struggle

3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success
3 Hurdles on the Journey to Success 1920 1280 Nadir Keval

Many of us have ambitions and goals, but perhaps just as many of us get overwhelmed by the drive needed to achieve those goals. We fear the overwhelming struggle, the possibility of failure, and the unrelenting force of self-doubt that eats away at our potential. What I have learned over the years is the importance of us embracing that struggle, staring down that fear, and ignoring that voice in your head telling you that you can’t accomplish anything you set your mind and heart to.

Fear is inevitable. It’s a part of what helps us understand who we are, and it challenges us to overcome different things that come our way, helping us grow and become better as individuals in our characteristics, skills, and so much more. (You can read more about my thoughts on facing your fears here.) There’s one beautiful reminder about faith that makes facing your fears much easier: “Allah does not burden a soul with more than it can bear.” (Quran 2:186) What that tells you is that regardless of what you face in life, God guarantees that you will never face anything you can’t bear. It means that He KNOWS you can handle everything you face. And because we also know that Allah only has us experience things that will help us become better versions of ourselves, we know that us overcoming our fears will result in us reaching new heights in accessing our true potential. How beautiful, encouraging, and reassuring is that?? As for the individual fears I mentioned above, let’s break them down one at a time.

1. The Struggle

We’ve all heard the saying, “Nothing in life worth having comes easy, and nothing that comes easy is worth having.” A pretty great reminder, if you ask me. Sure, you may come around the occasional unique case where something falls into place without much work, but to depend on that occurrence as our path to success in our endeavors is like living a half-assed life, expecting someone to come around one day with a briefcase of millions of dollars for you. Umm…sorry for breaking your bubble if that’s what you’re hoping for, but my friend, it’s probably not going to happen. I would recommend that you work hard towards your goals, and if you just so happen to stumble upon that kind of fortunate circumstance, simply consider it a bonus.

Hard work is it’s own reward. It’s true. When you have a goal or dream you’re striving towards accomplishing, every little success feels like a huge motivation and push forward. Successful people wake up every morning with the ambition to take steps forward in their goals, and to get a few extra little successes under their belts, and that acts as part of their fuel for the next day. I personally get excited every time I get the code I’ve been struggling with when designing a client’s website, or coming upon an epiphany for a logo or branding scheme for a client. Or, when I would see a coaching client overcome something they were afraid to face. Or, when I would come up with an idea for a quote, poem, or article to write. These may seem like really small experiences, perhaps even unimportant in the larger scheme of things, but every little success is worth appreciation and embrace, because these little things are exactly what remind us that we’re on the right path to fulfilling our goals. Keep going towards your goals, and work relentlessly until you accomplish your goal, or life leads you and your heart in a different direction that’s better for you.

2. The Truth About Failure

Failure can be one of two things: the fuel to your success or the fuel to your destruction. Which of the two it’ll be is up to you.

Personally, I’ve failed so many times during my journey to success, and actually fail in small ways almost on a daily basis. But, I recognize that those failures have come in my life path for the sake of helping me grow and build on my skills and talents. I know that God has put me on this world to help people, and that can be difficult at times when it comes to trying to support your family and future. I face criticism and ridicule often as I try things and stumble, and can sometimes have people telling me that I will never succeed, or that I should just give up on trying. Still, I push forward, have faith and patience, and work my butt off every single day, while trying to learn and grow from my experiences. If I let the reactions of others towards my journey and failures eat away at my mind, or affect me in any way, I would definitely see myself fall into self-destruction. The reason I say self-destruction is because it’s truly self-imposed. We choose what we let in and what we let out of our minds. We have to remember that no one knows our journey better than God and our own selves. As long as we keep God in mind with every step, give our hearts to Him, and work relentlessly towards what we want in life (within moral bounds, of course), we can remain steadfast in our steps forward towards succeeding in our goals.

Another beautiful thing about failure is that it keeps us balanced and humble. It reminds us that we’re human, and that reminder is hugely important when we have big expectations. It’s through this falling and failing that we learn how to get back up and keep going. It’s through these setbacks that we are brought towards the right timing for our success, and are reminded that we should stay humble and levelheaded with our potential and skills.

There is enough in this life that pushes its way into our life and minds to the point of causing us sadness and fills us with a test of hope and faith. Don’t pass the test of failure in that process. Failure is truly a blessing and an opportunity for us to become better versions of ourselves, and what better thing could we ask for than that as we strive every day towards personal development and growth?

3. Destroying Self-Doubt

Ah, the internal evil that resides in even the best of us: self-doubt. No matter who you are, you’ve surely experienced this to some degree. But, the beauty of life is that we are never faced with anything that we can’t bear, and we are often capable of so much more than we think we are. As Wayne Gretzky said, “You miss 100% of the shots you don’t take.” What that reminder told me was not only that we have to always try something before we know we can do it, but also that we can only know how much we are capable of through us pushing the envelope with our comfort zones.

Like I mentioned above, letting the words of others get to us is something that can happen only if we allow it to. What’s even more important to keep in mind though is that the same goes for our own negative, pessimistic, or skeptic thoughts. We are hardwired to think out all of the options, and life’s rollercoaster-type nature causes us to fear the worst and doubt our own capabilities. Often, we put up a front that we have what it takes to take on the things that scare us, but I think that it’s much easier to become courageous than to fake fearlessness. When you face every day, remind yourself that you are capable of so much more than you can imagine, and that there is nothing that can come your way in life that you aren’t able to handle. You are stronger, wiser, and more capable than you think. People will try to convince you otherwise, and life will challenge you often to make you think otherwise (if you let it), but I assure you that your success and happiness is simply past those things you doubt being capable of doing or achieving.

Ultimately, when it comes down to it, there are two things I believe combine to create the formula for guaranteed success = unrelenting and ridiculous work ethic + an ever-growing knowledge and application of your beliefs and values. Figure out what you want to dedicate your time and efforts to, and what your beliefs and values are, and then face life head on. With these two things, you will find everything you’re looking for, and then some. Of course, there are so many more details to these two components for each individual person, and I’d be more than happy to coach or mentor any of you in that endeavor. You can send me an email at mail@nadirkeval.com to set up a free consultation, but till then, I hope this article will be a great starting point!

Now, I want to hear from you! Join the conversation! Leave a comment below telling me about some fears you’ve conquered, or share some insight into some other ways you have taken on these or other hurdles on your personal journey to success 🙂

Progression Through Addictions
Progression Through Addictions 1725 810 Nadir Keval

Yesterday, I hit a new high with my ambition. Funny enough, it actually came after one of my lowest times in my pursuit of happiness and success in my life. What happened was that I got this jolt of inspiration and began to work harder to make my goals a reality, despite the fact that I’ve been fasting and have been extremely drained of energy on most days.

See, this Ramadan has been one that has perhaps been one of the toughest, yet most beneficial and fruitful Ramadan’s I’ve ever experienced. Coming into this holy month, I was determined to reach my goals and to see a change. I was tired of giving in to my weakness, using those weakness as excuses, and ultimately letting them take over my life. I wasn’t being my best for the last few years, and it was really difficult to keep myself moving because it felt as though I was my own worst enemy, despite often being surrounded by negativity or misunderstanding.

For those who may not know what Ramadan is all about, to put it simply, Ramadan is almost like an annual detox and growth period for Muslims around the world. During this month, Muslims refrain from food and drink of any kind from sunrise to sunset, they work on removing negative components of their lives, discipline their desires, increase their acts of worship, build their relationship with Allah (God), and work on bettering themselves and spiritually recharging to take on the year to come. Ramadan is one of the holy months in the Islamic Calendar, and often lasts for 30 days. (This is a basic description, so if you’d like to know more, please don’t hesitate to leave a comment below this article or to send me a message.)

This Ramadan, I’ve been trying to overcome an addiction I’ve struggled with for most of my life. It’s not an addiction like smoking or drinking, or anything like that, alhamdulillah, but it’s a major struggle I haven’t been able to overcome, and one that has negatively influenced a great deal of my life. I’ve begun to understand that all of us have our vices, our addictions, our obsessions, and those things can be bad for us if we fall too deep into them. For example, consider that even drinking too much water can lead to us hurting ourselves, even though water is a human necessity. I learned that everything comes with a need for balance, and a need for how to approach something wisely. To put that into context of the water example, technically, you could get water from drinking soda/pop, but that is far more harmful to your body than drinking pure water would be.

When it comes to overcoming addictions, I’ve been trying to remind myself that life is not about achieving perfection, but of continuously being in a state of progression. I’ve mentioned this in the past as well, but in a more religious context, where I said:

Islam isn't about being perfect

This has been a reminder that I’ve dedicated myself to trying to remember every single day, especially when I felt the inclination to give in to my struggles and weaknesses. This Ramadan so far has not resulted in my overcoming my addiction yet, but it has helped me in making leaps and bounds in making progress towards change. THAT is what I’ve been looking for. Not the expectation of achieving something, but instead to know that I am capable of overcoming it one day. What I’ve been struggling with is something that most people consider to be a normal part of life, but for me, it just has never sat well in my heart. I always felt like it wasn’t comfortable or normal for me, so I’ve always felt the need for change, but was just never able to move forward. I felt for many years that this was something I just needed to accept as being a part of myself I would never be able to let go of.

It wasn’t until recently that I realized that just accepting it as my fate, in this case, was really my way of cushioning the fact that I was giving up. If anyone knows me, I can be a bit stubborn at times, especially when it comes to the idea of giving up on something. I rarely accept giving up, and so I knew that there was betterment out there for me. I knew it was possible for me to change. Perhaps it rang through my heart, without my knowing it, but looking back now, I realize that I always had this verse in my heart and mind:

“Allah does not burden a soul beyond that it can bear…” – Quran (2:286)

A reminder like that really being instilled in me helped in letting me know that there is always hope towards change and betterment, no matter how difficult your situation may be. I also remembered, the verses from Surah At-Talaq, which reminded me of the importance of what I needed to build on in order to earn the Mercy and Help of Allah:

“That is instructed to whoever should believe in Allah and the Last day. And whoever fears Allah – He will make for him a way out; And will provide for him from where he does not expect. And whoever relies upon Allah – then He is sufficient for him. Indeed, Allah will accomplish His purpose. Allah has already set for everything a [decreed] extent.” – Quran (65:2-3)

That last bit stood out to me, especially. The last sentence was the one that hit me hardest. The rest of the verses already made sense to me, but the last sentence made me realize that maybe, just maybe, I had to go through this struggle because it was what I needed. This addiction was something that kept me grounded from growing too quickly for my own good. Does that mean I’m not meant to grow and reach those goals? Not necessarily. Instead, it means that Allah has His own plans, and that includes both what happens for and to me, AND when those things happen.

Addiction is something I’ve learned may have its benefits. How many successful and influential people have you met or heard of who said that despite knowing what they needed to do, they weren’t able to do it until they hit rock bottom. Perhaps, that’s what addiction, along with other struggles like it, lead to. Perhaps, that is why these things exist. I’m not necessarily suggesting one indulges in any addiction or struggle, but instead, to take your time in working through things and growing at a pace that doesn’t hurt you. Know that you will go through withdrawal, but push through it. Work outside of your comfort zone, but don’t let it harm you. Remember these three components of progression through addictions:

  1. Have faith
  2. Practice patience
  3. Be relentless

This is your journey, and to stumble, to get stuck, and to feel lost at times, are all a part of being on a journey. It’s never all sunshine and lollipops. Embrace that truth in your heart and mind, and be kind to yourself. You will overcome, you will grow, and you will achieve greater levels of greatness with every day, God-willing. You can do this, I’m sure. How? For the reasons I mentioned above, and through the fact that I’VE been able to, and I’m certain you can too!

Poem: I am happy
Poem: I am happy 2000 1500 Nadir Keval

Today, I wanted to yell out to the world,
“I AM HAPPY!”
But I refrained,
because I knew that there existed beings
who felt inclination and satisfaction
in seeking out my every smile,
and tearing it into so many pieces,
that it would take me another series of sleepless
and tear-filled nights,
trying to piece it together again.

You see, the thing that was interesting about these people,
was that they would tell me to be my best.
They would say that I should take hold of my life,
and go after what I believed would make me happy.
Then, as though they were waiting for me,
to hand them the gun that would puncture
and burst open my heart,
they would tell me that by living for me,
and seeking out happiness
instead of taking on more responsibilities,
was an act of selfish arrogance and being inconsiderate.

I’ve heard people say that misery loves company,
but it’s beginning to get crowded.
The world is filled with unhappy people,
and I’m here, trying to break through the barrier.
I love to meet people, even for the first time,
giving them my smile, even if it’s only mine.
The reason being because I know what it’s like,
to want happiness, but to be reminded that life is strife.
So maybe, just maybe,
my smile, as crooked and as simple as it may be,
could cause a crack in a world of hardened hearts,
to share a moment,
a mere moment,
of happy.

Today, and every day onwards,
I will remind myself to be happy.
Because I have learned that there is no purpose in worries,
or letting the harshness of others get to me,
when I accept not my fate,
but the fact that God is always with me.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do?
Question: I want to make a change and get closer to God, but I’m struggling. What can I do? 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

I was anonymously asked a question by a brave sister on Tumblr about a matter that many in the Muslim community, young and old face. It includes matters that are often considered taboo, and aren’t addressed for that same reason, or because people are too shy to approach Muslim scholars and counselors about the matter. So, I felt it would be wise to share my response to the sister with all of you. Be sure to share this article with your friends and family, as it is something many may not admit to struggle with, but would eagerly read in hopes of finding at least the first step to overcoming their internal struggle.

Screen Shot 2014-01-15 at 10.20.57 PM

Wa alaikum assalaam sister,

The situation you’re in is definitely a difficult one, but it is also very common. I talk to individuals about things like this more often than most would be willing to accept. So, don’t feel like this is an impossible thing to work on. It’s human nature, and will take your dedication and hard work to move forward from it, insha Allah. Trust me, you can get through this and become the person you’re aspiring to be, be-idhnillah.

No matter what the thing we’re struggling with is, the first step is almost always to first work on increasing the faith-related matters in our lives. Here are a few things you can do to get started:

  • Salah: Work on increasing your Salah, praying on time, and focusing while in Salah.
  • Dua: Make more dua, sincere dua. Learn about the etiquette of dua, and focus on composing your dua correctly.
  • Company: Surround yourself with people who inspire you to increase your Imaan. That could include going to sister’s halaqas, spending more time at the masjid, etc. The Prophet (SAW) said that we are a reflection of the company we keep. Remember that when you feel uncomfortable or out of place in the company of people you don’t usually hang around.
  • Quran: Read the Quran more often, 10 verses at a time. Study those 10 verses, memorize them, understand them, apply them to your life, and then move to the next 10 verses.

Take these things on one at a time, and slowly move towards betterment. It’s better to take small steps forward and to keep moving, than to take leaps and bounds only to fall back three times as far as you leapt forward.

I’ll try to address the specific things you mentioned in your message, to the best of my abilities. When approaching

  • Music: This is something I struggled with a lot growing up, so I can understand how difficult it can be. Some believe that it’s not haram, others believe it is. I choose to play it safe, considering this is my Hereafter I’m putting on the line, and just avoid music. That said, it’s a process to overcome. To start, when you want to listen to music, begin with listening to Muslim HipHop and things like that. There are other genres, but yeah. Then, slowly move towards listening to nasheeds with music in the background. Then, slowly to nasheeds without music, and finally, towards listening to Quran and seminars. It will take time, and everyone has their own pace, but you’ll get there, insha Allah.
  • Not covering up: In our Deen, both men and women have been prescribed guidelines as to what is Islamically sound and what isn’t when it comes to the matters of maintaining our modesty and appearance. It’s not my place to speak on hijab, so I won’t. But, I can speak on the benefits that covering up have had on my life. There is something about covering up that results in a greater level of confidence, power, and conviction in all that I do. On top of this, I have this sense of privacy, because of which I find it difficult to feel any sense of comfort if something as small as a bit of my back showing when I go into sujood (prostration) during Salah. That has come through an appreciation and love for humility and modesty. I know those two words (humility and modesty) get thrown around alot, making them lose the weight they carry, but honestly, I believe that what differentiates many of us is how sincere we are in the genuine aspects of human nature that make us different from those who have forgotten those sincere aspects, regardless of who they are or what they stand for. Finally, we strive to live our lives in a way that is an emulation of the Prophet (SAW) and his companions (RA). Ask yourself what they would’ve done, and try to emulate that. Oh, and one more thing that always inspired me to cover up is that Musa (AS) had a physique and overall appearance that was amongst the best, but he would always remain covered out of shyness. A man like him, so strong, wise, and genuine in his leadership qualities, was shy. That shows me that shyness is a good quality to have, and one that I hope to possess myself, insha Allah.
  • Pornography: The world we live in today makes access to pornography as easy as, well, using google. That’s a scary thought, but it’s something that simply needs to be battled within our hearts and souls, through filling our time with other matters that are more beneficial to us. What I have recommended to others in the past (that has worked for them, alhamdulillah), is to avoid using computers for any more reason than is necessary for work or school. Turn your phone or tablets, or any of that stuff off once you come home from school/work. Head to bed early. Wake up early. Take up working out, martial arts classes, a women’s only gym class or sessions, etc. Start going to those halaqas at sister’s groups or at the masjid. Find a new hobby (one that doesn’t involve too much interaction with men). Set goals and work towards them every day, and track your progress. Buy/Make a calendar, and for every day you indulge in pornography or masturbate or anything like that, put a black or red mark on the calendar date you do any of those things on. Don’t put any other labels on it, to maintain your privacy. Just a simple calendar with marks on it. If anyone asks, say that you’re just working on a habit you’re trying to form (which is to live without pornography – but don’t tell them this detail). Try to reduce the markings as much as possible until you’re left with a clean calendar for at least 3 weeks straight (studies have shown that it takes 21 days to make or break a habit). Only look at the calendar if you indulge, otherwise, leave it aside in a private place. This builds on “out of sight, out of mind”. Reminding yourself of it often will make it difficult to fully move forward. Take your time with this, don’t give up no matter how difficult it becomes, hold yourself accountable for your actions, but don’t let that depress you. Instead, let it motivate you to fight to remove this addiction from your heart and life.
  • Partying with boys: Alhamdulillah, this is one of those things that’s easier to work on. From my own experiences, I spent most of my life surrounded by women. Most of my relatives are women, and my home includes my dad and I along with my grandmother, mother, and three sisters. So, I found more comfort and belonging amongst women. That meant that growing up, a lot of my friends would be women, I would rarely interact with guys to the extent of having them be my close friends, etc. Then, as I began learning more about Islam, and began applying what I learned to my life, I reduced my interaction with women significantly, striving to maintain it within the bounds of the teachings of Islam, alhamdulillah. The reason I bring up my own story is because the advice I gave you about making the Deen a bigger part of your life through Salah, Dua, reading Quran, and surrounding yourself around fellow sisters that inspire you towards becoming a better Muslim, is a reflection of the same things I did to overcome this matter. It took it’s time, but alhamdulillah, it worked. Fill your time with other things that are beneficial for you in this life and the Next, limit your interaction with guys (that aren’t your mahram) to only what is necessary to conduct business (i.e. school projects, work, etc.), and whenever you’re invited or have the urge to go out and party, pray 2 rakah of voluntary salah, or make dua, and ask yourself, “Is this something Allah would be pleased with? If I die, would I be able to face Allah about this?” If you’re answer is yes, then move forward. If it isn’t, then leave the matter for the sake of Allah, and trust Him to reward you and to replace what you left with something that’s better for you in this life and the Next. We live in a time where peer pressure is immensely strong in matters like these, where people take the matter of interaction with opposite gender too lightly. It’s a matter that should be taken more seriously, and should be recognized as a source of temptation towards other things, like the things you mentioned you struggle with. Run everything you do through the filter of Islam, and if you find that there’s even the slightest doubt of what you’re considering to be something that Allah and His Messenger (SAW) would be pleased with, leave it. It’ll be hard at first, but it will pay off.

Everything I’ve mentioned in response to your question comes with the understanding that you will have to work hard to overcome these struggles, and that the journey will not be easy. But, as they say, “Nothing worth having comes easy,” you know that your reward in this life and the Next will be worth the efforts. I pray that Allah grants you ease and success as you take on this inner battle, and that He rewards you immensely throughout this life and the Hereafter, so that your Imaan and love for Allah will continue to increase exponentially throughout your life, insha Allah. Ameen. If you have any more questions, you’re more than welcome to email me to book an appointment to discuss things further, insha Allah, either over video counseling or chat counseling. My email address is mail@nadirkeval.com. Take care!

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

Freedom from Within
Freedom from Within 1920 1200 Nadir Keval

What does it mean to be free? We all have our own definition, based on the conditions our lives are in. For some, it’s being able to sit in your home without the fear of having a military attack destroy your home, for some it’s a battle in your mind, and for others, it’s being able to have a say in your own life’s decisions and path. These matters enslave some of us without us even realizing it. If or when it’s realized, minds go into a state of panic, causing a frantic effort to break free. Every struggle of freedom holds at its core the same goal: to have one’s right to make personal decision made available.

The right to have the final say in everything that you do and pursue in your life is something that is unfortunately a rare thing to see in most parts of the world. How many of us have to tail or our lives and the pursuit of our goals, all to accommodate the people in our lives and their dreams? How many of us pursue the same path drafted out by society for practically everyone of going to school, having a gender-specified hobbies and interests, getting a degree/diploma, working a 9-5 job most likely not in your field of study just to pay off the tens of thousands of dollars in student loans, get married while in severe debt, buy a home on mortgage (increasing your debt), have children (a blessing, but tougher when in debt), grow old hating your job (unless you’re one of the lucky ones), and one day look back and wonder how life passed by so quickly without you even getting the chance to pursue your goals, passions, or challenges? So…that was a dark picture. Unfortunately, I’m pretty sure I just described most of our lives, and sadly left many of us depressed. If I did, I apologize. The reason I did that is because unless we hate hell and everything that leads to it, we won’t know how badly we want heaven. Obviously, I’m speaking metaphorically, but you get what I mean.

It’s important for us to find and form our own identities by taking risks and challenging ourselves outside of our comfort zones. It’s far too easy to fall into the norms and patterns created by society. We must ask ourselves what we want out of life, what we hope to accomplish, and then work towards those things. The path that fits you best might even end up being similar to the norm, but what’s important is that you choose and pursue that path out of your own will and desire, and not out of conformity to any expectations.

There are some people in the world whose freedom isn’t an option for them. Even if they work their hardest, put in all the effort they possibly can, they just can’t seem to acquire their freedom. But, for most of us, freedom is possible. It’s about overcoming our personal barriers, created by our minds to hold us back from doing anything unsafe. That, however, isn’t what’s best for our growth, and instead, prevents us from being the best we can be. Recognize how blessed we are to have the ability to embrace our freedom. It will take hard work and fighting our inner souls at times, but it’s a dream many don’t have the opportunity to fulfill.

Evaluate your life and ask yourself what it is you want to accomplish, and what it is that’s holding you back from getting what you want. If you are unhappy, figure out what the cause is and keep your distance from that, or fix the situation to turn it into a source of happiness. I assure you it will be difficult. I assure you it will be painful. I assure you it will have you questioning yourself and your motives time and time again. But if you push through it all, I assure you that it’ll be completely worth it.

Has Allah Forgotten Me?
Has Allah Forgotten Me? 1366 768 Nadir Keval

Question:

Assalamu alaikum, brother, I wanted to thank you because some of your posts have helped me with life. But I wanted to ask you about some things, kindly link me tosome materials regarding hope and trust in Allah and how I can cope with depression and anxiety please? We’re going through an armada of health, financial, and psychological problems and I can’t stand seeing my mother cry. I am an ‘alright’ following Muslim but I feel that Allah has forgotten me.

Response:

Wa alaikum assalaam,

Insha Allah, this reaches you in the best state of health and Imaan. I’m glad to hear that my work has been beneficial to you and has helped you, Alhamdulillah.

First off, I would like to remind you that often, we feel that Allah has forgotten us, but the truth is usually that we aren’t doing our part to get closer to Him. Look at it this way, if you met someone that you wanted to have in your life because you believed they would be able to help change your life for the better, how hard would you work to try to get and maintain that person’s attention? You would probably also put a lot of effort into gaining that person’s approval and satisfaction. See, the thing is, we put forth so much effort towards those who are simply people and have no real control over our life’s condition without the help and provision of Allah, but we hardly put any effort towards gaining that relationship with Allah, who is the One that has control over our affairs and can help us through anything.

There are a few articles that I’ve written on my blog that relate to what you’re going through. I will list them below. I would, however, also like to share some advice with you as a person who has also gone through similar struggles time and time again in his life. Honestly, the greatest key towards betterment and solutions to our life problems is building on our relationship with Allah. What I would suggest to you is to start increasing your Ibadah, Dua, and Dhikr. Start working on perfecting your Salah, wake up for Tahajjud and make dua for what you’re wanting, and try to constantly keep your mouth moving with Dhikr like saying, “Astaghfirullah,” or “Alhamdulillah,” or “Subhanallah,” etc. That is the same advice my sheikh and friend gave me, and honestly, it helped me remain calm through all my struggles, helped me see light in the darkest corners of my life, and simply made me happier. Try working on this yourself first, and after a week or so of consistent practice, ask your mother to join you, motivating, helping, and supporting her in doing it with you. This will build a sense of unified peace between you (and others in you home if you have them join you as well), and will give you all a sense of peace amongst what appears to be the chaos of your life’s condition right now.

Remember, it’s all about your perception of things. Often, we think our condition is horrible, but that’s only because we are so focused in on what we’re going through that we forget to look at all that’s happening around us, and when that happens, whether we know it or not, a small part of us becomes ungrateful for all that we’ve been blessed with. The struggles and challenges we face in our lives are opportunities Allah is giving us to grow closer to Him and to grow stronger as individuals. Remember, Allah says that He never burdens a soul beyond what it can bear (Quran 2:286), and the Prophet (SAW) said that there is no calamity that strikes a believer, even if it is as small as the prick of a thorn, except that it expiates/removes the sins of that believer.

Allah is giving you an opportunity. Take it. Become better Muslims than you already are, grow closer to Him, and remember to look at those around you or around the world who are struggling far more than you (there’s always SOMEONE that’s struggling more than we are), and be thankful for what you have.

Those are my suggestions for your first steps, and if you’d like to discuss things further or in more detail, you are more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com. Everything we discuss will remain confidential, insha Allah.

I hope this was of some help. Below are the articles from my blog that I feel may relate to your situation. Take care.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

– Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

—————————————————————

Question: Why Are Some People Tested More Than Others? – Nadir Keval

To Be Happy – Nadir Keval

The Seed Of All Success – Nadir Keval

Creating Crutches – Nadir Keval

These are just some of the articles on my blog that relate to your situation. To be honest, what you’re going through is very common (which is a good thing, because it shows you that you’re not alone and that since others have been able to overcome it, so can you, alhamdulillah!), so I’ve written quite a few articles pertaining to situations and conditions similar to yours. You can find them in the mentoring archive on my blog.

Quit Quitting
Quit Quitting 4288 2848 Nadir Keval

I’ve spent a good chunk of my life quitting – afraid of what others may say if I failed or if I made a mistake, if I didn’t do things the same way others would, or sometimes, if I made others look bad by doing something better than they did. I figured, why bother with taking all those risks? If I just make up some excuse, I’ll be alright and won’t be the laughing stock or the enemy of those around me. It just seemed safer that way. Little did I know that after spending years with that state of mind, I would be left feeling so unaccomplished and unsatisfied with myself that I would almost give up on living life itself, and would simply accept an existence for the sake of existing.

Perhaps it’s human nature, or something instilled in me specifically that needed to be excavated after years of living under a thick layer of guilt for the sake of others, but eventually I had had enough. It wasn’t until I started to feel sorry for myself that I realized that I was accepting a pathetic approach to life, and that I needed to change. I had two choices: give up completely or break through my comfort zone and get the happiness I know I deserved. To be honest, this is something I have to remind myself of every once in a while, even now, because it had become so natural to me to evade challenges and risk. Funny to hear that coming from an entrepreneur and artist, but I guess that deep down, I chose these career and life paths because they were the ones that compelled me to break through my shell and find my true strengths and life-purpose.

It’s funny, because at times, I would see these pictures of people lifting weights and working out, talking about how they were once living unhealthy and unhappy lives, and that one day they just decided that enough was enough, leading to them making these remarkable changes you would think were meant to be part of those fake before and after pictures you see on infomercials. I would look at these people, read their profiles online, watch their interviews and whatnot, and would be left feeling inspired to make a change in my own life. Then, just as quickly, I would realize that I had no idea how to actually make that change. The same applied towards those entrepreneurs you hear or read about, that became successful after working hard at their crafts and becoming the successes they aspired to become. I looked at all of these people around me that were getting things done while I sat here feeling sorry for myself that I was “trying” but wasn’t getting anywhere.

That’s when I realized two things:

  1. Everyone has his or her own time. Sure, some people may find something you struggle with to come easy, but you may find something they struggle with to come easy. So, instead of worrying about others and why things are working out for them instead of you, stop your complaining, embrace and enjoy what you have and where you are in life, and move forward. Do your part to acquire what you’re aspiring towards (with wisdom), and then put it aside in your mind and focus on the other things you can influence. When the time’s right for you, what’s meant for you will fall into place.
  2. You cannot just look at the end result of someone’s journey. To truly appreciate and learn from someone’s journey, and to be not only inspired but also motivated to do something with what you’ve learned through their success, you must take their entire journey into account. Many of us see the flowery and beautiful end results, and they shine so bright that we become blinded to the true and grimy struggle they had to go through to get to where they are. Be willing to rough it through the struggles of success, and recognize that hard work is a simple understatement to describe what it really takes to achieve your dreams. If you’re not willing to work THAT hard for it, you don’t want it bad enough, so first, make yourself want it more, then work your butt off to make it happen.

These thoughts and experiences helped me come to terms with my own self and my own journey. I realized that instead of quitting for the sake of others, or worrying about whether I’ll fail or succeed, I just needed to do my best in my own way to get what I want. I want to get into better shape, so instead of feeling sorry for myself for not enjoying or tolerating the same workouts my friends did to get in shape, I’m going to find my own path towards achieving my ideal. In this case, for example, I love to cook (if you’ve seen any of my Instagram pics, you’d know how much I love to adventure into the world of culinary arts), and so I use that strength and asset towards helping me get into shape. I also love martial arts and more hands-on activities like hiking, biking, fishing, and building things, and so I use those as my ways to stay active. Those are my starting challenge points, and when I’m ready, I’ll challenge myself to take it a step further and do more, insha Allah (God-willing). My point is, we all have things we enjoy, and there is no universal way to get everything done. Pave your own path and don’t stop till you get to your destination. Then, set a new goal and keeping paving. You don’t always have to know where every step you take towards that path will land. God will reveal those things to you as they come – you just have to be open to accepting the good from them and putting aside the negative thoughts from the whispers of Shaitaan (Satan) or those of the people around you. Your family and friends may mean well, but if their approach doesn’t work for you, it’s okay to steer clear – you don’t have time, and they probably don’t have interest in changing their entire selves just to accommodate your needs. Success and happiness are subjective, so why look to others to validate those things? Only you and God know what’s in your heart and what truly makes you happy, so keep that conversation between the two of you.

Photo credit: iyuphoto via Flickr

Wandering Heart
Wandering Heart 1600 1200 Nadir Keval

When reading the word “heart” in a title, it usually means that you’re going to be reading about something related to love and relationships. In this case, however, that is far from the case. In the last little while, I have struggled with my own happiness. I’ve been unsure of so much, and with having lived a lifetime feeling as though I am destined to fail due to the opinions of many around me and through my own “downfalls” in life, everything seemed to have piled up and beat me to the ground. Fortunately, I had my faith holding me above the water, as well as some family and friends that helped me stay afloat, but overall, in my relationship with myself, I have been insecure and severely lacking confidence.

It’s funny how ironic my situation had become, being a person who has lived most of his life helping people through comforting and advising, to be the same person who needs comfort, advice, and help. Ah, how things often work out. I have faced many difficult times, especially in the emotional and mental realm. Still, I personally look at it as a blessing, because it is only through having truly experienced the ups and downs of life that I’m able to help others in similar situations. Of course, there is plenty I have not or have yet to face, but I believe that for all of us, what we face is simply God’s gift to us. Not only does what we face build us in strength and character, but it acts as evidence to the fact that there is nothing God places in our path that we are incapable of overcoming.

“Allah does not charge a soul except [with that within] its capacity.” – Quran (2:286)

The struggles and successes are drawn out paths towards strength and success, a blessing from God. It’s just a matter of us believing in ourselves enough to pull through and push forward.

What I’ve faced throughout most of my life is being very different from the rest. How I’ve approached every aspect of my life has made me an outcast in most cases. From my childhood when I was more intrigued by contemplation and solitude than by sports and competition, to my youth when I wouldn’t indulge or even try things like drugs and alcohol as many of my former peers did, to my adulthood when I would approach a career and lifestyle in a way that was so far from the norm that only a small percentage of the world’s population pursues. These differences made it difficult for me to relate to anyone, thus reducing the number of people I was able to connect with and share a beneficial relationship with. Those who did stay around me often made me feel as though I was a failure or that I was living in a fantasy because of my approaches towards life. They used their pessimism and lack of patience and understanding to make me feel as though I was destined to be left behind while others my age became successful.

All of these had broken me time and time again, and this last time, I felt as though there were too many shattered pieces for me to stand a chance at rebuilding. I was so unsure of everything happening in my life that it was as though I had entered some form of paralysis. I didn’t know what to do, and if I gave my mind the opportunity to dig deeper into that hole of thought, I began to fall in, ultimately entering a freefall with no parachute to save me from a fatal impact. The fall was long, until I realized that since this is a matter of my mind, I was able to create a “parachute” and use it to land safely before beginning my ascension back up to stable ground.

This is when every thought in my mind was bridged together, and a solution was seen. I was missing the glue that connected it all together, and made me who I am. I realized that it is my mind that is perhaps my greatest asset – eternal gratitude and praise is due to Allah for it. I now understand and accept that the purpose of my being and my mind is not to be embraced or supported. I need to simply live, love, and dream. I have to do that with all that I am. God will handle the rest. He will bring those meant to be in my heart towards me, and will distance me from those who could harm me. All praise is due to Him.

Since recognizing this, I now find myself breaking out of the vicious cycle of unhappiness and negativity, and I can feel the weight of the world (that my mind had created or allowed to fester and grow) leaving me. I focus now solely on spreading happiness and seeking happiness through doing what pleases me, within the bounds of what pleases Allah, as He is the One from whom I have received the gift that is my life.

Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right?
Question: What if I’ve already committed adultery? Do I have a chance at making things right? 2000 1125 Nadir Keval

My last article, “Pre-Marital Relations, Teens, and Islam” got A LOT of readers and feedback, Alhamdulillah. Opened my eyes to how many people really struggle with the issue. One particular question I received stood out to me most, inclining me towards sharing it with all of you.

The Question:

okay, about that marital affair thingy, what if someone has done something that according to your post is wrong and that someone wants to make things right? is there any chance they can do things right? if they are still in that relationship and they regret doing what they did?

The Response:

Assalaamu alaikum,

Often, we find ourselves feeling as though we are unable to turn back, or have no chance at repentance, but the truth of the matter is, repentance is always an option. As Allah says in the Quran:

“And those who do not invoke with Allah another deity (i.e. commit Shirk) or kill the soul which Allah has forbidden [to be killed], except by right, and do not commit unlawful sexual intercourse. And whoever should do that will meet a penalty. Multiplied for him is the punishment on the Day of Resurrection, and he will abide therein humiliated – Except for those who repent, believe and do righteous work. For them Allah will replace their evil deeds with good. And ever is Allah Forgiving and Merciful.” – (25:68-70)

Notice that in this verse alone, you see that Allah promises His Forgiveness and Mercy for those who do three things:

  1. Repent: to repent is to not only seek forgiveness, but to make a sincere effort to not repeat the action that inclined you to repent
  2. Believe: it is one thing to claim that we are strong in faith, and it’s another to apply all that we know and to make it a part of what makes us who we are – ensure that worship and obedience of Allah is the core of your existence, and that every aspect of your life including your career, your relationships (with family, a potential spouse, friends, etc.), your health, etc. are all tailored around your faith.
  3. Do righteous work: taking steps towards making an effort to do righteous work through following the examples and guidelines in the Quran and Sunnah – doing righteous work is a way of showing Allah that you want to get closer to Him, want to increase your good deeds to outweigh sin, and that you want to make a change in your lifestyle

I am not a sheikh or scholar, and this explanation is not one of Tafseer that I have studied. It is rather, my understanding on the topic based on what I have learned of Islam over years of attending Halaqas, discussing the topic with scholars and students of Islam, and counseling.

What I would suggest to you is to do what I mentioned above, based on the verses. If you and the person with whom you committed zina are interested in pursuing marriage, cleanse the situation by keeping your distance from each other, meeting only in the presence of a mahram, and take steps towards marriage in a way that is in accordance to the Quran and Sunnah. If this is something that the other person is not pleased with, remember that there is no value in the obedience of the creation if it leads to the disobedience of the Creator. Also, this will bring clarity to you as to how good this person would be for you in the case of marriage. Remember, marriage in Islam plays many roles, one of which is to be a source of inspiration and support as the couple works towards righteousness and ultimately, a place in Jannah.

I hope this answers your question. If you’d like to follow up, you’re more than welcome to email me at mail@nadirkeval.com and we can set up an appointment to discuss things more. I look forward to hearing from you, insha Allah. Take care of yourself.

Wassalaamu alaikum,

Nadir Keval (www.nadirkeval.com)

  • 1
  • 2
Back to top