for that time. It took me many years to see my businesses reach any level of success. During that proves, I was tested with patience, perseverance, and reliance on Allah. It was a trying time, and after hard work and a lot of time spent in prayer and supplication, weeping and seeking the help of Allah, I got what I was looking for. The difference though was that I got what I needed and not necessarily what I wanted, and for that, I am eternally grateful.
  • You are being strengthened. It often takes years for most people before they see success. During this time, they are given the option of becoming stronger or giving up. Those who choose to become stronger begin to work harder, build their patience, and increase their threshold for struggle. Betterment is always a blessing, so it’d be wise to make the most of it.
  • You are being given the opportunity to grow closer to Allah. It was definitely through the hardships and struggles I faced when it came to my health, relationships, and career, that I grew closest to Allah. I knew that I was being tested and that Allah wouldn’t forsake me, because He knows that in the depths of my heart, I know that He is the only One that could ever save me from my misery. And so, I increased my worship, worked harder than ever, and trained my mind to understand and accept that Allah is going to take care of me as long as I recognize Him to be above everything and my closest friend.

Akhi/Ukhti, it’s important to understand that whatever trials and tribulations we go through, as well as any success we may experience are all blessings and tests at the same time. My life is only the way it is not because of an absence of trials and tribulations, but because of a connection with Allah that I have worked a long time to establish, and will be working the rest of my life to completely perfect. I have my down times, I have my moments of despair and desperation, but that is because I am human and capable of error. Not because I have more talent, skill, or even Love from Allah. I don’t quantify those things in my life. Instead, I just work hard at everything I do, and make Islam my core.

So, my advice to you, if you’re going through a tough time and need an out is to remember and apply the lessons from this verse:

“And whoever has cognizance of Allah – He will make for him a way out…and will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

Applying this means building a relationship with Allah so that you become completely cognizant of all that He is capable of, and thus, become patient and content as you strive and wait for your efforts to pay off. Build on your faith and relationship with Allah, work incredibly hard, and be patient. You are in the blessed month of Ramadan, so take advantage of this opportunity to build your faith and make Islam the core of every aspect of your life. I wrote about this in a recent article, which I feel you may benefit from: “The Seed Of All Success”

Finally, remember the hadith of the Prophet (SAW), where he said:

“No soul will die until it has received its provision in full and completed its allotted lifespan.” – Prophet Muhammad (SAW)

So, don’t worry about where you are in life right now. Be grateful for it because Allah has His Wisdom behind it. And take this as an opportunity to grow closer to Allah, to grow stronger in your character, and to take this time to make the most of everything you’ve been blessed with. Dwell not on the things that bring you hardship, but find hope in that which you have been blessed with, good and bad.

I hope this answers your question. Jazakallahu khairun for the admiration and dua. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: Seen enough of what the world has to offer. What do I do?
Question: Seen enough of what the world has to offer. What do I do? 1920 1080 Nadir Keval

Question:

Brother Nadir, I wanted to ask your perception on a certain idea. I feel that Allah has shown me enough of what this limited world has to offer. I don’t think the world can get any more badder from personal experience and observation of others life, and Allah has given us so much things to be grateful for, that it makes me feel guilty of even being a part of this world. Because surely I cannot return. So what would you do? Does it makes sense? :/

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Ramadan Mubarak!

I think I understand what you’re asking, and there are a few points that cross my mind. Your message sparked many thoughts into my mind, the strongest of which was that if you feel that Allah has shown you enough, then make an effort and make dua. If you feel that He has shown you enough good, ask for more. If you feel that He has shown you enough bad, ask for less, ask for strength and guidance, and ask Him to make you grateful. Also, because you have not yet seen what the future has to hold, you don’t really know what is out there.

Look at it this way: as a child, you would look at up the kitchen countertop and wonder what it would be like to see the top of the counter. You would ask your parents to show it to you, so they would lift you up to see, and you would be grateful. Eventually, you grew up, and that countertop was easily accessible to you, so you forgot about how great it was when you got to see it as a child. It became a norm, a thing of no significance. Still, you would go walking in downtown and would see tall buildings, wondering what was in them. Then, you grow up, get a job, and are working in a tall building as well. Eventually, going to work and being in that building would become a norm and routine for you, and if you didn’t enjoy your job, you may even dread going to that tall building you once dreamt about. So, you would begin to wonder what it would be like to be on the top floor of the building, to live life as the boss. So, you’d work hard and eventually would reach the top of the building. There, you would face the challenges of running a business, the responsibilities of leading a balanced life, and trying to continue to build the business. It will have its days of being overwhelming and difficult, and if you were to let those things get to you, you’d begin to dread being the boss, and would hate being at the top of the building, dreaming of going back to your old job as a worker in the middle of the tall building. You may then even tell yourself that you’ve had enough of this life and that want to die. Then, eventually, when it is written for you, you pass away. As you lay in the grave, your soul being asked its questions, you will wish you were alive again, so that you could be grateful for all that Allah gave you. You would wish you were at the top of the building again, so you could take the opportunity to help as many people as you could because you had been blessed with so much. You would try to make life easier for the people that worked below you, because you were once in their position and know what kinds of things would benefit them. Then, you would realize how blessed you were as that teen, where Allah gave you the resources, support, and guidance to do well in your pursuits and get a job in a tall building as you had once dreamed. And you would be thankful to Allah for giving you that sense of curiousity and ambition as a child that lead to you want to always see more. But alas, you will find yourself laying in the grave, no chance of going back to ask Allah for forgiveness or to show Him your gratitude for all that He blessed you with.

So, consider some lessons from this story:

  • There is always more that we have left to see in this world, and there will never come a time when things will be perfect. Instead of being sad over the fact that you feel the world can’t get any worse in your personal life or around the world, step out of sadness and step up into action and start making changes to help yourself and others lead better lives. Don’t be amongst those who complain and fall into depressed solitude when facing struggle. Instead, be amongst those who recognize that Allah has promised us that “Allah does not change the condition of a people until they change that which is within themselves.” (Quran 13:11) Make a change in your own life, and then work towards helping others do the same, while being kind, understanding, and patient.
  • No matter how far you get in life, always look back at how things once were and find lessons and reminders to keep you on track and grateful.
  • Always thank Allah and ask Him for forgiveness, because there is no limit to how much we have to be grateful for, and there is no knowing how much we need to seek forgiveness for.
  • If you are unsatisfied with how things are in life, always remember to make dua and to ask Allah for guidance and help. He is capable of all things, so don’t hesitate and don’t be ashamed to ask Him when you’re down or scattered in thought.
  • Our purpose in life is to worship Allah. This is to be done through prayer and supplication, as well as through our careers, seeking knowledge, building relationships, being a part of charitable pursuits, and more. We don’t know how long it will take for us to fulfill our individual roles in this purpose (i.e. we don’t know long we’re meant to live), but it is on us to take advantage of the time we have been given to fulfill our purpose to the best of our abilities until ALLAH sees fit that we no longer continue. And when that will be is not in our knowledge, so it’s always best to not dwell on that, and to instead, place our focus on worshiping Allah through everything we do.

Also, there is no need for you to feel guilty for what Allah has blessed you with. You wouldn’t have it if you weren’t worthy of it. But, what matters now is how you pass this test…will you be grateful, or will you ignore the blessing of Allah has given you?

Ultimately, our lives are gifts from Allah and it’s on us to make the most of life. If you feel as though Allah has shown you enough good, then spend the rest of the time Allah has given you in this life showing Him gratitude by worshiping Him, thanking Him, and striving to live for the sake of goodness of humanity through following the example of the Prophet (SAW). If you feel as though Allah has shown you enough bad in this life, stop being sad about it and make a change towards growth and betterment. Complaining or feeling bad about it won’t make things better. Taking action will.

Allah knows best.

I pray that Allah guides all of us towards being more grateful, patient, and driven, and that this message reaches you in the best of health and Imaan (faith). Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Video: Finding Balance
Video: Finding Balance 934 525 Nadir Keval

In our lives, we are brought challenges, struggles, opportunities, and more, and if not balanced, we can quickly get overwhelmed, resulting in us drowning in our own potential. Many of us grow up without much responsibility, and when it comes down to it, we’re advised by our parents, providers, or whoever we depend on, to focus solely on one thing at a time while they take care of everything else. For example, we go to school, and often, if we’re privileged enough, are told to not work or do anything else and just focus on getting good grades. The reality of life, however, is that when life kicks in, you can’t just focus on one thing. You have responsibilities – a family, your health, your career, your leisure activities, and more. If you focus on just one, you’ll end up getting an avalanche of overdue tasks and responsibilities piling on to you, leaving you incapable of getting back up without an excruciating amount of time and unnecessary effort. Time and energy/effort are two very precious things. Don’t waste them on cleaning up messes you’ve created for yourself. Use them to move forward and upward instead.

Get Your Priorities Straight

One of the first things needed to find balance is to recognize and organize your priorities. Look at the different aspects of your life, label them, and then categorize them according to importance and urgency. In my case, I hold these priorities, in this particular order: faith, family and self, health, passion/work.

Give 100% To Each Aspect

When working on anything, you should always give it your all. But, in order to commit to that completely, you must place focus on one thing at a time. That doesn’t mean that you should work on one thing and neglect everything. Shoot, if I did that, I’d be sending myself to the career graveyard. Instead, place 100% of your focus on each thing in your life when you’re attending to it. So, if you’re at work, be completely at work, and don’t get distracted by unnecessary distractions. If, however, your family calls, or you need to do a prayer, step away from work and attend to your priorities. In my list, faith and family come before passion and work, and so, I step away and respond. One reminder though…if you’re on the family side of that transaction, respect the person’s personal space and responsibilities, and refrain from contacting him or her unless there is an emergency.

Learn more about the things mentioned in this article in the video below:

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