islam

Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts!
Question: Help! I’m obsessed with someone and it hurts! 1920 1271 Nadir Keval

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Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, you’re doing well and are in a strong state of health and Imaan. I can understand how tough a situation like the one you’re in can be. When I was in a similar situation, my salvation and sense of personal value and growth came from read more

Question: Is it haram to read horoscopes for the personality descriptions?
Question: Is it haram to read horoscopes for the personality descriptions? 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

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Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

That’s an interesting question, and I know it’s one that many nowadays may come across in their daily lives. To be honest, when it comes to matters like these, where something has some components to it which are outright haram, I try my best to stick to a personal rule of just leaving the matter completely, so as to not make myself vulnerable to the whispers of Shaitaan any more than life already entails. When it came to this topic specifically, I did some research, and came upon a hadith that states, “Whoever learns anything of astrology has learned a branch of witchcraft (al-sihr)…” (Abu Dawood). This ties in with what I said about leaving something that has some degree of haram in it. Sihr, or witchcraft/black magic is haram in itself, and a means to greater misguidance. Many of the Ulamah states that Astrology is in fact a form of Shirk, as well.

So, overall, my recommendation would be to keep your distance from things like this, because sometimes we let small things slide, even with good or harmless intentions, but it is through those things that Shaitaan gets to us. If I were you, I wouldn’t let the personality traits and characteristics described in horoscopes play any role in helping me understand people, because every individual is unique. The best way to get to know a person is usually to just say hello and have a conversation, in my opinion.

Remember, I’m not a scholar or a Sheikh, or anything like that. I’m simply here as a person answering a question asked, to the best of my abilities. I would recommend speaking to a scholar in your local area for more information and clarification on the topic. I pray that Allah forgives and guides me for anything I have said here that may be wrong or misguided, and that He help you and I, as well as anyone else who reads this post, find the correct and best answer to this question so that we may be amongst the righteous. Ameen. Jazakallahu khair for your question! I hope it helped 🙂 Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval

For more information and details, check out: Rulings on Horoscopes

Question: How do I cope with heartache?
Question: How do I cope with heartache? 1536 1024 Nadir Keval

Question:

How do I cope with heartache?

Answer:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Insha Allah, this reaches you in the best state of health and Imaan.

Heartbreak and heartache are some of the toughest things to face in life, but it’s also important for us to go through these things in order to grow and become better versions of ourselves for us and for those who are in our lives or will enter our lives in the future.

When it comes to heartache, I’ve personally found that it’s all about setting your mindset a certain way, giving things time, and most importantly, faith. The first step is to accept that it’s best for you to move on, and to have conviction in the fact that if someone is meant for you, that person will be in your life regardless of what happens. That may require you two to go through periods of separation, difficulty, struggle, etc. but if this person is who Allah has meant for you, nothing will be able stop you two from coming together.

“No amount of guilt can change the past, and no amount of worrying can change the future. Go easy on yourself, for the outcome of all affairs is determined by Allaah’s decree. If something is meant to go elsewhere, it will never come your way, but if it is yours by destiny, from it you cannot flee.” – Umar ibn Al-Khattab (may Allah be pleased with him)

With that said, it’s also important to remember that we plan and Allah plans, and He is the best of planners (Quran 8:30). Meaning, there are things we may see as being best for us, or someone we may consider the pinnacle of perfection, but if things don’t work out with that person, it means that Allah has someone even better out there for us. It’s always a win-win situation when you maintain this mindset because either Allah will give you the person you want now because they’re truly the perfect fit for you, OR He will replace that person with someone who’s even better than who you thought was the pinnacle of perfection! Allahu Akbar! How merciful and generous and wise Allah is! 😀

The other aspect of this is time. We’ve all heard the say that time heals all things, and for the most part it’s true. In this situation, there are phases that you’re going to go through as you work towards growing past this part of your life: letting go of the person, healing from the pain the experience of being with and ending a relationship caused, and finally, rebuilding your self into a much stronger and wiser person. These phases will take time, so you must be patient and positive, because at the end of the day, Allah had that person in your life for the time he was there, but now, perhaps him being in your life any longer would have hurt you and your future.

This brings me to my last point: having faith. We have to accept that who and what comes and goes in our lives is all for our benefit. Sometimes, we have to be broken slightly in order to grow. Sometimes, we have to broken greatly in order to grow. Sometimes, we are simply given what we need to grow. Life will always have its ups and downs, and when it comes to heartbreak and heartache, all related to love, one of the most desired and pursued component of our lives, it will take a great deal of effort and discipline to get there.

My remedy for growing past heartache and heartbreak has always been to turn to Allah. To build on my relationship with Him, considering He is the Facilitator of our affairs, and it is with Him that our hearts and lives lie. He is our Master and the One who loves us more than anyone else possibly could, so it is only wise to work on pleasing Him and building our relationship with Him in order to find ease in finding love and happiness in this life and the Next.

I hope this answered your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss your specific experience or situation more in an one-on-one session, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we’ll set something up, insha Allah. Till then, take care! 😀

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Poem: Clarity
Poem: Clarity 2500 1667 Nadir Keval

It has been written,
long before our time,
what we are destined to be…
who we are destined to be.

Then why is it that we fret
about the matters that are outside of our grasp,
when we know that to worry
is, in truth, simply a form of insulting
God.

It is in the nature of man to be indifferent to the matters that are of importance to him,
but to then question that which is clear and right in front of his eyes.
Ah, but wait, perhaps that is not in his nature,
but instead in the way that he has been raised
to believe that things must be a certain way…
a way that is visible to man,
but without consideration of God.
See, without faith, we become limited.
Everything has to be “realistic”
instead of being based on faith.
We place a ceiling on the potential
of our growth and in His abilities,
not realizing that it all comes from Him.

The sun rises.
The sun sets.
We live.
We die.
We become strong.
We become weak.
This is the true nature of man.
We are predictable,
but our fate is unpredictable
by us.
And we live
with one of two things in our horizon:
a fog
or a mirage.
We are all capable of change and betterment.
We are all designed for greatness in our own right.
But, that clarity and zeal
will only truly come with God
in our hearts,
in our words,
in our actions,
in our minds,
and in the very essence of what makes us.
Our every breath is a result of His Will and Mercy.
So, should we not live every moment in the pursuit of pleasing Him?

To find clarity in life,
we must take all that we do
and pass it through Him.
We must make our living and our dying,
our thriving and surviving,
our working and resting,
our thinking and acting,
all focused around doing right by Him.

The world will try to push us,
it will try to lead us to falter,
but in the end,
our return is to Him.
So, earning His Love and Mercy,
is much wiser than earning
that of anyone else.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Progression Through Addictions
Progression Through Addictions 1725 810 Nadir Keval

Yesterday, I hit a new high with my ambition. Funny enough, it actually came after one of my lowest times in my pursuit of happiness and success in my life. What happened was that I got this jolt of inspiration and began to work harder to make my goals a reality, despite the fact that I’ve been fasting and have been extremely drained of energy on most days.

See, this Ramadan has been one that has perhaps been one of the toughest, yet most beneficial and fruitful Ramadan’s I’ve ever experienced. Coming into this holy month, I was determined to reach my goals and to see a change. I was tired of giving in to my weakness, using those weakness as excuses, and ultimately letting them take over my life. I wasn’t being my best for the last few years, and it was really difficult to keep myself moving because it felt as though I was my own worst enemy, despite often being surrounded by negativity or misunderstanding.

For those who may not know what Ramadan is all about, to put it simply, Ramadan is almost like an annual detox and growth period for Muslims around the world. During this month, Muslims refrain from food and drink of any kind from sunrise to sunset, they work on removing negative components of their lives, discipline their desires, increase their acts of worship, build their relationship with Allah (God), and work on bettering themselves and spiritually recharging to take on the year to come. Ramadan is one of the holy months in the Islamic Calendar, and often lasts for 30 days. (This is a basic description, so if you’d like to know more, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below this article or to send me a message.)

This Ramadan, I’ve been trying to overcome an addiction I’ve struggled with for most of my life. It’s not an addiction like smoking or drinking, or anything like that, alhamdulillah, but it’s a major struggle I haven’t been able to overcome, and one that has negatively influenced a great deal of my life. I’ve begun to understand that all of us have our vices, our addictions, our obsessions, and those things can be bad for us if we fall too deep into them. For example, consider that even drinking too much water can lead to us hurting ourselves, even though water is a human necessity. I learned that everything comes with a need for balance, and a need for how to approach something wisely. To put that into context of the water example, technically, you could get water from drinking soda/pop, but that is far more harmful to your body than drinking pure water would be.

When it comes to overcoming addictions, I’ve been trying to remind myself that life is not about achieving perfection, but of continuously being in a state of progression. I’ve mentioned this in the past as well, but in a more religious context, where I said:

Islam isn't about being perfect

This has been a reminder that I’ve dedicated myself to trying to remember every single day, especially when I felt the inclination to give in to my struggles and weaknesses. This Ramadan so far has not resulted in my overcoming my addiction yet, but it has helped me in making leaps and bounds in making progress towards change. THAT is what I’ve been looking for. Not the expectation of achieving something, but instead to know that I am capable of overcoming it one day. What I’ve been struggling with is something that most people consider to be a normal part of life, but for me, it just has never sat well in my heart. I always felt like it wasn’t comfortable or normal for me, so I’ve always felt the need for change, but was just never able to move forward. I felt for many years that this was something I just needed to accept as being a part of myself I would never be able to let go of.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that just accepting it as my fate, in this case, was really my way of cushioning the fact that I was giving up. If anyone knows me, I can be a bit stubborn at times, especially when it comes to the idea of giving up on something. I rarely accept giving up, and so I knew that there was betterment out there for me. I knew it was possible for me to change. Perhaps it rang through my heart, without my knowing it, but looking back now, I realize that I always had this verse in my heart and mind:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” – Quran (2:286)

A reminder like that really being instilled in me helped in letting me know that there is always hope towards change and betterment, no matter how difficult your situation may be. I also remembered, the verses from Surah At-Talaq, which reminded me of the importance of what I needed to build on in order to earn the Mercy and Help of Allah:

“That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out; And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

That last bit stood out to me, especially. The last sentence was the one that hit me hardest. The rest of the verses already made sense to me, but the last sentence made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I had to go through this struggle because it was what I needed. This addiction was something that kept me grounded from growing too quickly for my own good. Does that mean I’m not meant to grow and reach those goals? Not necessarily. Instead, it means that Allah has His own plans, and that includes both what happens for and to me, AND when those things happen.

Addiction is something I’ve learned may have its benefits. How many successful and influential people have you met or heard of who said that despite knowing what they needed to do, they weren’t able to do it until they hit rock bottom. Perhaps, that’s what addiction, along with other struggles like it, lead to. Perhaps, that is why these things exist. I’m not necessarily suggesting one indulges in any addiction or struggle, but instead, to take your time in working through things and growing at a pace that doesn’t hurt you. Know that you will go through withdrawal, but push through it. Work outside of your comfort zone, but don’t let it harm you. Remember these three components of progression through addictions:

  1. Have faith
  2. Practice patience
  3. Be relentless

This is your journey, and to stumble, to get stuck, and to feel lost at times, are all a part of being on a journey. It’s never all sunshine and lollipops. Embrace that truth in your heart and mind, and be kind to yourself. You will overcome, you will grow, and you will achieve greater levels of greatness with every day, God-willing. You can do this, I’m sure. How? For the reasons I mentioned above, and through the fact that I’VE been able to, and I’m certain you can too!

Try, Try Again
Try, Try Again 1536 808 Nadir Keval

With being halfway through Ramadan 2014, I’ve been giving a lot of thought towards bettering myself this month. One of the things I’ve learned more than almost anything else is how we are very fragile people, and we need to easier on ourselves. It’s important that we do our best to be better ourselves, but when we fail or fall, we shouldn’t give up.

Before Ramadan began, I wrote out a list of goals I had set out for myself. I was determined to let go of some bad habits, develop some new ones, and establish a stronger relationship with Allah. I have to say, it has been a lot tougher than I had anticipated. I figured that if I gave myself a strict schedule, or if I wrote a list of tasks every day and worked on every task one at a time, I’d reach my goals very easily. Then, reality punched me in the face. And for that, I am thankful. You see, I realized that those approaches to reaching my goals were great, but I had to be prepared for the journey of accomplishing them. That meant that I would fall, that I would mess up, that I would make mistakes, and that the key was that I didn’t let that stop me from trying again.

Often, especially considering we live in a time of the need for instant gratification, we become upset with ourselves and get discouraged when something doesn’t work after our first attempt at it. That can be self-destructive, as I’ve learned through my last two weeks’ experiences. See, I would be pumped, ecstatic to reach my goals, but upon having a single hiccup in the process, I would get discouraged or pulled back from wanting to try again. This was a huge reminder to me, especially since I often tell clients, “Allah doesn’t expect us to be perfect. He expects us to simply try to be our best.” Looking back, I can’t believe how true that statement rang for me. I needed that reminder that we are capable of anything in our lives, and we are here for the journey.

I remember hearing a lecture, in which the speaker mentioned a story about Umar ibn Al-Khattab, one of the Prophet (SAW)’s closest friends and the second Caliph of Islam. The speaker mentioned that Umar never concerned himself with the end result of his supplication, whether or not it would be answered, or would be in favour of his desires. Instead, he focused on constructing his dua (supplication) in the best way that he could. This concept made me think, not only in regards to my need to be better with my dua, but also in regards to how I lead my life and strive to become a better man and a better Muslim. I learned that in our lives, it’s important that we keep moving forward, no matter how many times we fall, because it is those same fallings that strengthen our character, as well as our drive and connection to our goals.

Life is something that we cannot always plan for. We plan and Allah plans, and He is the best of planners. What we should focus on is how we react to our experiences. Do we take a optimistic and positive approach to it, or do we wallow in our grief and give up? Remember that Allah has promised us in the Quran that He will not burden us with more than we can bear, so take His Promise as your security blanket, and then go out there and take risks to accomplish your goals. Push yourself beyond your comfort zone. And when the fear of failure presents itself, push it aside and go after your goals.

This Ramadan has been great so far, Alhamdulillah, but with only half of it left, I hope to go above and beyond what I’ve been doing so far to make the most of every moment. I pray that Allah grants all of us ease and success in our goals, and that He allows us all the opportunity to see the next Ramadan with stronger hearts, more faith-enriched souls, and with success in new goals that we never even thought we could consider pursuing. Ameen!

Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules?
Religion, Society, and Parents – Why so many rules? 4235 2817 Nadir Keval

I was asked a question today, and I felt it to be a great topic to share with all of you. Be sure to leave your comments below, and if you know anyone else you think may benefit from this, please share it with them and your friends on places like Facebook, Twitter, Tumblr, and any other social media network you may be on. Thank you and jazakallahu khairun.

Question:

Salam Nadir, how are you? I’m sorry I ask soo many questions but this has been bugging me. In Islam, we constantly are told what not to do. And of course it’ll make us look into it and makes us want to do it. What are we allowed to do? Its a super silly question but being a teenage girl, I feel as though I don’t have much choice. Then culture comes in and even going out for a walk seems like a complete sin (to my parents at least). What do you think I could do?? Jzk 🙂

Answer:

Wa alaikum assalaam 🙂

I’m doing well, alhamdulillah. Insha Allah, things are going well on your end, as well. Let me start by saying that there is never a reason to apologize for asking me questions. I’m here to help the best I can, insha Allah, and I will always try my best to do so.

Islam doesn’t necessarily constantly tell us what not to do. It instead tells us the virtues of doing certain things and the consequences of doing other things. Islam has been prescribed to us as a way of life, and its guidelines have been laid out through the Quran and Sunnah of the Prophet (SAW). That is an understandable and highly beneficial gift, considering most live their lives trying to figure out their path in life, while we as Muslims have been blessed with a clear and detailed life manual.

When it comes to what we are and aren’t allowed to do, my way of understanding it is using this:

“When it comes to matters of our Deen and its practice, everything is haram except for what the Prophet (SAW) and his companions did and taught us based on the Quran and Sunnah. When it comes to matters of our duniya and our interaction with it, everything is halal except for what has been forbidden to us in the Quran and Sunnah.”

Your question of, “What are we allowed to do?” is one that comes with a very lengthy and tedious response if not put into context. So, the first thing to figure out is what you’re asking specifically…meaning, what are we allowed to do concerning what exactly? This isn’t a super silly question; it’s not even a silly question. It’s simply a question, and a valid one at that. Islam being a religion of justice, on the condition that you practice it to the best of your abilities, will never place you in a position of feeling unjustly treated. The reason I included the condition of practicing it to the best of your abilities is because if taken out of context, or if not looked at with a sincere desire to please Allah, to gain His Mercy, and to reserve a place in Jannah, we can easily misconstrue the Quranic verses and the Prophetic traditions (of the Hadith) into something that could cause us far more harm than benefit.

Taking out the time and effort to better understand why you are facing these struggles that have been placed in front of you in the falsely claimed name of Islam is a reflection of your desire to seek out the truth, and that is an admirable trait in anyone, especially one in this day and age. Depending on where you live, there are definitely some places of the world where certain rules are placed on individuals or groups in the name of religion, when in fact they hold no place in religious fact, but instead are based on cultural and societal norms. Sometimes, it may not be the places we live, but rather, those who are in our lives that compel us to stick to certain rules that hold no place in religion. That said, depending on who those people are, we should be wise in how we approach them in regards to these matters. When it comes to most people in society, unless you are risking your own safety, don’t bother with the opinions of others. Focus instead on developing your own identity, while being conscious of the judgment of Allah, following the example of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions, and being kind to and obeying your parents.

In the case of parents, let’s be honest, there are hardly any people in the world that haven’t had some disagreements with their parents. In fact, because every parent was once a child, your parents too probably had some disagreements or conflicts with their own parents. Your parents probably went through similar things as you are now, and so they’re trying to protect you from making the same mistakes. It’s the circle of life, and though they may know that you have to go through your own struggles to become the best version of yourself, it’s part of how Allah has created them, for them to care immensely for you. This isn’t always the case, as some parents just don’t care about their children, so if your parents are pestering you about something, be grateful that they’re there with you, and recognize that their pestering is a reflection of their love. That said, it’s important that we remember the verses of the Quran:

And We have enjoined upon man [care] for his parents. His mother carried him, [increasing her] in weakness upon weakness, and his weaning is in two years. Be grateful to Me and to your parents; to Me is the [final] destination. But if they endeavor to make you associate with Me that of which you have no knowledge, do not obey them but accompany them in [this] world with appropriate kindness and follow the way of those who turn back to Me [in repentance]. Then to Me will be your return, and I will inform you about what you used to do. – Quran (31:14-15)

Notice how Allah tells us to be kind and obedient towards our parents, but reminds us that our return is to Him? Always be good to and patient with your parents, because the reward for it is limitless in the Hereafter, and because we cannot repay how much our mothers alone went through to give birth to us. A companion came to the Prophet (SAW) once and asked him, “Oh Prophet of Allah, I have just finished performing the pilgrimage while carrying my mother on my shoulders. Have I repaid my debt to her?” The Prophet (SAW) replied, “You have not even repaid her for one labor pain.” Subhanallah!

Try to do the most you can of what you aspire towards, but if your parents ask you not to for the sake of their concern for your safety, or for any other valid reason (as long as they’re not holding you back from fulfilling a command of Allah like praying your salah, wearing hijab, or things like that), listen to them. Allah will reward you for it, insha Allah, and who knows, it may be that Allah is protecting you from something harmful through having them hold you back from doing something. Like it says in the Quran:

But perhaps you hate a thing and it is good for you; and perhaps you love a thing and it is bad for you. And Allah Knows, while you know not. – Quran (2:216)

Talk to your parents, ask them why they would advise you stay away from what they’re prohibiting, but ask with wisdom. Ask kindly, and explain that you’d like to know so you can understand and grow from the matter. If that doesn’t work out well, then say Alhamdulillah, accept what they’ve asked of you, and go on with your day. Make dua asking Allah for guidance, and talk to Him. He is our greatest counselor, and the greatest weapon of a believer is dua.

I hope this answers your question, insha Allah. If you’d like to discuss this further, or have any more questions, you can email me at mail@nadirkeval.com, and we can set up an appointment to talk, insha Allah. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do?
Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do? 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

I was anonymously asked a question by a brave sister on Tumblr about a matter that many in the Muslim community, young and old face. It includes matters that are often considered taboo, and aren’t addressed for that same reason, or because people are too shy to approach Muslim scholars and counselors about the matter. So, I felt it would be wise to share my response to the sister with all of you. Be sure to share this article with your friends and family, as it is something many may not admit to struggle with, but would eagerly read in hopes of finding at least the first step to overcoming their internal struggle.

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Wa alaikum assalaam sister,

The situation you’re in is definitely a difficult one, but it is also very common. I talk to individuals about things like this more often than most would be willing to accept. So, don’t feel like this is an impossible thing to work on. It’s human nature, and will take your dedication and hard work to move forward from it, insha Allah. Trust me, you can get through this and become the person you’re aspiring to be, be-idhnillah.

No matter what the thing we’re struggling with is, the first step is almost always to first work on increasing the faith-related matters in our lives. Here are a few things you can do to get started:

  • Salah: Work on increasing your Salah, praying on time, and focusing while in Salah.
  • Dua: Make more dua, sincere dua. Learn about the etiquette of dua, and focus on composing your dua correctly.
  • Company: Surround yourself with people who inspire you to increase your Imaan. That could include going to sister’s halaqas, spending more time at the masjid, etc. The Prophet (SAW) said that we are a reflection of the company we keep. Remember that when you feel uncomfortable or out of place in the company of people you don’t usually hang around.
  • Quran: Read the Quran more often, 10 verses at a time. Study those 10 verses, memorize them, understand them, apply them to your life, and then move to the next 10 verses.

Take these things on one at a time, and slowly move towards betterment. It’s better to take small steps forward and to keep moving, than to take leaps and bounds only to fall back three times as far as you leapt forward.

I’ll try to address the specific things you mentioned in your message, to the best of my abilities. When approaching

  • Music: This is something I struggled with a lot growing up, so I can understand how difficult it can be. Some believe that it’s not haram, others believe it is. I choose to play it safe, considering this is my Hereafter I’m putting on the line, and just avoid music. That said, it’s a process to overcome. To start, when you want to listen to music, begin with listening to Muslim HipHop and things like that. There are other genres, but yeah. Then, slowly move towards listening to nasheeds with music in the background. Then, slowly to nasheeds without music, and finally, towards listening to Quran and seminars. It will take time, and everyone has their own pace, but you’ll get there, insha Allah.
  • Not covering up: In our Deen, both men and women have been prescribed guidelines as to what is Islamically sound and what isn’t when it comes to the matters of maintaining our modesty and appearance. It’s not my place to speak on hijab, so I won’t. But, I can speak on the benefits that covering up have had on my life. There is something about covering up that results in a greater level of confidence, power, and conviction in all that I do. On top of this, I have this sense of privacy, because of which I find it difficult to feel any sense of comfort if something as small as a bit of my back showing when I go into sujood (prostration) during Salah. That has come through an appreciation and love for humility and modesty. I know those two words (humility and modesty) get thrown around alot, making them lose the weight they carry, but honestly, I believe that what differentiates many of us is how sincere we are in the genuine aspects of human nature that make us different from those who have forgotten those sincere aspects, regardless of who they are or what they stand for. Finally, we strive to live our lives in a way that is an emulation of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions (RA). Ask yourself what they would’ve done, and try to emulate that. Oh, and one more thing that always inspired me to cover up is that Musa (AS) had a physique and overall appearance that was amongst the best, but he would always remain covered out of shyness. A man like him, so strong, wise, and genuine in his leadership qualities, was shy. That shows me that shyness is a good quality to have, and one that I hope to possess myself, insha Allah.
  • Pornography: The world we live in today makes access to pornography as easy as, well, using google. That’s a scary thought, but it’s something that simply needs to be battled within our hearts and souls, through filling our time with other matters that are more beneficial to us. What I have recommended to others in the past (that has worked for them, alhamdulillah), is to avoid using computers for any more reason than is necessary for work or school. Turn your phone or tablets, or any of that stuff off once you come home from school/work. Head to bed early. Wake up early. Take up working out, martial arts classes, a women’s only gym class or sessions, etc. Start going to those halaqas at sister’s groups or at the masjid. Find a new hobby (one that doesn’t involve too much interaction with men). Set goals and work towards them every day, and track your progress. Buy/Make a calendar, and for every day you indulge in pornography or masturbate or anything like that, put a black or red mark on the calendar date you do any of those things on. Don’t put any other labels on it, to maintain your privacy. Just a simple calendar with marks on it. If anyone asks, say that you’re just working on a habit you’re trying to form (which is to live without pornography – but don’t tell them this detail). Try to reduce the markings as much as possible until you’re left with a clean calendar for at least 3 weeks straight (studies have shown that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). Only look at the calendar if you indulge, otherwise, leave it aside in a private place. This builds on “out of sight, out of mind”. Reminding yourself of it often will make it difficult to fully move forward. Take your time with this, don’t give up no matter how difficult it becomes, hold yourself accountable for your actions, but don’t let that depress you. Instead, let it motivate you to fight to remove this addiction from your heart and life.
  • Partying with boys: Alhamdulillah, this is one of those things that’s easier to work on. From my own experiences, I spent most of my life surrounded by women. Most of my relatives are women, and my home includes my dad and I along with my grandmother, mother, and three sisters. So, I found more comfort and belonging amongst women. That meant that growing up, a lot of my friends would be women, I would rarely interact with guys to the extent of having them be my close friends, etc. Then, as I began learning more about Islam, and began applying what I learned to my life, I reduced my interaction with women significantly, striving to maintain it within the bounds of the teachings of Islam, alhamdulillah. The reason I bring up my own story is because the advice I gave you about making the Deen a bigger part of your life through Salah, Dua, reading Quran, and surrounding yourself around fellow sisters that inspire you towards becoming a better Muslim, is a reflection of the same things I did to overcome this matter. It took it’s time, but alhamdulillah, it worked. Fill your time with other things that are beneficial for you in this life and the Next, limit your interaction with guys (that aren’t your mahram) to only what is necessary to conduct business (i.e. school projects, work, etc.), and whenever you’re invited or have the urge to go out and party, pray 2 rakah of voluntary salah, or make dua, and ask yourself, “Is this something Allah would be pleased with? If I die, would I be able to face Allah about this?” If you’re answer is yes, then move forward. If it isn’t, then leave the matter for the sake of Allah, and trust Him to reward you and to replace what you left with something that’s better for you in this life and the Next. We live in a time where peer pressure is immensely strong in matters like these, where people take the matter of interaction with opposite gender too lightly. It’s a matter that should be taken more seriously, and should be recognized as a source of temptation towards other things, like the things you mentioned you struggle with. Run everything you do through the filter of Islam, and if you find that there’s even the slightest doubt of what you’re considering to be something that Allah and His Messenger (SAW) would be pleased with, leave it. It’ll be hard at first, but it will pay off.

Everything I’ve mentioned in response to your question comes with the understanding that you will have to work hard to overcome these struggles, and that the journey will not be easy. But, as they say, “Nothing worth having comes easy,” you know that your reward in this life and the Next will be worth the efforts. I pray that Allah grants you ease and success as you take on this inner battle, and that He rewards you immensely throughout this life and the Hereafter, so that your Imaan and love for Allah will continue to increase exponentially throughout your life, insha Allah. Ameen. If you have any more questions, you’re more than welcome to email me to book an appointment to discuss things further, insha Allah, either over video counseling or chat counseling. My email address is mail@nadirkeval.com. Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Has Allah Forgotten Me?
Has Allah Forgotten Me? 1366 768 Nadir Keval

Question:

Assalamu alaikum, brother, I wanted to thank you because some of your posts have helped me with life. But I wanted to ask you about some things, kindly link me tosome materials regarding hope and trust in Allah and how I can cope with depression and anxiety please? We’re going through an armada of health, financial, and psychological problems and I can’t stand seeing my mother cry. I am an ‘alright’ following Muslim but I feel that Allah has forgotten me.

Response:

Wa alaikum assalaam,

Insha Allah, this reaches you in the best state of health and Imaan. I’m glad to hear that my work has been beneficial to you and has helped you, Alhamdulillah.

First off, I would like to remind you that often, we feel that Allah has forgotten us, but the truth is usually that we aren’t doing our part to get closer to Him. Look at it this way, if you met someone that you wanted to have in your life because you believed they would be able to help change your life for the better, how hard would you work to try to get and maintain that person’s attention? You would probably also put a lot of effort into gaining that person’s approval and satisfaction. See, the thing is, we put forth so much effort towards those who are simply people and have no real control over our life’s condition without the help and provision of Allah, but we hardly put any effort towards gaining that relationship with Allah, who is the One that has control over our affairs and can help us through anything.

There are a few articles that I’ve written on my blog that relate to what you’re going through. I will list them below. I would, however, also like to share some advice with you as a person who has also gone through similar struggles time and time again in his life. Honestly, the greatest key towards betterment and solutions to our life problems is building on our relationship with Allah. What I would suggest to you is to start increasing your Ibadah, Dua, and Dhikr. Start working on perfecting your Salah, wake up for Tahajjud and make dua for what you’re wanting, and try to constantly keep your mouth moving with Dhikr like saying, “Astaghfirullah,” or “Alhamdulillah,” or “Subhanallah,” etc. That is the same advice my sheikh and friend gave me, and honestly, it helped me remain calm through all my struggles, helped me see light in the darkest corners of my life, and simply made me happier. Try working on this yourself first, and after a week or so of consistent practice, ask your mother to join you, motivating, helping, and supporting her in doing it with you. This will build a sense of unified peace between you (and others in you home if you have them join you as well), and will give you all a sense of peace amongst what appears to be the chaos of your life’s condition right now.

Remember, it’s all about your perception of things. Often, we think our condition is horrible, but that’s only because we are so focused in on what we’re going through that we forget to look at all that’s happening around us, and when that happens, whether we know it or not, a small part of us becomes ungrateful for all that we’ve been blessed with. The struggles and challenges we face in our lives are opportunities Allah is giving us to grow closer to Him and to grow stronger as individuals. Remember, Allah says that He never burdens a soul beyond what it can bear (Quran 2:286), and the Prophet (SAW) said that there is no calamity that strikes a believer, even if it is as small as the prick of a thorn, except that it expiates/removes the sins of that believer.

Allah is giving you an opportunity. Take it. Become better Muslims than you already are, grow closer to Him, and remember to look at those around you or around the world who are struggling far more than you (there’s always SOMEONE that’s struggling more than we are), and be thankful for what you have.

Those are my suggestions for your first steps, and if you’d like to discuss things further or in more detail, you are more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com. Everything we discuss will remain confidential, insha Allah.

I hope this was of some help. Below are the articles from my blog that I feel may relate to your situation. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

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Question: Why Are Some People Tested More Than Others? – Nadir Keval

To Be Happy – Nadir Keval

The Seed Of All Success – Nadir Keval

Creating Crutches – Nadir Keval

These are just some of the articles on my blog that relate to your situation. To be honest, what you’re going through is very common (which is a good thing, because it shows you that you’re not alone and that since others have been able to overcome it, so can you, alhamdulillah!), so I’ve written quite a few articles pertaining to situations and conditions similar to yours. You can find them in the mentoring archive on my blog.

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