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Nadir Keval

A Poetic Inspiration
A Poetic Inspiration 1280 800 Nadir Keval

Growing up in a musical family, I would often hear my parents walking around the house singing. My dad’s favourites included those by the late Indian playback singer, Mohammed Rafi. The influences of Rafi on my life and my poetry are monumental. Most of the songs I know, I learned from hearing my dad sing. In fact, until today, I still haven’t heard many of the originals!

Mohammed Rafi

Still, I was inspired by the words. It was lyrical genius! I don’t know if that was the work of Rafi or someone else, but as I see it, “A pen is only as strong as it’s holder.” Considering I didn’t know the language at first, and learned it through these songs, tells you how compelling his voice was! But, I don’t want to focus on his singing abilities as much as I’d like to show you the poetic inspiration that brought to life the hidden passion for poetry I had in me.

I am nowhere near the poetic caliber of whoever wrote these songs, but they have definitely inspired me and still continue to inspire me, especially as my family and I sing along with each other while playing cards on Family Night. Here’s a recent favourite that we sang together. It’s actually what compelled me to share this with all of you. Keep in mind, a lot is lost in translation. The song is called, “Ehsaan Tera Hoga Mujh Par” (“I would consider it a favour…”)

Ehsaan Tera Hoga Mujh Par

I would consider it a favour,
if you would let me tell you how I feel.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
Let me remain in the shelters of our love.
I would consider it a favour…

You are the one who taught me how to laugh…
You are the one who taught me how to laugh,
If you ask me to cry, I will.
I’ll cry, if you ask me to.
Do not grieve for my tears,
they will flow, so let them flow.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
Just give me the shelter of our love.
It’ll be a favour upon me.

Make me, if you wish.
Or destroy me, if you wish.
Even in death,
I will wish you well.
Even in death, I will wish you well.
As it floats in the air, every fleck of dust from my remains will say,
“My love, let me bear this pain of my heart,
For I have fallen in love with you,
just give me the shelter of our love.”

I would consider it a favour,
if you would let me tell you how I feel.
I’ve fallen in love with you.
Let me remain in the shelters of our love.
I would consider it a favour…

What do you guys think? Pretty amazing, if you ask me!

Family Night
Family Night 2048 1536 Nadir Keval

At least once a week, my family gets together with my uncle and his family, and sometimes with some family friends, to eat good food and play cards till the wee hours of the morning. I love it because of the fact that it’s something that gets me back in check after a week of work and constantly being on the go, ticking things off my to-do lists.

After dinner, the card-playing begins. It’s a simple game that our family has been playing for years. I don’t know where it originated though. At first, I thought it was a game passed on within our family, until I taught it to my best friend one day, only to learn that his dad had played an almost identical game back home (we are Ethiopian, he is Eritrean). The game is called Conquer and is played as a series of mini-games, where the objective is to get rid of your cards and be left with the lowest ranking cards in the end. Each card is equivalent in points to what number it has on it (for example, a 2 of any suit would count as two points). At the end of each mini-game, the points are tallied, and written on a score sheet. When the players decide to stop playing, the points of all the games are added together, and the person with the lowest score wins. There are more details to it, but I’ll leave that for some other time.

Family night is something that has become more and more important over the years, as my siblings and I have all been getting busier as we get older. With school, work, and other side projects/events/etc., the family finding time to spend together without any interruptions is a tough thing to do. So, we make it a point to spend at least one day/night every week with each other, doing anything we want, on the condition that we limit our use of the internet, cell phones, iPods, etc. down to only what is necessary.

If you don’t already do something like this, I highly recommend trying this out. Family is incredibly important, and if the relationships with our family members are not taken care of, it’s possible to fall into a state of just being no more than people that happen to be related living together. Effort is necessary in any and every relationship, but the ones we share with family will last us a lifetime, and perhaps two, if we are blessed to have our families together in Paradise.

I intend on continuing this after I’m married and have children, insha Allah. I pray that Allah makes it possible for all of us to appreciate and make the most of the relationships we have been blessed with. Ameen.

Think, But Don’t Forget To Leap!
Think, But Don’t Forget To Leap! 1095 730 Nadir Keval

One of the greatest lessons I’ve learned in the short period of time I’ve been in the business/entrepreneurial world can be summed up as this:

Think before you leap, but don’t let those thoughts keep you from leaping.

Often in business, we hear stories about how some big percentage of companies fail in the first few years because they didn’t plan. That’s true. Planning is important, but so is taking risks. In fact, the word entrepreneur itself means “a person who organizes and manages any enterprise, especially a business, usually with considerable initiative and risk.”

I remember when I first began venturing into the business world, trying to find my path and what I was really passionate about. Nine out of ten people would tell me that I need to do this before I start my business, and I need to do that after I start to avoid having the company fall apart, and the list goes on. Although many of them had good intentions behind their advice and insight, truth be told, the biggest impact their words on me were negative. I began to get nervous. I lost my confidence in pursuing business, and for a long time was left at a plateau of just starting up my company. I was afraid of failing. I was afraid that I’d lose years of my life working towards something that eventually fall apart, and that other people my age would be so far ahead with their lives, that I’d be the laughing stock of my entire world. I felt frozen.

It wasn’t until I came upon an epiphany, somewhat triggered by someone entering my life and reminding me of the reasons to live up to responsibilities and push hard towards my goals, that I actually broke free from the traps of my own subconscious and took my leap towards my goals. The world around me became a blur, because I was so enthralled with my dreams and ambitions that I felt that nothing could stand in my way anymore. Most importantly, I refused to let myself stand in my own way.

When I was trapped, I also wasn’t very strong in my Deen (Religion) and Imaan (Faith). This was perhaps the greatest weight holding me back from success and a positive mindset. I knew what I wanted to do, but I was too afraid of committing to it. But, as time passed, and as Allah’s blessing of that special soul that helps me find motivation to succeed and work harder came into my life, my Deen and Imaan began to grow stronger. It was at this point I realized that the path I take in my life, the rate at which I reach my success, and the happiness I acquire, will all happen when Allah deems it best for me. So, instead of worrying about timelines and about where others are in there lives, I decided to focus on the present. I focused on what made me happy, and what I hoped to do in order to succeed in this life and the Next.

The Prophet (SAW) said, “A soul will not die until it gets all of the provision that has been apportioned for it.” (Ibn Hibban)

Since then, there have definitely been ups and downs, in business and in life overall, but the lesson I have learned is that preparing and being aware of the realities of business (which are that it requires hard work, passion, and most importantly faith) is crucial to finding success and happiness. That said, it is also important to take leaps of faith, and not worry so much about the future, because as the Arabic proverb states:

“What is destined will reach you, even if it be underneath two mountains. What is not destined, will not reach you, even if it be between your two lips…”

If you’re good at something, or if you enjoy something and are passionate about it, pursue it as a career (as long as it is halal, of course). Always keep a simple mindset towards starting your business, and don’t let your thoughts or the words of others complicate things for you. Get a basic idea of what you want to do, and then just start. As you move forward with your business or project, things will come up that will make you take action and make decisions. Don’t let those overwhelm you. They’re just steps towards your success. If you make a mistake, don’t fret. Instead, learn from it, and keep pushing forward. Too much or too little of anything is dangerous, especially thinking. Just take things naturally, and follow your heart. Pray for guidance and have a positive mindset towards your success. And here’s an extra little secret of mine towards continuing when times get tough: force yourself to smile while you work. Remember, sometimes, all it requires is a little pull upwards on the corners of your lips! 😉

I know all of this may seem daunting, or perhaps you’re still running off of the adrenaline of your passion for your business idea, but know that you will succeed, Insha Allah. I’m still surviving, so you’re sure to succeed! Go catch your dreams! You can do it!

Poem: Again and Again
Poem: Again and Again 1800 1200 Nadir Keval

Tonight, like every night, I will go to bed
with my heart, mind, and soul intact.
They will have their cracks, and those few holes I just couldn’t fill again,
but overall, they will still be enough to keep me going.

Tomorrow, like every morning, I will awake,
to find my heart, mind, and soul shattered into pieces.
They will have their few recognizable pieces, and those few whole parts,
but overall, they will still be enough to keep me going.

I begin my day, putting myself back together,
starting with the big pieces of faith, love, and hope.
After this, I will find the smaller pieces,
of prayers and memories.
And finally, I will gather the remaining dust,
Made up of patience and what remains of my trust,
and will put it all together with my tears of joy and sorrow.
As I begin to see my heart, mind and soul returning to their shapes,
I say a prayer or two, to seal it all together.

I will rest my head on my pillow again,
Turn to my right, and say a prayer.
I will ask Allah to bring me ease,
And to return what my heart, mind, and soul seek.

Tomorrow, if I wake to pieces again,
I won’t be sad or upset.
The crumbs of patience and trust will have grown,
But with that, they will be easier to remold.
What the final product will be, I don’t know.
But, that it will beneficial,
This I know for certain.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Difficulty Is Sometimes Necessary
Difficulty Is Sometimes Necessary 2481 1754 Nadir Keval

Just a few thoughts I had while contemplating the lives of the Prophets and Messengers (may Allah have Mercy on them all)…

Many of us spend a lot of our time complaining about how difficult our lives are, how our duas still aren’t being answered, and so on. Often, we are reminded to think of the millions of people around the world that have it worse than us, be it because of their countries being in ruins from attacks or natural disasters, to being unable to get the necessities of life because their circumstances leave them homeless, without food or any prospects for work. This is something the Prophet (SAW) told us to think about when we find ourselves struggling in accepting the conditions of our own lives.

“Look at the people beneath you (in wealth and worldly affairs) and do not gaze the ones above you (in this matter). By this, you will not underestimate the bounty of Allah bestowed upon you.” (Narrated by Bukhari and Muslim)

Now, let’s take a moment to reflect on why we go through the difficulties we go through. Are they really necessary? Why can’t Allah just make things easier for us and remove our difficulties because we believe in Him, the Prophet (SAW), and the Last Day?

Let’s consider the best of creation and mankind: the Prophets and Messengers of Allah (may Allah have mercy on them all). Allah could have made things easy for them. He could have removed their difficulties and made the Message accepted by all with ease. But, struggles and difficulty were still imposed upon the Prophets and Messengers. They were tests of faith, and opportunities to become stronger in their conviction in the Message of Allah.

Let’s consider some examples:

  • Prophet Ibrahim (AS) was tested when his people were completely against him and tried to throw him into a pit of fire for trying to lead them away from their old ways of worship.

“Allah said, “O fire, be coolness and safety upon Abraham.” And they intended for him harm, but We made them the greatest losers.” – Quran (21:69-70)

  • Right after having the son he prayed for, Prophet Ibrahim (AS) was commanded by Allah in a dream to sacrifice his son, Ismail (AS) for the sake of Allah. They were both tested greatly in this matter, but both agreed that if this was a command from Allah, He would provide them ease through the process. And that, He did.

And when he reached with him [the age of] exertion, he said, “O my son, indeed I have seen in a dream that I [must] sacrifice you, so see what you think.” He said, “O my father, do as you are commanded. You will find me, if Allah wills, of the steadfast.”And when they had both submitted and he put him down upon his forehead, We called to him, “O Abraham, You have fulfilled the vision.” Indeed, We thus reward the doers of good. Indeed, this was the clear trial. And We ransomed him with a great sacrifice (i.e. a ram).” – Quran (37:102-107)

  • Prophet Nuh (AS) tried to teach the Message of Allah to his people for 950 years, with still resulting in only a few accepting it. Imagine the tests of patience he endured!

“And We certainly sent Noah to his people, and he remained among them a thousand years minus fifty years, and the flood seized them while they were wrongdoers.” – Quran (29:14)

  • Prophet Musa (AS) was brought to test after all the people that accepted the Message of Allah followed him to freedom. As they reached the waterfront, no revelation or guidance came from Allah for quite a while. The people began to become impatient and fearful, and asked Musa (AS) why Allah wasn’t helping them. He said, “I believe not in what is seen, but I believe in the Unseen.” Allah tested their patience until Firawn (Pharoah) was within their sight, and at that point, sent the command to Musa (AS) to split the body of water by striking his staff on the ground.
  • Prophet Muhammad (SAW) was ridiculed, insulted, had attempts made at his life, and more, yet he continued with patience. Even when things became unbearable, he sought protection and guidance from Allah. For a reference to the examples of this, read the Quran, and you’ll see them throughout the beautiful Divine Revelation.

There are so many more examples. This just scratches the surface. But what can be learned here is that difficulties were necessary for the Prophets and Messengers as well. Allah put them through these challenges to not only strengthen them in faith, but to have them act as examples for us to learn from and be humbled by. We must remember that they too were human. They were put through these struggles for a purpose.

If we face a difficulty, we must learn to be optimistic. Islam is one that is filled with reminders of reasons for hope, faith, and optimism. We are given the tools we need to accomplish this mindset and lifestyle. We simply need to do live up to the names we give ourselves: Muslims (defined as those who submit to Allah completely).

“Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder”
“Distance Makes the Heart Grow Fonder” 1600 1200 Nadir Keval

Most have heard this saying before, but to have it dawn on me as I was listening to the story of the life of the Prophet (SAW) was unexpected. The speaker was talking about the Divine Revelation to the Prophet (SAW) and the process in which it was sent down. He spoke of how Allah put a hold on the Message for some time after the initial Revelation. The reason for this was to make the Prophet (SAW) fall in love with the Message he was receiving.

Remember that Allah says that had He revealed the Quran to the mountains, they would have crumbled from the weight of its magnitude.

“If We had sent down this Qur’an upon a mountain, you would have seen it humbled and coming apart from fear of Allah. And these examples We present to the people that perhaps they will give thought.” – Quran (59:21)

Imagine the weight and pressure this must have placed on the Prophet (SAW). It would have been painful and difficult at first. Allah knows best. But still, when Allah put a pause on the Revelation for some time, it was to make the Prophet (SAW) fall in love with the Message, despite the physical hardship it may have caused him.

Subhanallah, with this distance that Allah had placed between the Revelations, the plan of Allah fell into place and the Prophet (SAW) became attached to the Message. Some scholars (according to the speaker I was listening to) say that this attachment became so strong that it lead to the Prophet (SAW) falling into depression and making some attempts at suicide. Subhanallah! It’s a thought we would never consider to relate to the Prophet (SAW)! But, to consider it only humbles us more, to recognize that he too was human, and was truly an example to all of Mankind. Of course, suicide is not from Islam, but the point is to see how intense this love for the Message became for the Prophet (SAW).

Despite these hardships, he loved the revelation and yearned for more. Allah then continued sending him the Message when He found that the Prophet (SAW) was ready. And from then on, it was a lifetime of commitment to the Deen, because THAT is what true love is.

“The word “love” in the Qur’an appears on over 90 places but interestingly it doesn’t define the word “love” but speaks about the very first consequence of love…”committing”, Islam talks about commitment, if you truly love, then commit, if you do not commit then your claim of love is not real.” – Sheikh Yassir Fazaga

How Does This Relate To Us?

This comes as a reminder to us all, first and foremost, that it is in the nature of humanity, in the way that Allah has created us, to yearn for something when we feel it drift away. Unfortunately, we consider this to be a weakness nowadays, when it truth, there may be a greater meaning behind it. Allah is the best of planners. This, we know.

“But they plan, and Allah plans. And Allah is the best of planners.” – Quran (8:30)

And so, He would not let us experience something without it having its purpose. If something drifts away from us, it may be because He is allowing us the opportunity to have our love or appreciation for it grow. Sometimes, he allows a drift so that we may learn what we deserve, and can appreciate what may come afterwards. Either way, we are growing, and finding our paths. Each situation is different, but it’s important to remain positive and understanding, as we do not know what struggles those involved are going through, nor do we know what stage of Allah’s Plan and Process the other person is at.

Consider it at a more basic level. When parents want their child to learn responsibility, they stop giving their child money, and tell the child that he/she must earn the money now. Because of the attachment to the comfort and sense of freedom that comes with having money, a child will feel inclined to work hard and earn his keep. But, this would only work if a child truly had an attachment to that wealth.

Break it down even further, using a non-materialistic example: when a child is in a store with his mother, he would play and run around, because he would know that his mother would be where he left her when he came back. But, as soon as the mother turns a corner, and the child returns to find his mother is no longer where he left her, he begins to panic.

This is the nature of humanity. It’s normal, and is a good thing. In the first example, the child learns a life lesson about his need to work hard in order to survive in this world. In the second example, the child learns to appreciate his mother more, and becomes more attached to her. These are examples of children, but there are many that can make this more relatable to adults. In the cases of children, the chances of them returning to their old ways is not in the least unexpected. With adults, however, it is important to learn from these experiences in order to grow.

One of the most common examples we see this quote of distance makes the heart grow fonder come into play is in the matters of the heart. With situations like these, we find that this saying holds true only in matters of true, sincere love. When a relative you truly loved passes away, every day becomes another process of strengthening that love. Whether you realize/acknowledge it or not, it happens. When you truly love someone in the romantic sense, and you go your separate ways, that love never truly dies, and you continue to think about that person, connect them to everything, and hold a small shimmer of hope that they would return, because you truly, sincerely loved them. When you really love Allah, and you find your Imaan (faith) beginning to weaken, you begin to miss Him, and fear losing your connection with Him. Even though you know that He is closer to you than your jugular vein, and that He will not leave you as long as you yearn for His Love and make an effort towards it, you still fear Him leaving you.

It’s nature. It’s how we have been created. We need to reflect on these different aspects of our lives and truly connect with and appreciate what Allah has blessed us with. We allow our fears of loss or a lacking of hope to pull us away from embracing our blessings. If you love someone, don’t be fearful of trying to make things work. Do it right by Allah and have faith that He will show you the way. If your loved one passed away, make Dua for them and ask Allah to give you strength to move forward, while never forgetting those you love. If you feel yourself drifting in your Imaan, push yourself to get back on track. Even if you feel like there is no hope, keep trying.

In every situation where distance is brought between us and what we love, take it as a blessing from Allah, learn from it, love what has been separated from you, and if possible, embrace it again (remember, nothing is impossible if done with faith and trust in Allah). If your love wasn’t true, you wouldn’t still be holding on to it. Sometimes, we don’t even realize we’re holding onto things. We naturally stopped trying to let go, because our hearts have already come to terms with the fact that these things are a part of us. It’s our minds that need convincing, and the solution to that is Tawaqqul (i.e. to make an effort while having faith and contentment with Allah’s Plans). If you are struggling with coming to terms with things, work on your Tawaqqul.

Take lessons from your experiences, appreciate what you love, and appreciate those who appreciate you. Don’t lose hope or optimism in Allah. Embrace what truly makes you happy (as long as it’s halal), and watch how Allah makes all your concerns and worries fade away. And trust Him, because He gave you this distance, perhaps so that you may become stronger in what you lacked the first time you were blessed.

Poem: Beauty
Poem: Beauty 1280 800 Nadir Keval

Beauty.
Not just beautiful.
She is more than just the enlightenment of elegance,
more than just the depiction of depth,
more than just the supremacy of simplicity,
she is the essence of beauty itself.
More than beautiful.
Bella.

When I began my journey with her,
I spent most of my time in thought.
I was trying to understand how someone could exist,
in a world so harsh, as one of such purity.
It was only after a long period of time,
that I was able to accept her as real.
Through all these years, I had pursued marriage,
but felt that in order to marry, I’d have to lose a part of me.

With her, it is different.
All that happens only leads to gains.
When she would smile and laugh,
or would remember a quirk about me,
I would gain a sense of comfort and confidence in our love.
And when she would be upset or would cry,
or would question my heart’s honesty,
I would gain an opportunity to learn, so that I may be better for her.

This is what I have learned to be beauty.
It does not always come in the most appealing of ways,
but if looked at with honesty,
to oneself and our other,
it is found in the depths of every moment we spend together.

Beauty.
A simple word that depicts her,
and to which she brings depth to definition.
When I see others, or think of love,
my mind and heart make her presence known.
For me, she is in every way or form greater than the rest.
Not for any other reason except that
Allah has engraved her name onto my heart.
He has made her voice the narrator of my every thought,
and has allowed for her purity to flow through my veins.

She is my Beauty, my Bella.
And I will always love her.

Copyright © Nadir Keval

Overcoming the Overwhelming
Overcoming the Overwhelming 1698 1131 Nadir Keval

Ever had that feeling, like the weight of the entire world is on your shoulders, for every individual decision and task in front of you?

It’s overwhelming, frustrating, and often easier to just push aside. I know, because I feel it almost every day. With working on building my career and dreams, trying to stay on the ball with my deen, maintaining a healthy lifestyle of working out and eating right, fulfilling my commitments and responsibilities towards my family, fighting my own personal struggles, and still trying to find a little time to myself, overwhelming is a part of my default condition. But, to that, I still say Alhamdulillah, because there are so many people in the world that have it worse than I do, and whatever struggles I face are ones that Allah has guaranteed to be a method of purification and expiation of sins.

Narrated Abu Sa’id Al-Khudri and Abu Huraira: The Prophet said, “No fatigue, nor disease, nor sorrow, nor sadness, nor hurt, nor distress befalls a Muslim, even if it were the prick he receives from a thorn, but that Allah expiates some of his sins for that.”

That’s an amazing blessing and definitely eases the heart! Alhamdulillah! But, it doesn’t solve the matter of being overwhelmed. Often, fear of failure, or the possible resulting stress from tackling our issues, holds us back from moving forward. I’ve personally found that these fears then lead many to push aside dealing with something that’s on their minds, in hopes that it will pass on its own, or that it’ll fade in its importance to a person over time. Of all the times I have seen people do this, not once have I seen things pass or fade over time. Instead, the opposite happens and emotions, thoughts, and that weight I mentioned earlier, start to push down on a person’s mind and heart. Eventually, it becomes too much, and the weight becomes even more overwhelming than before. Obviously, that’s the opposite of what we want to see. We want to overcome our struggles. We want to control and remove our feelings of being overwhelmed.

The best solution I’ve found to overcoming this feeling is:

  1. Step away from everything for a moment and clear your mind
  2. Pray Salatul-Isthikhaarah
  3. Figure out the pros and cons of the decision you are facing (do this for each matter individually)
  4. Do your research about the matter – whether you’re deciding on a school to go to, on a career to pursue, on a person to marry, on what you should cook for the family dinner, etc. – whatever it is, do your research and ask around if needed (getting a second opinion or some advice isn’t a bad idea either)
  5. Clear your mind again, and make dua asking Allah to guide you
  6. Ask your heart what it’s more inclined to, and make a decision towards that

It sounds simple. That’s because it is. When facing something that’s overwhelming, the best thing to do is to break it down to its basic components. This way, you get a fresh start and an opportunity to really think things through clearly, without all the muddy waters of the experiences you’ve faced as you came to your overwhelming position.

Making dua is something that I want to really put emphasis on because it truly is the core of our success. Remembering Allah in our daily lives, seeking repentance, and having complete and clear certainty, optimism, and clarity in Allah answering your dua are all keys to finding success and reducing the stress we so often become overwhelmed with.

To feel overwhelmed is normal and happens more often than we’d like. It’s inevitable. But, with matters like this, that are inevitable, I believe it’s important to find a strength and balance through achieving control in our situations. Control often implies a restriction in something, but in this case, it means to be at peace with your life, to work your hardest towards your goals, and to, all the while, be content with Allah’s plans for you.

Remember, anything is possible. All that’s needed is faith, dedication, commitment, hard work, and patience.

Cut the Chit-Chat (Gossip, Backbiting, and Slandering)
Cut the Chit-Chat (Gossip, Backbiting, and Slandering) 1600 1067 Nadir Keval

I’m not sure if any of you have noticed this, but I certainly have: people gossiping, backbiting and slandering others, as though they have the right to judge them. It’s a sad reality, and is very scary, especially when I see Muslims doing it despite the warnings given in Islam about it.

A friend of mine posted this reminder, which I just so happened to see after I had become infuriated and annoyed by someone gossiping and being judgmental of others:

Prophet Muhammad (SAW) said, “Do you know what backbiting is?” They said, “Allah and His Messenger know best.” He (SAW) then said, “It is to say something about your brother that he would dislike.” Someone asked him, “But what if what I say is true?” The Messenger of Allah (SAW) replied, “If what you say about him is true, you are backbiting him, but if it is not true then you have slandered him.” (Muslim)

This gives you a basic idea of what backbiting and slandering entails. If we take a moment to reflect, we’ll find that we do things like this so often without realizing it. It’s definitely a wake up call towards seeking repentance and making changes. This isn’t merely a reminder to Muslims, but a reminder to all people that we should be more aware of our words, so as to ensure that we are not doing things like this.

It’s just something to talk about.

The ingredients needed to create this habit within ourselves is startling to say the least. It opens our eyes to recognize how much we need to work on to become better people, if not for ourselves and our own Hereafters, then at least for our children and the generations to come after them. When we gossip, we are often saying something out of arrogance (“He went ahead and married some insert different race/culture/nationality here girl! What a disgrace!”), jealousy (“She thinks she’s all that with her degree and job. Ugh! So full of herself!”), or sometimes just sheer ignorance (“Why should she take care of his son from a past marriage? It’s not hers, so it’s not her responsibility!”). Arrogance, jealousy, and ignorance; three traits that are considered amongst the worst characteristics by Islamic standards, and in civilized society altogether. Yet, these are also perhaps the most rampantly flooding traits in people today. It’s human, yes; we all fall into these things every once in a while, but I felt it important to share the reminder with all of you, as being reminded opened my eyes again as well.

What’s the harm?

“O you who have believed, avoid much [negative] assumption. Indeed, some assumption is sin. And do not spy or backbite each other. Would one of you like to eat the flesh of his brother when dead? You would detest it. And fear Allah; indeed, Allah is Accepting of repentance and Merciful.” – Quran (49:12)

Take a second, close your eyes, and picture that. It’s a horrific thought. Allah makes it clear in the Quran that these actions are equivalent to eating the flesh of your dead brother! So, why do we do these things?

Often, we need some form of rectification for our actions or thoughts, and feel that putting down someone else will take the spotlight off of us. Sometimes, we just seem to need something to talk about, and so we indulge in idle talk like this. And sometimes, we just feel that the only way to gain acceptance is to collectively bash someone else.

Judgement is something that can only be valid when expressed by someone that has reached the state of perfection. And the ONLY One that is perfect is Allah, and so, judgment lies with Allah, Alone.

There’s nothing more to it. We are all full of sin. We are all forgetful of what is right and what is wrong. We constantly go through a roller-coaster of  faith and morality. It’s human. It’s how Allah has created us. But, what He has also given us is intellect and the ability to make conscious choices. Having the ability to do something doesn’t validate doing it. The extremity of the examples to be given with this are high, as we can relate back to the verse, and express how just as we may be able to eat the flesh of our dead brothers, it doesn’t make it acceptable for us to actually do it. In the same way, to judge, backbite, slander, and gossip are abilities we all have, but that does NOT validate them.

How To Make A Change

“Allah will not change the condition of a people until they change that which is within themselves.” – Quran (13:11)

We are living in a world where what is immoral, unethical, disrespectful, and ignorant is considered normal. To act otherwise is found to be backwards, barbaric, and just plain unheard of. The above verse holds so much weight, because we must realize our mistakes and change as individuals so as to see not only our personal conditions become better, but to see society as a whole change for the better as well. Good is contagious. If we stand as individual examples, goodness will begin to rub off on those around us, and the benefits will quickly flow and reveal themselves.

During this process of bettering ourselves, if we find others not making changes as quickly as we did, or not making any changes at all for that matter, then we should be careful as to not fall into judgment or slandering again. Too often, when we get excited about an idea, we begin to rush towards it, and after sharing our epiphanies with others, expect them to feel the same rush of ambition towards that change. That isn’t always the case. All people take their own time to learn their own individual lessons. When the time is right, those lessons help them take their steps towards new phases of life. When you are struggling to accept someone else’s lack of ambition compared to yours, ask yourself how you would feel if someone tried to force you to make a change you just weren’t ready for yet. Do your part, and remind them of it once. After that, leave it aside, and make dua for them. They heard you. Allah just has to give them your message when the time is best for them. And only He knows when that is.

As for habits of gossip, backbiting, and slandering, approach them just as you would any other habit you hope to change. Watch yourself as you face the day, and try to catch yourself if you feel you might be saying or doing something wrong. If that leaves you silent throughout most of the day, then so be it. That only allows you the opportunity to remove the negative from your speech, so you have more space to fill it with positive speech, or even silence (which is sometimes even better than words).

Look at it this way: Why carry a basket of 1 good apple and 19 rotten apples? The rotten ones will make the good one rot. Instead, carry only good apples, even if they are few. This way, you may have less in quantity, but the apples you carry won’t rot.

Look at your thoughts and speech in the same way. Remove the negative thoughts and words, and replace them with positive ones. An ounce of negativity could spoil a ton of positivity. If you’re still left with space in your thoughts or speech, add more positivity, or just leave it open and free, as this will allow the opportunity for meditation, pondering, and more beneficial things (in moderation).

All in all, change is possible. Making changes in matters like these are crucial to a person’s well-being in this life and the Next, and are helpful in developing better habits and better futures. May Allah help us all in changing ourselves for the better, so that our conditions may change in the same way. Our Ummah needs it. Ameen!

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